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Ceilidh

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Posted 28 May 2007 - 07:02 AM ( #1 )

~The open Door~

Bianca had a passion for soccer!And basketball!Only basketball was her secret passion!Only Jerhimah,Josh and Chelsea knew!We were playing Horse!Josh had Hors I had Ho and Jerhimah had hor!Chelsea was more into soccer!

They live in an apartment complex!The school was next door!They always played basketball by the hoops or soccer by the goals!


One day Bianca and Jeramiah got into a fight.We screamed.We shouted.We beat each other up and he threatend to tell my secret!
''Please don't''I shouted!He didn't listen!They were all preppy punks!Exept Josh!He was gothic.

Our teacher Mrs.Lambeers had given us no homework!Exept read!She would let......Brb!Next post I will rite more

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Started

28 May 2007

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28 Jun 2007

tamatalker101

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Posted 28 May 2007 - 07:10 AM ( #2 )

NIce story, but y do u have "!" at the end of each sentence?

VannessaHudgensFan102

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Posted 26 June 2007 - 07:43 PM ( #3 )

i dunno!


2~ the light


my dad has recently died and i have never found the light since.
it wasn't right that my dad died at such a young age!1 day my crush asked me to go to the dance and i said yes.

brb

BritishGurl4Ever

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Posted 26 June 2007 - 07:55 PM ( #4 )

~The open Door~

Bianca had a passion for soccer!And basketball!Only basketball was her secret passion!Only Jerhimah,Josh and Chelsea knew!We were playing Horse!Josh had Hors I had Ho and Jerhimah had hor!Chelsea was more into soccer!

They live in an apartment complex!The school was next door!They always played basketball by the hoops or soccer by the goals!


One day Bianca and Jeramiah got into a fight.We screamed.We shouted.We beat each other up and he threatend to tell my secret!
''Please don't''I shouted!He didn't listen!They were all preppy punks!Exept Josh!He was gothic.

Our teacher Mrs.Lambeers had given us no homework!Exept read!She would let......Brb!Next post I will rite more

This is good, except for the fact that you need to choose between "we" and "I" and "They". It doesn't make any sense if you shoose all three.

CuteDancingBailey

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Posted 27 June 2007 - 09:37 PM ( #5 )

Try not to use exlamaion points so much. It might be a little better if you don't use them at the end of every sentance..

mashed_potato

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Posted 28 June 2007 - 02:33 PM ( #6 )

It's ok but sometimes it dosn't make sense because you're switching from we to they all the time. Also, I think you shouldn't add too many exclaimation points~