Anime Lovers...

TamaTalk

Help Support TamaTalk:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
Joined
Jul 26, 2007
Messages
52
Reaction score
0
I'm writing a story, it is called: 'Kowai Toki No Nakade'. Which means 'During Our Frightening Times'. It's a Inuyasha fanfic, it has the characters, except it dosen't follow any Inuyasha plot whatsoever. I think this fanfiction falls under the category of Romance/Adventure, here is the main plot is: (BIG BIG HUGE Spoilers. Skip if you don't wanna see!)

Liney, after being taken away from demons hundreds of years ago, is reuinited with her old friend, Leokan. Untill they find out, to their annoyance, from Talinia that there is a jewel, 'Jueru No Hikari'. (Jewel Of Light) So they decide it's best that they take Inuyasha along with them, and misguide him to the jewel. Later, they make many friends. Luke, Nyoko, (Karen/Meowbark's character, I'm just using her.) and Sakura (Botan1220's character.)

Liney, in the past, she was in love with Inuyasha... so was Inuyasha. But Naraku split them apart-- he pretended to be Inuyasha and hurt Liney severely, Liney couldn't see the dog demon again, who was once her best friend.

Turns out Later in the story, (they are going to face many demons, challenges, etc.) Liney and Inuyasha finally fall in love, but they have to fake it, for neither wants any of the group to know. So late in the night, they'd sneak off, and be together then.

At the end of the story, they find the Jueru No Hikari, but what will Inuyasha and Liney choose to do with it? (I'm not spoiling that part...)

Here, we get down to the question: How could I improve my story? Here is the first Chapter:

Liney smiled as her feet touched the soft grass of Japan. She took a second to breathe in fresh air, which was not the musky sea air for the first time in a few weeks. She hopefully glanced around to see her home or her friends, of whom she hadn’t seen for many years since she was captured and dragged off to America.Something caught the corner of her eye. She turned her head, he black hair flapped in the breeze. Her heart beat faster at what she saw… her home was still there, the same place she had left it. She didn’t dillydally and stand there all day. Well, who could, seeing your home for the first time in years? She ran towards her home. Her home was a forest, the forest that went by the name of Inuyasha Forest. Now, Liney despised a boy named Inuyasha, along with all her friends, as Inuyasha… he broke Liney’s heart, long ago.

Liney scoffed as she remembered the name of the forest, and remembering the name of the dog hanyou. She sniffled.

I hope he died while I was gone… She thought quietly as she skidded to a halt infront of the forest. She stood for a second, dumfounded, to take it all in. With a confident sigh, she hollered:

“IT’S ME, LINEY, I’M HOME!” She waited for a few minutes; surely, she saw a white-haired boy come running towards her. She froze in shock at the sight. “I-I-Inu…”

“Inu?! I’m not Inuyasha!” Yelled the boy. He had dark blue eyes, like two round moons. He also had short, snow-white hair and a long trench coat that flapped in the wind. He stood six feet tall, wearing jeans and a T-shirt.

“I’m Leokan… remember?”

Liney shook her head.

“L-Leo! I’m so sorry about that!” She shrieked. Before the girl could say anymore, he had his arms wrapped around her.

“Liney, I missed you so much! I thought you were dead!” He sobbed. “I’m so sorry I let you go last time!” Liney gave a long-winded sigh after hearing these words.

“Leokan, it’s no-one’s fault but those Youkai.” She said simply, breaking from his grip.

“So much has happened since you left. And before you ask, Inuyasha is still alive.” He said, he had a deep tone of hatred as he said ‘Inuyasha’. Liney was half disappointed and half happy. Inuyasha was going to be a part of her forever, yet she could never forget the horrible things he did to her. She sighed.

“Good.” She said, attempting to sound happy. And of course, Leokan fell for it. “So, what has been happening?”

”Well…” Explained the Lion Youkai. “It’s a long story. I’ve turned into a Youkai. I’m no longer a Hanyou, I used the Shikon No Tama’s Powers.”

Liney looked at him. “Leokan… how come you are still calm, and kind?” She asked.

Leokan searched his head for an answer.

“In fact, I have no clue.” He truthfully muttered. Liney sighed and punched him in the shoulder jokingly.

“You never know anything!” She said, before turning around to walk away. After not even 10 seconds when she started walking, a demon, named Talinia, ran after them. Talinia looked a bit nervous.

“Oh Talinia, what is it now? If it’s another one of those sugar thi—“

“It’s not, it’s VERY urgent!” Interrupted Talinia.

“Fine, but this better be good!” Leokan said. Liney’s rabbit ear perked to listen, she was still turned around.

“Remember the Shikon No Tama? Well, it turns out; there is also a Jueru No Hikari! And it is has the exact capabilities of the Shikon No Tama, except it’s better to be used for good than bad!” She whispered. Liney turned around.

“This could be bad… what if Inuyasha gets his hands on it?” She said.

“Why would he want it?” Asked Talinia, smirking. Liney gritted her teeth.

“You should know him by now!” She yelled. “He wants to become a Youkai, and Leokan has already used Shikon No Tama for that!”

Talinia panicked. “I know!”

Liney looked at her. “Well, let’s round up some people and go after it!”

“I’m afraid I’ve told everybody, and they’re already teaming up…” She said quietly. But Leokan and Liney were already gone by the time Talinia finished her sentence. Talinia was steaming. “Grrrr!!!!!” She growled, before storming off.

Liney and Leokan walked through the forest in silence, not saying a word. Liney decided to break the silence after awhile of soundless walking.

“Who are we going to ask first?” She questioned. Leokan froze.

“I was thinking…” He said.

”Thinking what?”

”That we should bring Inuyasha.” He closed his eyes because he knew a smack was coming. Liney slapped him right across the face, so loud that you could hear it on the other side of the forest. “Are you on crack?!” She yelled.

“No!” He retorted. “I just thought it would be wise if we bring him with us so that we can keep a close eye on him!”

Liney crossed her arms. She majorly did not like this idea. He did not want to see Inuyasha, or smell him, or even sense his presence. She hated Inuyasha. Inuyasha hated her.

“Come on Liney, cheer up!” Said Leokan. Liney pouted as they neared the white-haired hanyou, who was sitting in a tree on his own.

“Inuyasha…” Said Leokan. Inuyasha’s ears twitched and he opened one eye.

“Whaddaya want Leo- Liney?!?” He jumped upon seeing the youkai girl, and fell onto the ground, landing flat on his face. Liney giggled a bit.

“I guess some things about you never change… like you being a jerk.” She said, humorous at first, then mockingly after. Inuyasha let out a growl.

“Why are you jerks here?!” He growled.

“Listen, there is a Jewel like the Shikon No Tama.” Said Leokan. “It’s called the Jueru No Hikari. And we want you to come with us to find it…”

”That means, I’ll finally be able to be a Youkai?” He questioned, a grin spreading across his face. Liney sighed and nodded.

“Count me in!” Exclaimed Inuyasha, jumping to his feet. He stood beside Liney, though she moved away from him, standing beside Leokan. Inuyasha snarled.

“Stop Dilly-dallying, and lets go!” Said Leokan. He stopped. “Oh, Inuyasha, could you carry Liney on your back? She can’t fly.”

“Just because I’m coming with you dosen’t mean I’ll be nice, No!” He yelled. Liney sighed sadly. He’s changed so much, he’s so much ruder… She thought.

“Inuyasha, we won’t bring you if you’re not kind.” Threatened Leokan.

Inuyasha crossed his arms.

“Feh, so what?” He mocked. “I can find it on my own!”

“Do you know where it is?”

”…No….”

“Point proven.” Said Leokan.

“And I’m assuming you know where it is?” Asked Inuyasha. Leokan nodded.

“I do. The isle of Lightened Souls.”

“Where the heck is that?!” Yelled Inuyasha.

“Like I’d tell you.” Scoffed Leokan. Inuyasha bit his lip.

“Fine.” He said finally. Liney smiled when no-one was looking quickly, before clambering onto his back. Inuyasha snarled.

“You need to lose some weight.” He growled. Liney felt a bit bad, but decided to ignore the comment.

Leokan rolled his eyes before flapping his wings, his feet lifted off the ground as he soared through the air. Inuyasha snarled and ran after him, before jumping into the air. Liney squealed, she was not too fond of heights at all. Inuyasha rolled his eyes. “What, wench, you scwared of hwights?” He said Mockingly. Liney held on tightly to Inuyasha, ignoring what he said. Inuyasha looked at her, he smiled, he loved seeing her scared…

Yet it made him feel guilty deep inside for liking to see her upset in anyway. He shook his head, he hated Liney, Liney was an idiot. He turned around and continued flying, looking annoyed…
(I'm working on the second chapter, right now.)

 
Last edited by a moderator:

Latest posts

Back
Top