My (self procliamed) Extrodinary life!

im gonna write a book but i need your guys opinon before i can.

this is like the first chapter but it isn't its like um.... wat to call it I NO....

The Before Chapter

Im Jord and this is My (self proclaimed) Extrodinary life. Before we get started let me tell you the down low on me my life friends and family. Well first we have me

my name is Jord (short for Jordan)

i am a 14 year old girl (with issues)

i have black hair that goes to around the middle of my back, i have green eyes. I am 5.4ft and weigh 46kg.

i have a great personality (but some would dissagree but we will just ignore those people)

and i go to Blackwood Secondary State Boarding school.

well thats me but i have other people i want to tell you about, but we will get to them later, let me tell you how me and my best friend ended up at boarding school.

I was walking home from school one day like i always do when i caught up with Bec, my best friend, who was standing at the corner with her blonde bob cut hair waving in the wind. I ran to her till i caught up to her side. She told me that she and her mother were coming to our place for dinner tonight and she hadn't a clue why. "that is strange" i replied "you and your mother don't usally come round unless you have something important to tell us," "precissly" her sweat delicate, polite voice rang in the air. "thats why im worried." In the time it took us to have that convo sation we realised that we were home already. we stood on the porch at the same time "were home" i yelled expecting the pleasent replie that i always get from mum, but this time, nothing.

I took my shoes off at the door with Bec close behind me, and i dropped my bag in the lounge room as we pasted through it. All this was my normal routine, and i was content living in the little town taroom, that i called to proudly, my home. "mum?" i spoke again, then when i entered the kitchen i saw Mrs Lamb (becs mum) and my mum sitting at the kitchen table drinking smoking tea. "Ah, good your home" my mum said with a grin "we have something to tell you two." Bec and I froze, when we heard "how would you liek boarding school?"

These words rang from mum's mouth, but little did i know at that time that this decision would ultimately end up leading to...

Kelly- The enemy

Sharni and Sally- The enemys Lakys

James-The crush

Micheal-The crush's BFF

Lucas-The enemys BF

and Dominic-The BFF's BF

little did i know, oh how little did i know...

so wat you think thats just the intro sorta thing

It's called a prologue :]

Do you like, want crit or something? Or for me to just say 'it's good' or 'it isn't good'?

Ah well.

First off, you need to capitalize the I's when you're referring to yourself. Secondly, whenever somebody speaks you should be starting a new paragraph, and it should have a capital letter at the start. & I dunno what the lists are about but you could have just broken them up with commas with a colon at the front of the list. There were also some spelling mistakes/typos, (precisely, sweet, conversation, we're, pleasant, reply, passed, like and lackeys). I also think that you should've put best friend/boyfriend/whatever instead of BFF because that's just confusing.

Sorry if I'm being mean or confusing you or anything, but you did ask what we thought...

yer it wasn't ment to be all perfect gramma and all that i just wanted to hear what you guys thought of the plot

ok i got the first chapter up and this isn't ment to have all those mistakes so if you see one plez tell me ok here it goes...

[SIZE=21pt]PLEZ READ[/SIZE]

Chapter 1

Jordan dropped her bags and the large metal gate that read 'Blackwood Seconday Boarding School' and she groaned as Bec walked up behind her. "How could you do this to me!" Jordan screamed at her father as he walked up to her side with more bags in his hands. "With that attitude you probly deserve to go to boarding school" he said with a chuckle. Jordan pouted grabbed her largest bag and walked inside the gates with a furious step. Bec sighed ang grabbed her bags and followed.

When Bec caught up with Jordan and heared her mumble something but she couldn't quiet here her. Then all of a sudden a tall stern looking woman in a white skirt, red puffy shirt and her hair in a bun appeared infront of the two. Jordan quickly swiped the pouting look off of her face and gulped. Bec just looked the woman up and down to afraid to say anything, although she never said much anyway.

Then Jordan's father walked up behind the two younger girls and said "Hi, im Sam Ferris" then he stuck his hand out reading for a friendly shake. The woman diverted her attention form the girls to the man with ruffled hair and she shook his hand and said. "Pleased to meet you, Im Tiffany Winston" then she jerked her head towards the girls and spoke sternly, "thats's Mrs Winston to you two". The girls were so startled by this that they actually jumped a bit.

As Jordan's dad and Mrs winston were talking Jordan's vision clamped onto a boy. A hot boy. She couldn't take her eyes off of him, she was mesmerized and then her heads started filling with questions. "How old is he? Does he die his hair or is that his natural colour? Can he see me? Is he single?..." thoughts like thesed trailed through her head and her face change to a drifted daze. But that daze was abruptly disterbed by the shaking of Bec.

"We have to go to our room" she said softly as she held up two keys. Jordan looked at them closely, and she realized they had two different numbers. "Aren't we in the same room!" she raised her voice, but she slapped her hand over her mouth and look to see what Mrs Winston looked like after seeing that outburst. But she was gone. Jordan sighed from relief. "Apparently im in a totally different wing" Bec's soft voice rang again. Jordan looked at two buildings the were on two totally different sides of the school. Then she heared the screeching of tyres and the calling of Jordan and Bec's name's and she new her parents had just left.

"oh great" she thought, "no going back now..."

end of chapter 1 what do ya think of this one?

Kind of short for a chapter.

Also, you need to start a new paragraph when another person starts talking. You can't have two different people's quote in the same paragraph, atleast I don't think so. Some issues with grammar, something a writer should have.

That's pretty much all I have to say.

please no more critisisim im not looking to be perfect i just want to no what you think of the genral story?

You're asking what we think, we're telling you that the grammar makes the story impossible to read. It isn't that hard to use the spellcheck and use auto-correct for grammar. It's not even that your grammar is bad or anything, it's that you don't make an effort to make it readable at all. Understanding your audience is something that all authors do, that all PEOPLE do.

I think that the story would be okay if it wasn't for your grammar. Your choice of words is good, however one thing I find constantly is that they whole "normal life story" is incredibly boring. It takes a good author to turn a boring storyline into an exciting book, or at least with a good meaning to it. What do you want to tell the readers? What did your characters learn? How did they emotionally grow throughout the story?

Not asking for crit, or specifically asking for no more crit is like not wanting to improve. In fact, it IS not wanting to improve.

If you're going to throw a fit at me, etc (or if anyone else is, for that matter), ignore everything I wrote there. Good job. I really want to read more of your story.

im not going to throw a fit at you pynochit in fact i think you are incredibly right so in my next chapter im going to make much more effort thanx for the wake up call ^_^

ok i have listened to all the critisim and hints and taken them to heart so here is the newest chapter

[SIZE=14pt]plez read[/SIZE]

Chapter 2

Jordan walked along the halls of her dorm looking for her room.

"This sucks!" she thought a she slumped along.

"First they chuck me off to boarding school, and now i have to be completely seperated from my best friend!" She felt like screaming but contained herself.

"Stay calm Jordan the worst thing you can do is have a fit."

When she reached her room she shoved the key in the lock and jolted open the door. She was suprised to find another girl already in there laying clothes on the bottom bunk. She looked at Jordan and blushed. She had long brown hair in piggy plats and she had glasses and she was very tall.

"Oh Im so sorry," she began

"I thought you would like the top bunk, so I started to lay my clothes on the bottom, but if you want the bottom bunk thats fine to I could always just pack my clothes up again."

The girl was panicing but Jordan had no idea why.

"No thats fine" Jordan said.

"I like top bunks, besides it looks like you've spent alot of time laying out those clothes of yours."

The girl smiled and watched Jordan as she dropped her bag on the floor.

"Im Renee, Renee Sykes" the girl said in a whisper.

"Oh really," Jordan Said looking up,

"Im Jordan Ferris, nice to meet you Renee"

Renee blushed and focused her attention to her clothes again. Jordan reached into one of her bags and pulled out a picture and put it on one of the two desks in the room.

"You don't mind if i have this desk do you?" Jordan asked Renee. It looked like Renee was about to panic again.

"Oh of coarse not!" She said quickly, almost knocking off her glasses. Jordan smiled and pulled out her laptop and put it on the desk. Then she moved to her other port and began unpacking her clothes in the cuboard.

"Things are starting to look up." She thought "Maybe this won't be so bad after all."

ok that is the latest chapter am i improving? if i need more improvment or hints please tell me