kaffeeklatschgirl3
Well-known member
Hi guys, this was formerly known as "What do you think of my story?" but I didn't want it as a poll anymore because people wouldn't reply plus this one is paragraphed. (and for some reason I couldn't edit the other one) If a guide reads this, please close the other topic for me, thanks!
Alright, I havn't established the plot yet, it's only the very beginning. But I WILL post more. I'm currently writing the part where it establishes the plot, so be patient and keep checking for more! Here it is:
[SIZE=20pt] Namilya took a deep breath, then plunged into the pouring rain, running as fast as she could and hoping she wouldn’t slip and fall flat on her face. Of course, she could have just waited for the rain to stop, but for all she knew that could take all day, and the last thing she wanted was to be stuck in that crowded café all day. Tarathys was full of thick-headed, close-minded people, all with the same I’ll-Do-It-Later attitude.[/SIZE]
She continued to dash along the slippery road, heading towards Hangelber Wood just on the outskirts of the village. When she finally reached the wood the rain suddenly seemed calmer, due to the closely knit trees that canopied over her, and she allowed her pace to slow and her thoughts to wander. She had gone to Maudin’s Café for the same reason she always did, because she was in the mood for tea, or hot chocolate, or anything that she didn’t want to go to the trouble of making, and in hopes that she might hear some news that was slightly more interesting than Reinie’s little baby girl had gained a new tooth. Luckily for Namilya, there was some very interesting news indeed. She was just stirring some milk into her raspberry tea when Alena walked in and Namilya closed her eyes, hoping Alena wouldn’t notice her. But she did.
“Hey, Namilya! You’ll never guess what I’m about to tell you!”
Namilya sighed and reluctantly opened her eyes to meet Alena’s bright green ones.
“You’re right, I probably won’t.” She turned back to her tea.
“Well, the word is that a woman’s come to visit Tarathys. Just visiting. She has no friends or relatives here, I doubt she’s trading this time of year, and I’m pretty sure she hasn’t come just to see the sights. Nobody knows why she’s here.”
“Really?” Namilya looked up. “Maybe she’s moving here.”
Alena shook her head. “No, it’s definitely not that. I know for a fact that there aren’t any houses for sale in the entire village.”
“Hmm.” Namilya stared out the window, pondering on what she had just heard. Alena ordered a hot chocolate and began talking to Maya. Soon it began to drizzle outside, and then it suddenly began to pour. Namilya then took no hesitation in dashing out now that she had an excuse.
So now here she was, nearing the edge of Hangelber Wood, still wondering what the reason could be for the woman to be visiting. Alena could have been wrong, but that chance was slim to none. Alena may have been young, but she was already the village’s biggest gossip. She knew everything about everyone and never hesitated in opening her big mouth and revealing it. Namilya suspected that Alena knew more about her than she did. She could think of no reasonable explanation, however, no matter how hard she tried to come up with an answer.
Namilya sighed and told herself that she would find out who the woman was eventually. But patience was not something that Namilya was at all accustomed to. She quickened her pace and ran across the slick grass, hopped over her fence, and ran inside to be greeted by a damp, musty smell, but to her it smelled like home. She wrung out her hair, kicked off her shoes, and threw herself onto the overstuffed couch. The house was empty except for Namilya and Trekker, the zorna. It had been for over four years.
Namilya’s parents died the night before her first birthday. Nobody knew how, or why. Only that they were found dead in their bedroom with little Namilya cooing softly in her crib, completely unharmed. She then lived with her grandmother until she was nearly nine, when her grandmother died. Anyone with basic common sense would say she died of old age, but there was something fishy about the fact that it was the day before Namilya’s birthday, just like her parents. Like how the tongue keeps going over a lost tooth, her mind kept going back to that strange, unsolved mystery.
Trekker ran into the room to greet Namilya. She rubbed him behind his ears and he gave a low hum of appreciation. A zorna looked a bit like the common cat, but smaller. A full-grown zorna was about the size of a six-month-old kitten. It’s ears were shorter and broader, and the skin underneath it’s fur was strong and leathery. Trekker’s fur was a cream-colored except for a circle of black around each eye. Everyone considered zornas bad luck except for Namilya. Apparently satisfied, Trekker walked off into the bedroom to nap. Namilya smiled, got up, and walked over to her desk, where she sat down and stared at the paper in front of her.
Now that she was thirteen, Namilya was finished with school one, which meant that she was given one year to try out jobs and think about what she wanted to do in her future. She would then move on to school two with a major and two minors. When she turned seventeen, she would immediately move on to school three, where she would finally get a degree at twenty. In front of her was a list of places that those in between schools one and two were to work in, the top three of which were crossed out. The next place on the list was Nara’s apple orchard, where she would have the exciting job of checking every single apple for bruises. Namilya sighed. It was going to be a long year.
So tell me what you think! I want criticism! Tell me if there's a comma out of place!
Oops! Messed up on the title! Can a guide please close this, too?
Alright, I havn't established the plot yet, it's only the very beginning. But I WILL post more. I'm currently writing the part where it establishes the plot, so be patient and keep checking for more! Here it is:
[SIZE=20pt] Namilya took a deep breath, then plunged into the pouring rain, running as fast as she could and hoping she wouldn’t slip and fall flat on her face. Of course, she could have just waited for the rain to stop, but for all she knew that could take all day, and the last thing she wanted was to be stuck in that crowded café all day. Tarathys was full of thick-headed, close-minded people, all with the same I’ll-Do-It-Later attitude.[/SIZE]
She continued to dash along the slippery road, heading towards Hangelber Wood just on the outskirts of the village. When she finally reached the wood the rain suddenly seemed calmer, due to the closely knit trees that canopied over her, and she allowed her pace to slow and her thoughts to wander. She had gone to Maudin’s Café for the same reason she always did, because she was in the mood for tea, or hot chocolate, or anything that she didn’t want to go to the trouble of making, and in hopes that she might hear some news that was slightly more interesting than Reinie’s little baby girl had gained a new tooth. Luckily for Namilya, there was some very interesting news indeed. She was just stirring some milk into her raspberry tea when Alena walked in and Namilya closed her eyes, hoping Alena wouldn’t notice her. But she did.
“Hey, Namilya! You’ll never guess what I’m about to tell you!”
Namilya sighed and reluctantly opened her eyes to meet Alena’s bright green ones.
“You’re right, I probably won’t.” She turned back to her tea.
“Well, the word is that a woman’s come to visit Tarathys. Just visiting. She has no friends or relatives here, I doubt she’s trading this time of year, and I’m pretty sure she hasn’t come just to see the sights. Nobody knows why she’s here.”
“Really?” Namilya looked up. “Maybe she’s moving here.”
Alena shook her head. “No, it’s definitely not that. I know for a fact that there aren’t any houses for sale in the entire village.”
“Hmm.” Namilya stared out the window, pondering on what she had just heard. Alena ordered a hot chocolate and began talking to Maya. Soon it began to drizzle outside, and then it suddenly began to pour. Namilya then took no hesitation in dashing out now that she had an excuse.
So now here she was, nearing the edge of Hangelber Wood, still wondering what the reason could be for the woman to be visiting. Alena could have been wrong, but that chance was slim to none. Alena may have been young, but she was already the village’s biggest gossip. She knew everything about everyone and never hesitated in opening her big mouth and revealing it. Namilya suspected that Alena knew more about her than she did. She could think of no reasonable explanation, however, no matter how hard she tried to come up with an answer.
Namilya sighed and told herself that she would find out who the woman was eventually. But patience was not something that Namilya was at all accustomed to. She quickened her pace and ran across the slick grass, hopped over her fence, and ran inside to be greeted by a damp, musty smell, but to her it smelled like home. She wrung out her hair, kicked off her shoes, and threw herself onto the overstuffed couch. The house was empty except for Namilya and Trekker, the zorna. It had been for over four years.
Namilya’s parents died the night before her first birthday. Nobody knew how, or why. Only that they were found dead in their bedroom with little Namilya cooing softly in her crib, completely unharmed. She then lived with her grandmother until she was nearly nine, when her grandmother died. Anyone with basic common sense would say she died of old age, but there was something fishy about the fact that it was the day before Namilya’s birthday, just like her parents. Like how the tongue keeps going over a lost tooth, her mind kept going back to that strange, unsolved mystery.
Trekker ran into the room to greet Namilya. She rubbed him behind his ears and he gave a low hum of appreciation. A zorna looked a bit like the common cat, but smaller. A full-grown zorna was about the size of a six-month-old kitten. It’s ears were shorter and broader, and the skin underneath it’s fur was strong and leathery. Trekker’s fur was a cream-colored except for a circle of black around each eye. Everyone considered zornas bad luck except for Namilya. Apparently satisfied, Trekker walked off into the bedroom to nap. Namilya smiled, got up, and walked over to her desk, where she sat down and stared at the paper in front of her.
Now that she was thirteen, Namilya was finished with school one, which meant that she was given one year to try out jobs and think about what she wanted to do in her future. She would then move on to school two with a major and two minors. When she turned seventeen, she would immediately move on to school three, where she would finally get a degree at twenty. In front of her was a list of places that those in between schools one and two were to work in, the top three of which were crossed out. The next place on the list was Nara’s apple orchard, where she would have the exciting job of checking every single apple for bruises. Namilya sighed. It was going to be a long year.
So tell me what you think! I want criticism! Tell me if there's a comma out of place!
Oops! Messed up on the title! Can a guide please close this, too?
Last edited by a moderator:
