You Wish

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KillerRose14

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I do not know why I named it "You Wish." But, ah well.

The italicized parts are Delilah telling the story. The dodger blue part is one part of the story put as the intro.

Delilah looked away. She didn’t want Daniel to see her like this, all red-faced and tearful. “Delilah?” Daniel said, worried. “You alright?” “Yeah, I’m fine,” she answered, shaken up and insincere. “C’mon, don’t be like this. Tell me everything,” Daniel said. "No talking!" the Math teacher said to Daniel.

Daniel’s a good friend. Or so I thought. I always trusted him, but he betrayed me. I don’t think I can face him anymore. He caused the tears, he caused the problems. He’s the one who almost cost me my life. Now, it’s his turn for all of the tears, tantrums, and conflicts he caused. Goodbye forever, Daniel. Delilah smirked.

“Delilah, you shouldn’t do this,” her best friend, Katherine, said. “Kat, I know what I’m doing,” Delilah said. “What are you doing, then?” Katherine said.

“I’m going to destroy Daniel.”

“It’s not a good idea.”

“He suffocated me with a pillow!!”

“Okay, but that doesn’t mean you can destroy him!” Katherine yelled. “You’re just saying that because you like him,” Delilah said, banging her head on the lunch table.

Well, Kat has a boy problem. She needs to go to an all girls’ school. Anyway, she’s just defending him because he’s her number 1 crush. She’s been liking him for like 4 years. She never had the nerve to tell him she likes him, although he knows already, but never admitted it to her.

Hope you enjoyed! Any comments?

 
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That's pretty good, but I want to know what happened earlier, what the setting is and what time of day it is. Get into some details here.

 
Well, your'e right. I'm probably just tired. Or maybe I should've looked it over. Is is better now? [[ I edited it ]]

 
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Wait why did the Math Teacher say there was no talking when they were at lunch??

When did he suffocate her?

Why was she crying and red faced at lunch??

Sorry but these things clear up the story. Other then that :wub: wonderful!!

 
Ya, it sounds good, but I think you jumped foreward a bit. You should start the story before she gets suffocated. It sounds really good, but remember that the readers don't know everything about the story that you do.

 
Wait why did the Math Teacher say there was no talking when they were at lunch??When did he suffocate her?

Why was she crying and red faced at lunch??

Sorry but these things clear up the story. Other then that :D wonderful!!
Well ,I'm kind of new at this so...expect to see alot of mistakes! I'm going to edit it, so, thanks for all the support and tips! :)

 
I do not know why I named it "You Wish." But, ah well.The italicized parts are Delilah telling the story. The dodger blue part is one part of the story put as the intro.

Delilah looked away. She didn’t want Daniel to see her like this, all red-faced and tearful. “Delilah?” Daniel said, worried. “You alright?” “Yeah, I’m fine,” she answered, shaken up and insincere. “C’mon, don’t be like this. Tell me everything,” Daniel said. "No talking!" the Math teacher said to Daniel.

Daniel’s a good friend. Or so I thought. I always trusted him, but he betrayed me. I don’t think I can face him anymore. He caused the tears, he caused the problems. He’s the one who almost cost me my life. Now, it’s his turn for all of the tears, tantrums, and conflicts he caused. Goodbye forever, Daniel. Delilah smirked.

“Delilah, you shouldn’t do this,” her best friend, Katherine, said. “Kat, I know what I’m doing,” Delilah said. “What are you doing, then?” Katherine said.

“I’m going to destroy Daniel.”

“It’s not a good idea.”

“He suffocated me with a pillow!!”

“Okay, but that doesn’t mean you can destroy him!” Katherine yelled. “You’re just saying that because you like him,” Delilah said, banging her head on the lunch table.

Well, Kat has a boy problem. She needs to go to an all girls’ school. Anyway, she’s just defending him because he’s her number 1 crush. She’s been liking him for like 4 years. She never had the nerve to tell him she likes him, although he knows already, but never admitted it to her.

Hope you enjoyed! Any comments?
Miles of smiles,

Isn't this supposed to be in the Tama Talk Fan Fiction, otherwise, good story!

Posted with a mile-wide smile, ~Christail~

 
Daniel’s a good friend. Or so I thought. I always trusted him, but he betrayed me. I don’t think I can face him anymore. He caused the tears, he caused the problems. He’s the one who almost cost me my life. Now, it’s his turn for all of the tears, tantrums, and conflicts he caused. Goodbye forever, Daniel.

“Delilah, you shouldn’t do this,” her best friend, Katherine, said. “Kat, I know what I’m doing,” Delilah said. “What are you doing, then?” Katherine said.

“I’m going to destroy Daniel.”

“It’s not a good idea.”

“He suffocated me with a pillow!!”

“Okay, but that doesn’t mean you can destroy him!” Katherine yelled. “You’re just saying that because you like him,” Delilah said. She threw a grape at Katherine and threw her lunch away.

Well, Kat has a boy problem. She needs to go to an all girls’ school. Anyway… she’s just defending him because he’s her number 1 crush. She’s been liking him for like 4 years straight. She never had the nerve to tell him she likes him, although he knows already, but never admitted it to her.

When Delilah heard the school bell ring, she immediately ran to class. “See ya next period!” she yelled back to Katheine. During class, she had a flashback:

Delilah, being the innocent and sweet girl she is, was just lying on her bed in the doctors when Daniel suddenly barged in and suffocated her with her own pillow. She struggled to push him away, but miserably failed. But, luckily the nurse came in and forced Daniel to stop. The nice nurse kicked him out and told him to never bother poor Delilah again. Daniel left and when he was walking out the door he mouthed to Delilah, ‘I will kill you.’ Delilah was scared of him and avoiding him ever since.

“Delilah,” the science teacher said. “Delilah!!!” he yelled. “Delilah Gonzalez!” “Yeah?” Delilah was startled. “Now that you’re back to reality, what is an atom?” Mr. Faye, the science teacher, asked. “Uh…something, like, everything is made of?” she said, unsure of her poorly worded answer. “Delilah, yes, but, what is it made of?” Mr. Faye asked.

“It is made of…acid?”

“Wrong! It’s up on the board Ms. Gonzalez.”

“Oh. Sure, I knew that,” Delilah said, looking away.

Is this better? The gray part is the flashback. Please point out my mistakes! Thanks!

 
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It's great except...:

WHy was she in the doctors office?

Why did Daniel do that?

Why was Daniel mad at her?

Why did he care later on in the story?

It needs a little editing.

Other then that ok. SOrry but this is a great story, but it needs clarifying to be better.

Besides that it's so good it's my kind of story.

 
I agree. Oh, and ~christial~ this doesn't belong in tama talk fan fiction it has nothing to do with tamagotchis. Like i said, good story, but you might want to start in a different spot instead of having to explain it.

 

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