my story

what do you think its just the first pargrah fell free to correct it any idead for the res of the story

Alice woke up what times is it she thought to her self she rolled over to look at her clock 7:00 she better go do the angle ( her horse) she grabbed her jeans and her blue foal t-shirt and ran to the food shed but they only had one biscuit of hay luckily mum had gone to get some more she called angle but she didn’t come so she turned around to take it back to the food shed till she woke up but angle was in her food shed eating the remains of the hay of the ground

some one plz

now im not a critic but ive heard better and their really isnt anything happening. <_<

it only the first pargrath okaythat all iv written in 5minutes

It's good but confusing, (Try not to use parentheses) and use proper punctuation. Ad a bit more detail and you're good!

...cristisism ahead

ok i didn't really find the first sentence really interesting. That tells people what the story is like. Like saying "Bob was walking down Magnolia Street when he noticed the shadow of a stranger coming closer to him" would be pretty interesting. But saying "Sally was skipping to school." was a preeeeeeeetty boring sentence, in fact, it's barely a sentence.

The first paragraph should always be the most interesting so that it gets the readers attention. This one (no offense) was pretty boring. I stopped reading after (her horse)

It needs spellcheck, some SERIOUS editing, and MAJOR punctuation action.

You spent five minutes on it? Well no wonder. You should always take your time when writing a story ESPIECALLY the beginning.

EDIT: and you made the ENTIRE paragraph a sentence!

Heres some helpful critiscm.

1stly, when you write a story, try and use an interesting first sentence, called a narrative hook, to hook readers in. So, You could say "All Alice could hear was that annoying ringing in her ears, according to her alarm, she had to get up for school"

2ly, Break things up! Don't forget your Capitals, and mainly periods! It will make your writing look much more organized!

Thirdly, your writing needs lots of editing, make sure when you type, you spell it write! Angle the horse? I believe you mean Angel.

Lastly, Take your time when writing! Take pride in your work!

kc a fellow author (PUBLISHED)

Lastly,