Young writer contest at school

At school we have to write a a story

Im stuck and dont even have a name for my story Xp

Heres what I have so far

It all happend so fast,and Iv never been so scared in my life.Im waiting in my closet knowing he would find me thinking how this all started

It all happened to months ago. I was sleeping during history class, unaware of anything really around me. Ms. Mildred's voice sounded from the front of the class room.

"We have a new student, he's from Belarus." She announced. I lifted my head groggily.

Now class, please welcome Jason Twine!" As Jason walked in, I looked at him. He had skin as pale as snow, topped with bright, blue eyes. His pointy noise looked a bit too small for his face, and his red lips looked as if there was ice glazed over it.Miss .Mildred sat him down in the only empty seat ,beside me.

The bell finally rang for lunch, and I rushed into the Cafeteria for Pizza Day. After getting my pizza (pepperoni with peppers) I noticed the new kid, Jason, sitting at the end of the table all by himself. Making my way towards him to find our more about him, I sat beside him. He really didn't notice me, untill I nervously said "Hello". I attempted to start a conversation by asking what it was like in Belarus, but he didn't answer, nor did he even notice. He just took a sip of water. My face turned red out of embarrasement. The bell rang once again, signaling the end of lunch. Rising to my feet, I put my tray away and headed to the cafeteria.

Thats all I have so far

I wanna make it to were Jason and Sofian become best friends but I dont know how to do that Xp

I also need a name :/

At school we have to write a a storyIm stuck and dont even have a name for my story Xp

Heres what I have so far

It all happend so fast,and Iv never been so scared in my life.Im waiting in my closet knowing he would find me thinking how this all started

It was about 2 months ago and I was sleeping during History and Miss.Mildred yelled something at me and woke me up."We have a new student,Hes even from Belarus"

She said in her bird like voice."Weres Belarus" I asked outload? "Sofian! Your probrably the only one in 7th grade who dosent know that Belarus is in Eastern Europe!" "How would I know" I said to myself."Know class please welcome Jason Twine!" As Jason walked in He had Snowy pale skin,bright blue eyes,small pointy nose,and icy red lips.

Miss.Mildred sat him down in the only empty seat,beside me.

The bell rang for lunch and I rushed out the room for pizza day.After I got my lunch I saw that Jason was sitting at the end of the table,all by himself. I made my way torward him to find out more about him and I sat beside him.He didnt notice me till I said "Hello" I said nevously and he just seemed to glance up.I tried to start a conversation by asking "Whats it like in Belarus?" He didnt awnser or seem to notice he just took a sip of water.My face went red out of emberesment,then the bell rang and I headed over to math.

Thats all I have so far

I wanna make it to were Jason and Sofian become best friends but I dont know how to do that Xp

I also need a name :/

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Remember your punctuation and periods. And spaces between your periods and commas. Don't forget to spell-check. I'll start with what I like. xD

Jason Twine is interestigly described. He seems to be the bad character from what I see, but there might be a plot turn. How should I know? xD

You have a nice, interesting plot here. I'd love to read alot more; and once your done, could you post it again? Your real talented, and with practice you could write a whole book.

As for the concrit:

It was about 2 months ago and I was sleeping during History and Miss.Mildred yelled something at me and woke me up."We have a new student,Hes even from Belarus"

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Now, it's moving a bit too fast here. Maybe you should put in a little detail, something like:

It all happened to months ago. I was sleeping during history class, unaware of anything really around me. Ms. Mildred's voice sounded from the front of the class room.

"We have a new student, he's from Belarus." She announced. I lifted my head groggily.

Also, it's sort of a run on sentence. Where you said "It was about two months ago and I was sleeping during history and Ms. Mildred yelled something and woke me up." Way too many ands. Try to break the sentence down a little bit.

It was about two months ago, when I was asleep during history class. I heard Ms. Mildred yell something, which woke me up. As you see, only two sentences and no and's. And's shouldn't connect two sentences, a sentence should state one thing usually. You could have made four sentences from that run-on.

."Know class please welcome Jason Twine!" As Jason walked in He had Snowy pale skin,bright blue eyes,small pointy nose,and icy red lips.

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Once again, a run on sentence. Try a bit more detail, use metaphors and other neat features to make your writing come alive.

"Now class, please welcome Jason Twine!" As Jason walked in, I looked at him. He had skin as pale as snow, topped with bright, blue eyes. His pointy noise looked a bit too small for his face, and his red lips looked as if there was ice glazed over it.

The bell rang for lunch and I rushed out the room for pizza day.After I got my lunch I saw that Jason was sitting at the end of the table,all by himself. I made my way torward him to find out more about him and I sat beside him.He didnt notice me till I said "Hello" I said nevously and he just seemed to glance up.I tried to start a conversation by asking "Whats it like in Belarus?" He didnt awnser or seem to notice he just took a sip of water.My face went red out of emberesment,then the bell rang and I headed over to math.

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Same problem as the above. But I really like this paragraph, it seems interesting.

The bell finally rang for lunch, and I rushed into the Cafeteria for Pizza Day. After getting my pizza (pepperoni with peppers) I noticed the new kid, Jason, sitting at the end of the table all by himself. Making my way towards him to find our more about him, I sat beside him. He really didn't notice me, untill I nervously said "Hello". I attempted to start a conversation by asking what it was like in Belarus, but he didn't answer, nor did he even notice. He just took a sip of water. My face turned red out of embarrasement. The bell rang once again, signaling the end of lunch. Rising to my feet, I put my tray away and headed to the cafeteria.

Keep on doing it, most of this was just grammar. Nothing wrong with the story itself, it would definately keep me reading.

Thanks :^D

I plan on writing the rest tommorow and show my teacher on Monday

Also im trying to make Jaosn and Sofian become best friends than Sofian finds something interesting about Jason that I dont wanna say yet