Twilight Catalog. [For dislikers]

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cluck_cluck_chicken

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Yes. It actually amuses me. This:

Number of Pages in the Book: 498

The First Hint of a Plot that Is Not Bella and Edward's Romance: page 328

When the Plot Actually Arrives: page 372

Boys that Totally Love Bella (Including Edward Cullen): 5

Approximate Amount of Time Bella and Edward are Romantically Involved Before Bella Is Begging Edward to Turn Her into a Vampire so They Can Be Together Forever: Like, two weeks. Maybe three. The timeline's a bit fuzzy.

References to Edward's Beauty: 165

Broken Down into the following categories -

Face: 24 (Favorite adjectives: glorious, heavenly, seraphic)

Voice: 20 (The voice of an archangel, donchaknow.)

Eyes: 17

Movement: 11

Smile: 10

Teeth: 8

Muscles: 7

Skin: 7 (Note: This only contains accounts of Edward's skin being beautiful. I didn't count references to it as "pale," "cold," or "white." If I had, this number would be about ten times larger.)

Iron Strength or Limbs: 5

Breath: 4 (EVEN HIS BREATH IS AMAZING.)

Scent: 4

Laughter: 3

Handwriting: 2

Chest: 2

Driving Skills: 1

The Number of Times...

Bella Is Clumsy or Makes a Reference to Her Clumsiness: 26

Bella Sneers at Forks or Its Inhabitants: 22

Bella is "Dazzled" or Rendered Speechless by Edward's Beauty or Touch: 17

Edward Tells Bella to Stay Away from Him While Completely Contradicting Himself with His Behavior: 16

Bella is Utterly Desolate at Edward's Absence: 12

Edward and Bella Kiss: 8

Bella's Hormones Get the Better of Her and She Attacks Edward, Almost Causing Him to Eat Her: 2 (She's not even allowed to kiss him back! Where's the fun in that?)

Edward's Kiss Makes Bella Faint: 1

Edward's Kiss Makes Bella's Heart Literally Stop: 1

Bella Thinks She Isn't Good Enough for Edward: 6

Edward Is Referred to As Godlike: 5 (Note: This number might be off, as I didn't start counting until three or four mentions in.)

Edward Tells Bella She's Unnatural: 5

Edward Sparkles: 3

Bella is in Mortal Danger: 3

Edward Saves Bella from Mortal Danger: 3

Edward Stalks Bella, For Real: 2 (Note: One of these instances involves watching her sleep every night for, like, months.)

Bella says "Holy Crow!": 2

Bella and Edward Argue About Who Loves the Other Most: 1

Edward's Inability to Read Bella's Mind is Explained: 0

 
XD

This seems really familiar, something tells me I've read it before.

The person who made this must be much more tolerant of bad writing than I am --- If I had scanned through that whole bloody book again, counting the horrible things about it, my mind would scream at me in protest.

Migraines, I tell you, migraines.

Someone should do these on the other parts of the quadrilogy.

 
OHMYGOD XD I should do this, for other books in the series. Wait, never mind, I think my friend stole mine. Well, not stole, but I had the hardback copies in a boxed set that I could read because I didn't want everyone to be talking about how sexy/stoned Edward Cullen is while I stand there wondering who I am and why I'm here. And so yeah, she borrowed them, then she ran off to Mexico. XD Actually she moved there. So now I don't have it anymore.

 
I'm sure she missed a few when counting that all. I worked it out, on average there is a refence to his beauty every 3 pages. Thats if its spread evenly.

twilightsucks.com Robert Pattinson thinks Twilight is the authors sexual fantasy. Shamed out!

 
I don't absolutley hate twilight, i've nevereverevaevaeva read it. :lol: It would be funny if there was a vampire and a girl and they fall in love and the vampire sucks her brain out and she becomes a zombie and then a giant disco lizard stomps them. LOL, I ♥ my [SIZE=19pt]IMAGINNATION[/SIZE] lololololol! :lol: NO!! TAMARIZE IT!!

Girl= :lol: Vamp/boy: :mimitchi:

:mimitchi: :wub: Braiiiiiiinssss!!! xD

 
I don't absolutley hate twilight, i've nevereverevaevaeva read it. :angry: It would be funny if there was a vampire and a girl and they fall in love and the vampire sucks her brain out and she becomes a zombie and then a giant disco lizard stomps them. LOL, I ♥ my [SIZE=19pt]IMAGINNATION[/SIZE] lololololol! :D NO!! TAMARIZE IT!!

Girl= :D Vamp/boy: :p

:D :p Braiiiiiiinssss!!! xD
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Wtf.

 
Actually, I kinda like all that stuff. I love how Bella was so dazzled by Edward's appearance, personality, etc. that she spoke of it so many times in the book. I like her insecurity. And of course, I LOVE Edward. xD

 
I actually really enjoyed the books. ;)
But that doesn't mean I don't like making fun of them. I thought this was hilarious. xD
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xD I'm exactly the same as you.

Love the books but this is totally hilarious.

 
Dude, that made me hate Twilight even MORE. LOL~

I extremely hate it, especially when my friends around me go all, "OMG Twilight is soooo cool" and stuff like that.

But we can't help it.

Teenagers these days...love those romance....espeically if it's between a vampire and a human.

 
I don't absolutley hate twilight, i've nevereverevaevaeva read it. :mametchi: It would be funny if there was a vampire and a girl and they fall in love and the vampire sucks her brain out and she becomes a zombie and then a giant disco lizard stomps them. LOL, I ♥ my [SIZE=19pt]IMAGINNATION[/SIZE] lololololol! :D NO!! TAMARIZE IT!!

Girl= :mametchi: Vamp/boy: :furawatchi:

:furawatchi: :furawatchi: Braiiiiiiinssss!!! xD
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Too much chocolate flavored sugar cubes xDD

 
It's from here. Shouldn't you have given them credit for it? They obviously spent ages doing that.

Any way, this it is pretty funny. Go on to the page then scroll down to the Twilight parody, I almost died reading that XD

 

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