Her Own Worst Enemy (New Story :P)

Okay people now before I begin the introduction of yet ANOTHER dark story of mine, I do have a few notes.

 

*The intro isn't very dark so, don't worry kids xD

*Just a beginning. I plan to continue it, but I would like criticism.

*I'm actually not to proud of the beginning, I just kind of started it but I don't expect it to be amazing.

 

And that's about it. Enjoy.

She had long brown hair with elegant curls, slender chocolate eyebrows with dark brown eyes, light cherry lips slathered with shimmering lip gloss, pale cheeks glowing crimson, a glimmering smile the brightened up anyone’s heart. That is the glorious appearance of the most popular girl in my school. Such beauty, such grace, no soul can resist her magnificent looks and warm heart. Long red nails, long smooth legs, cuts and dried blood on her wrists. That is the appearance of the most popular girl in my school. That is the appearance of me.

I know, short xD You'll live. Criticism? Comments?

Comments: Make it longer.

Criticism: They're isn't much to criticize. The descriptions form the picture in your mind, and I can see everything your typing as something in my head.

It's great. But may I ask why you write like 32472486 story intros at once instead of just focussing on one story?

It's great. But may I ask why you write like 32472486 story intros at once instead of just focussing on one story?

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I usually get new story ideas everyday, and I like writing them down, or even make an introduction so I can work on them again later on

[SIZE=9pt]I'm not trying to be picky, but all your intros start with how the character looks. Don't get me wrong, it's good, because I can picture her in my head - but possibly a more exciting intro would hook more readers in?[/SIZE]

 

Otherwise I'm looking forward to the rest.

[SIZE=9pt]I'm not trying to be picky, but all your intros start with how the character looks. Don't get me wrong, it's good, because I can picture her in my head - but possibly a more exciting intro would hook more readers in?[/SIZE] 

Otherwise I'm looking forward to the rest.

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Usually I just want to start it out like that because I don't want to jump into the story by just explaining, so I find it easier to just describe certain details in the intro, if that makes sense

^ Ohyeah, I see where you're coming from.