Jump to content

- - - - -

Moonlight Murder

  • Please log in to reply


  • vegancheeseburgerftw user photo
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 8,129 posts
  • Joined: 23-February 09

Posted 26 October 2009 - 12:53 AM ( #1 )

I wrote this for English. It's quite lame because it's not as grim and murderous as I like. Silly happy story liking teacher.
Opinions, feedback?

Why are you highlighting this? Freak Moonlight Murder

The cold dark night loomed over the tiny town of Keyvi. The moon shone dimly through the dark clouds. It was pitch black except for the occasional car passing through the town. The whole town was asleep with the exception of a few young lustful teens with intentions in mind. Sydney and Adelaide Austin sat wide awake. The two girls were friends more than sisters. Sydney was tall with dark black hair. Her bright green eyes sparkled whenever the dim moonlight caught her eye. She sat perched on a window sill patiently while Adelaide, her slightly younger but considerably shorter, sister to put on her other shoe. “Come on” Sydney said, getting impatient. “I’m done!” Adelaide said with a little excitement in her voice. “3 2 1” Sydney counted down. “Jump” She said as she leaped from window sill and landed gracefully on the grass. Adelaide followed suit. She took a deep and threw herself out the window. Unlike Sydney, Adelaide’s landing was anything but graceful. She rolled out of the lavender bush that had broken her fall.

“Liam!” Sydney smiled, running towards him. Liam wrapped his arms tightly around her and kissed her on the forehead. Adelaide’s phone buzzed. She flicked it open and read the text. “Brandon wants me to meet him by the school” She said. “I’ll be back soon. Wait here, okay?” “Okay okay” Sydney said, paying little attention to her. Adelaide walked off swiftly. She decided to cut through Keyvi Town Park to save herself a few minutes.

Sydney and Liam sat on the edge of the road exploring each other’s throats while waiting for Adelaide and Brandon to return. The scream of a young girl pierced their ears. Sydney sat up straight, knowing exactly who it was. She felt a chill and began to shake. She held back the tears. She felt guilty for letting her go by herself. Lights of surrounding houses flicked on. The scream had woken a lot of people. Sydney watched as a few concerned residents stumbled out to see what was going on. Sydney explained what had happened to Jim, her most trusted neighbour. Jim got 2 other residents to help him have a look for Adelaide. Liam comforted Sydney while she waited for some news. “I bet she just stood on a snake” Sydney said, hopefully. “She’ll be fine” Liam tried to reassure her. Minutes later Jim ran back, his face pale. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, instead sitting on his door step. Sydney’s concern turned into fear. She knew it wasn’t just a snake and tears started flowing steadily from her green eyes.

The park was cordoned off with yellow crime scene tape within 10 minutes of Jim’s hasty return. A cool, calm police officer approached Sydney. “Sydney Austin?” He asked. “Ye-yes” She muttered. “Officer Bennett” He introduced himself. “Where are your parents?” He asked. “Dad’s at work out of town and mum seems to have slept through all this commotion” Sydney said, her voice shaky. “I’d like to speak to your mother immediately if possible” Sydney nodded and led him inside. She went and woke her mother. She stumbled out tired and confused to see Officer Bennett sitting at the dining table. “Mia Austin, please take a seat” He said. Mia nodded and took a seat. “Your daughter, Adelaide, has run into a bit of trouble” "Trouble? Has she been sneaking around the boys again?" Mia asked. "Yes and no. You see, she has snuck out but, there's no easy way to say this" "What? Say what?" Mia interrupted. "Adelaide has been" Officer Bennett paused and took a deep breath "Adelaide was murdered" He spat out. It was the first time he'd ever had to break the news of a murder to a family. "Murdered? How? Where? When?" Mia cried, wiping her tears with the sleeve of her night gown.

A white tent covered the dismantled body of Adelaide Austin. The whole town stood in shock. A forensics squad from a near by city had come in and taken over. They gathered evidence, not that there was much evidence to gather. The murderer had been quick and clean. The only real evidence was the machete they had used to cut her into several pieces and left in a kiddie swing. Keyvi had been such a crime free town. Only a small assault every few years. Adelaide's untimely end had been the first murder to be put into Keyvi police records since records began in 1920. The town waited for the police to catch the savage. Evidence proved nothing, leads led to nothing. It looked like they were going to get away with murder.

Years had passed. Sydney was 27 and living with Liam and their 2 year old daughter they'd named Adelaide in her memory. Mia was nearly 60. Mark, the girls father, had just celebrated his 65Th. Adelaide's murder has become a cold case but her family never forgot her, that was until Mark was found in the bathroom, one bullet to the head. A suicide note was found sellotaped over a portrait of Adelaide in the hallway. It read:

"Mia and Sydney

I'm sorry. Years of guilt has driven me over the edge. Everyday I saw this photo, everyday another part of me died. I so regret killing her and the stupid reason why. Adelaide discovered about an affair. I learnt of her plans to sneak out and told you I was going to work. I followed her to the park. I killed her with little dignity. I'm so stupid for putting my sordid secret before the life of my own daughter. To this day I don't know why I was so selfish. I guess the world is better off with out me. I'm sorry for causing you all such pain. I love you and thought you deserved to know. Much love, Dad."






26 Oct 2009

Last Post

05 Feb 2010


  • monkeez-cutiez user photo
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 336 posts
  • Joined: 17-October 09

Posted 05 December 2009 - 08:26 PM ( #2 )

That is such a good story! The language you use is really descriptive. I can't believe Mark would kill his own daughter. OPMG that is creepy *realises she has typed up everything she spoke to herself* woops!


  • xxrainingxxsunshinexx user photo
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 121 posts
  • Joined: 29-November 09

Posted 05 December 2009 - 08:41 PM ( #3 )

Very beautiful!You should be very proud of your self!!!:angry:


  • cutie-pop user photo
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,595 posts
  • Joined: 14-January 06

Posted 05 February 2010 - 08:21 PM ( #4 )

Wow. The ending really shocked me. The murder was so sudden, I didn't see it coming! Great job! What did the teacher say after she read it? Did she leave a comment or anything like that?