Posted 26 December 2009 - 05:35 PM
It's all I got. Comment~
Posted 26 December 2009 - 05:40 PM
I don't really understand why you skipped 5 whole years. Especially since you put the "something seemed to happen" bit, but didn't really give the reader much information on it.
That's all I can really say, seeing as there's not much written.
Posted 27 December 2009 - 09:34 AM
If you want to make it a biography, I think you should maybe clarify it a bit more (the 'wrestling' bit threw me off a little) and tell it in chronological order, but I think that since you have that kind of approach, it would make a good novel (:
And you were only born in 1999? That's a really good start.
Posted 27 December 2009 - 09:48 AM
If you use the words "T'was believed..." that would imply that it was not known for sure; therefore it is a little contradictary to follow it with an exact date.
It would be better to choose which style to go for - possible date or defininte date - but it doesn't really work trying to use both in the same sentence.
Try to use more paragraphs.
Your style is succinct and punchy. That's good and it is an intriguing way to begin a story. Readers often find this style compelling and want to read more. You can make it more so by using shorter paragraphs. For example:
T'was belived I was born on a Tuesday.
April 21st, 1999, to be exact.
Somthing said to have have happend with wrestling.
Let's fast forward to me at 5. Starting kindergarten. So exciting!
Miss. Munger as my teacher.
The first day was just how I imagined it would be.
Cheery and full of boys and girls the same age as me.
Skipping 5 years is not a problem as far as I am concerned. I assumed that you skipped straight to the part of your life where the story begins in earnest (at kindergarten).
Lastly, if you are not very good at spotting your own typos, I would also make more use of spell check