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War of wars


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kapaka789

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Posted 27 January 2010 - 08:48 PM ( #1 )

The elf stretched the arrow as a creature slipped by. When he saw his leader give the order he and the others in his side shot there arrows taking out half of the creatures. When the creatures drew there swords and charged them the elves on the other side shot taking out most of the others. The elf drew his sword and charged slaying a creature by cutting it neck. He ran to a tree and flung himself onto it and threw his sword at a creature. It let out a blood curling scream. He took out his bow and started to shoot again. When all the creatures were dead he hopped down and grabed his sword and fallowed his leader back to the vally. When he arived just as the elves put there weapons a while bunch of creatures burst in killing the inocent. The elf rached for his bow but an arrow land on his back. He fell to his knees and looked around in disbalief when he saw all the dead elves. He dived for his bow and picked it up and shot it at a creature about to kill a inocent child…

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Started

27 Jan 2010

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28 Jan 2010

Goggle-Face

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Posted 27 January 2010 - 09:27 PM ( #2 )

This... honestly makes no sense.

It's just a wall of text. Quite a bit of spelling mistakes, and a few awkward sentences.

I just got lost at When he arived just as the elves put there weapons a while bunch of creatures burst in killing the inocent
I have absolutely not clue what's going on in that sentence.

Really, this is also too short for a prolouge. It's like, the outline of one. I see no plot delevopment starting. (Really, that's what a prolouge is, the story behind the main story) I get that this is about mythical creatures, but this is just a jumbled mess of ideas, stitched together to try and form some sort of a plot.

kapaka789

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Posted 27 January 2010 - 09:44 PM ( #3 )

Trust me it will all make scence later





p.s this is based in a book I'm acutuly writing only this ones diffrent

p.s.s thanks for telling me this stuff so in my real book I can make it less confusing.

Snugly

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Posted 27 January 2010 - 09:48 PM ( #4 )

I'm gonna have to agree with google-face bro, but the one that your writing on your iPod is way better(I love it!)

Goggle-Face

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Posted 28 January 2010 - 03:19 PM ( #5 )

No, it doesn't seem like it'll make sense.
It's just a jumbled mess of a story. This isn't a prolouge, it's an outline. Your prolouge isn't your idea notebook, it's your buildup to the storyline.