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you cant see the winds the trees make


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mametchi_luver

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 11:05 PM ( #1 )

i stuck my finger into the icy water and watched as it made rings
thinking of wind i heard it blow
and felt my whispy hair lift from my shoulders and flow

you cannot see the sounds of trees or the winds they make
but yet somehow you can feel its there
and you see the waves of a flowing lake but do not no how the winds can make the peace of the water shake


Tell me what you think

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Started

13 Feb 2010

Last Post

14 Feb 2010

mametchi_luver

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 11:10 PM ( #2 )

btw u can tell me u hate it i dont mind i just wanted to no

+[ b r u t a l ]+

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 11:37 PM ( #3 )

I think it's simply beautiful. (:
Only thing I'd recommend is to have it run through a spell checker;

I stuck my finger into the icy water and watched as it made rings,
Thinking of wind as I heard it blow,
And felt my wispy hair lift from my shoulders and flow

You cannot see the sounds of trees or the winds they make;
But yet somehow you can feel it's there,
And you see the waves of a flowing lake but do not know how the winds can make,
The peace of the waters shake.

It looks more professional this way, and it'll be easier for the reader to understand.
/yesimsuchaperfectionist -shots-

Edited by +[ b r u t a l ]+, 14 February 2010 - 12:10 AM.


mametchi_luver

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 11:49 PM ( #4 )

i no grammer is not my thing but thanks thats my first poem it just came to mind today so i decided to post it on here
thanks for saying its beautiful
what would u rate it 1-10 10 being highest?

mametchi_luver

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 11:51 PM ( #5 )

I stuck my finger into the icy water and watched as it made rings,
Thinking of wind I heard it blow,
And felt my wispy hair lift from my shoulders and flow

You cannot see the sounds of trees or the winds they make;
But yet somehow you can feel its there,
And you see the waves of a flowing lake but do not know how the winds can make,
The peace of the waters shake

The grammer improved poem
thank you [ b r u t a l] for the help

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 11:55 PM ( #6 )

I guess around a seven or eight.
Because I like descriptive things.
A lot.

EDIT; Anytime. c:

Edited by +[ b r u t a l ]+, 13 February 2010 - 11:57 PM.


mametchi_luver

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 11:57 PM ( #7 )

Awesome thanks.
did u think it was pretty descriptive?

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Posted 14 February 2010 - 12:08 AM ( #8 )

^ Yes I do.
Mainly because that's what I lack in my own poetry.
Or maybe because I simply wasn't cut out for it in the first place. xD

Edited by +[ b r u t a l ]+, 14 February 2010 - 12:12 AM.


mametchi_luver

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Posted 14 February 2010 - 12:15 AM ( #9 )

well i love poetry
Edgar allan poe was amazing and my favorite poet

mametchi_luver

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Posted 14 February 2010 - 11:24 AM ( #10 )

love for trees

nature is a way to express,
the motions of the beautiful esque,
the wind can hurt,
the wind can heal,


Your mind foggs up,
its time to feel,
the oceans mist,
the sands power,


i dont no why i wrote this it dont work together i just kinda thought up the words like it took me about a minute