idk what I'm gonna call it...

This is a book I wrote. I haven't finished it yet. I'm like on the th chapter but it's going fast so I think I could post it all I'll try to post more of the book when I next get on. Hope you all like it! Please reply if you do! I'd really like to know! luv you all! -Shorty

Chapter: 1

Agent Jamie Meyer stepped out of her small black car and into the hot Austin summer air. She looked around for Chief Beucannen and found him standing by his car talking to a police officer.

"Who was the victim this time Chief?" Jamie asked walking up to him.

"Seventeen year old Silvia Parker." Chief Beucannen waved the police officer away and led Jamie over to the dead girl. She was slumped over in her small red car and had a bad head wound that was still bleeding everywhere.

Jamie winced at the sight. You said she was only seventeen?"

He nodded. "My son's only seventeen too, I couldn't imagine loosing him."

Jamie thought that statement a little funny because of the fact that the Chief and his son, Michael hardly got along. In fact, they barely even spoke to each other. And when they do, it always turns into a fight. "Where are the parents?"

"Over there." Chief Beucannen pointed to a couple.

She nodded and walked over to them. "Hello. I'm Agent Meyer."

"Hello Ms. Meyer. I'm Jerry Parker. "Mr. Parker shook Jamie's hand.

Jamie looked at a lady sitting on a bench crying. "Is she your wife sir?"

"Yes. Yes she is."

They walked over to her. "Hello Mrs. Parker. My name is Agent Jamie Meyer. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions concerning your daughter?"

Mrs. Parker looked up and whipped her eyes. "Of course. Ask what you need."

"Thank you ma'am." Jamie pulled out her note pad and pen out of her brief case. "Okay. When was the last time you saw your daughter?"

"We saw her last night." Mrs. Parker sniffed. "We got into a fight and she left for her best friend's house before I could stop her."

"If you don't mind me asking, what was your fight about?"

"She..." Suddenly Mrs. Parker burst into tears.

Jamie looked a Mr. Parker, hoping he would answer her question. "Mr. Parker?"

"Our daughter, Silvia, was... pregnant." Mr. Parker sucked in a deep breath trying to steady his emotions.

Jamie felt a sting of sadness run down her spine."I'm so sorry. If you want, we could continue this questioning another time."

"That would be great."

"Alright. Here's my card. Call me this week for an appointment." Jamie handed Mr. Parker her card then got up an left.

As she walked to her car, Jamie looked at the dead girl. There was no chance the baby would survive. That thought brought tears to her eyes. She opened her car door and got in, shutting herself in from the horror of the world outside.

* * *

Michael had just closed his locker when he heard somebody calling his name. He turned around and found his best friend, Andrew, walking toward him. "Hey Andrew. What's up man?"

"Not much. So you ready to get out of this place?"

"Totally dude! Let's go." Michael and Andrew walked out of the school building.

"You got your car with you?" Andrew asked.

"You bet. Where did you want to go?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe grab us some girls and shut some place down."

"I'm cool with the girls but you know I'm not into drinking man." Michael pulled out his keys and unlocked his blue car.

"Yea yea. At least I tried right?" Andrew rolled his eyes.

"So what girls did you have in mind?" Michael started up his car.

"I don't know. Your girlfriend and mine, duh." Andrew said matter of-factly.

"Go figure!" They laughed. Michael drove up to the entrance of the school and text his girlfriend, Sophie.

> Hey Sophie. Wanna come hand out?

He waited a few seconds then the reply came.

> You bet! Where do we meat?

> Outside school building

> Alright. I'll be there.

Michael closed his cell phone and filled Andrew in. "Sophie's gonna meet us out here, What about Debbie?"

"She'll be here." Andrew opened the passenger's car door and got out."And there she is." He gave Debbie a kiss.

"Hi Debbs." Michael stepped out of his car and walked over to them.

"Hi." She answered.

Somebody poked Michael on the shoulder. He turned around to find Sophie's short body standing behind him. "Sophie! Hi sweetie!" Michael gave Sophie a big hug.

"Hi Bond." Sophie smiled, using her nick-name for him. She stood on her tip-toes and gave him a kiss. "So what are we doing?"

"I don't know." Michael shrugged.

"Whatever you two want to do I guess." Andrew added.

"Well, there is a sale at one of my favorite stores." Debbie smiled.

"Oh! And there's this adorable pair of heels I want to buy!" Sophie added.

"Oh! And they're having a sale at 'Teen's Favorites.'" Debbie began to squeal.

Sophie smiled, showing her dimples. "Is.. that alright with you two?"

"Fine by me." Michael walked over to the driver's door and got in.

"Same with me." Andrew said, getting into the back seat, followed by Debbie."

"Well Debbs. Looks like we're going shopping!" Sophie got in the front seat and closed the door.

Chapter: 2

As Charlie Beucannen walked up the porch steps, he heard the familiar sound of teens laughing in his house. He walked in the front door and found bags, from the two most popular stores, on the couch. Charlie heard the laughing was coming from the dinning room. He walked in the room and all the laughing abruptly stopped. The teens were holding cans of soda and had bags of chips open on the table.

"Uh... hi guys." Charlie said awkwardly.

"Hi Mr. Chief Beucannen." Debbie sad plainly.

"Mind if I uh... join you guys?" Charlie walked a little closer to the table.

"And why would you want to do that?" Michael snapped.

"Charlie was taken back by his rude comment. Not really wanting to make a scene, Charlie turned on his heels and headed for the T.V. room. He turned on the T.V. to the News Channel and opened his lap-top.

"He thinks he can just come back into my life as if nothing's happened." Charlie heard Michael say.

Charlie felt his neck grow hot. How can he just gossip about me like that? He thought.

He turned up the T.V. when he saw a reporter standing b the car that Silvia Parker was in.

"...Police claim this accident may not have been an...accident." The reporter said. "Now, if I were you folks, I'd be extremely careful when I drive from now on."

Just then, Charlie heard a shrill scream come in from the other room.

***

Sophie screamed again and slammed the front door.

"Sophie?" Michael came running from the dinning room, followed by everybody else.

"Sorry guys." She apologized. Mr. Beucannen came running into the room. "It was reporters. They just startled me. I wasn't expecting a bunch of cameras flashing when I opened the door."

Mr. Beucannen grumbled, walked to the door and opened it. "Go away!" H e shouted.

"Chief! Can you give us a statement?" One of the reporters thrust a microphone in his face.

"No! Now go before I arrest you all!" Mr. Beucannen slammed the door.

Everybody went back to the dinning room, except for Mr. Beucannen, who went back to his lap-top.

"You sure did give me a scare Sophie." Michael sighed.

"I know!" Debbie added. "I wasn't expecting a scream."

Andrew nodded.

"Sorry guys. I'll try not to react like that next time."

Everybody laughed.

***

Jamie had just sat down at her desk, with her freshly brewed cup of coffee, when the house phone rang. Because of the fact that she was tired and had a lot of work to do on the case of Silvia Parker, she let the answering machine pick up. At first, she didn't hear anything, as if the person was deciding whether to leave a message or hang up.

"Jamie?" The person finally spoke. "Jamie, this is Seth. Are you there?"

At the mentioning of his name, Jamie bolted out of her chair and dashed for the phone. "Seth, hi!"

"Hi Jamie. I thought you weren't going to pick up for a whole second there."

"Oh, so you knew I was here?"

"I didn't say that, but yea. Shelia gave you away in a heart beat."

Jamie laughed at the comment on her secretary. "Yea well, she never was good at keeping secrets."

There was an awkward silence between them, then Jamie asked, "so, what's up?"

"Oh! Um," Seth pause. "I was just wondering if you had any plans for dinner tonight."

Jamie looked at the stove clock. It was 5:3pm. " Not really. In fact, I haven't even thought about dinner."

"Oh! In that case, I'll pick you up in an hour."

"Oh, so now we're jumping to conclusions I see." Jamie lifted an eye-brow as if he could see her.

Seth laughed. "You never turned me down before, so why start now?"

Jamie laughed at that. "True." She paused. "Where were you thinking about going to?"

"Oh, I don't know. Some place quiet maybe."

"Quiet would definitely be nice. Especially from reporters." Jamie twisted a stray strand of hair with her index finger.

"They been paparazzi you?"

"You have no idea. They've been bugging me to give them a statement about Silvia's accident, but I don't even know enough to give them anything. And to be totally honest, they'd be the last person I'd tell."

"Well, do you mind if I give them a...'statement'?"

"Are you crazy? They'd have you thrown in jail!"

"Oh come on. It'll be fun." Seth joked around.

Jamie laughed. "Yea, sure. Like I'm going to let you beat up anybody that comes in my path."

"Why not? Sounds like a god idea to me."

"Whatever silly. I'll see you in an hour, alright?"

"I'll be there." Seth laughed. "Bye."

Jamie hung up and quickly rushed off to take a shower.

Bravo. You are definitely improving grasshopper! Well done! Encore!

This story is in script form. And it's all dialect. It's boring, you need to add detail.

Yes, dialect in stories are important. But I'm not bashing your dialect. I must say your sentence structure is very good, even though your sentences are so short. You must add detail detail detail. That makes a story good. Without it, a novel is northing but two or more characters arguing/talking/gossiping. The story is boring without it, this seems like a movie script more than a novel.

Well, I didn't think it was boring, but I do agree it could a bit more detail.

Well thanks guys! ^.^ I'll take it as constructive criticism. I'll try to add more detail. Thanks for your opinions! -Shorty