What goes up, must come down...

The screaming of the people. It rung in Jake's ears. It made him want to reach out and help, but he was blinded. The cabin that had once been light was now dark. Jake couldn't see. He struggled to open his eyes. He was trapped in his seat. The belt had tightened, but not before Jake had slipped. It was tight across his neck. Jake tried to breathe in the oxygen, but there was none. It wasn't as if they were suffering depressurization. He was trapped in a tight spot, with limited oxygen. Jake could see a very faint orange glow dancing across the outside of his eyelids. Flames. Fire. The fusilage was on fire. If the flames even so much as licked the engine, they would all perish. It was getting harder and harder to breath. Jake's chest constricted with panic. He couldn't see the glow anymore. The screams were getting further and further away. They were leaving him. He was going to die.

 

...

 

Skylar tried to reach up and open the door. It was jammed tight. She threw her entire weight against, but due to her injuries, there wasn't a lot of force. She tried to scream, but dust and smoke choked her. Her brother was somewhere in the cabin. She had to get to Nathaniel. But she was trapped in the toilet. She'd rather have wet herself than get trapped here. Skylar tried to remain calm. She ran through the sequence of events before the crash in her mind.

 

"I'm just going to the loo Mum", she had said. Putting down her headphones, she had slipped out of her seat, and walked to the toilet. After using the loo, she was washing her hands, when a massive bang echoed throughout the cabin. Then...they were falling. Just like that.

 

Skylar took a deep breath through her nose, then tried to open the door again. Tears ran thick and fast down her face. Resting against the wall, she curled up, and waited for her saviour, her knight in shining armour, to arrive.

 

...

 

Jake could hear people yelling, flames burning, and a child crying. He opened his eyes slowly. He was standing on the edge of the runway, watching the massive aircraft burn. He wanted to run and help, but his legs wouldn't move. His parents, his sister, they were all trapped! He had to help them. He started to scream for them. There was nothing he could do. Jake watched the Singapore Airlines on the side of the plane, and the logo on the tail burn into blackness. He closed his eyes, and wished to be anywhere but there.

 

When he opened his eyes again, he was still trapped in the aircraft. There was a body lying near him, burned so severely, that Jake couldn't even tell if it was a man or a woman. He wanted to move. Jake shifted slightly, and then tried to pull his arm free with a sharp tug. He felt his wrist break in two places, but he kept pulling. Slowly, but surely, his now broken arm slid free. He reached across and undid the buckle on the seat. The belt slid free, allowing the oxygen that was left in the aircraft to flood his mouth and throat. Holding his broken arm across his mouth and nose, he crawled across what was left of the cabin floor. Finding an end to the fusilage, he slid out onto the runway. Looking up, he saw the observation deck of the airport flooded with people, and people everywhere on the tarmac. The airport was lit up like a beautiful ball of light. It was the last thing Jake managed to get a good look at before he passed out.

 

...

What do you think? I'm going through a phase where I'm obsessed with planes, so I thought a story like this would be a good way for me to soak up my time!

This is... really, really good. Like, really.

The whole concept of a plane crashing... you know, I'm surprised someone like you would write it. Please take that as a compliment, I mean no offence.

I only see one problem, and it reoccurs in your writing;

"I'm just going to the loo Mum", she had said.

The comma doesn't go after the quotation marks. It goes before. And only before there's a word tag, like said/giggled/sighed/grumbled/screamed/ect after it/ You got the word tag part right, just put a comma before. Like this;

"I'm just going to the loo, Mum," she had said.

I also added a comma after 'loo', because Skylar was adressing someone, and you have to have a comma before you adress someone. Not all the time, but only when you're talking directly to them.

Other that that one mistake, this is really good and interesting. No forced writing, no choppy sentence structure, and an interesting plot. I'd continue this.

Thanks for the criticism! h34r: I now know how to make it better!

And when you say that you were surprised someone like me would write it, is it because I'm obsessed with planes and love flying?

No, it's that... this is dark. I know you were writing about girls with cancer last time I saw your writing, but still. Crashing planes? I'm suprirsed, but pleast take that in a good way.

That was..... Wow.

That was really good. I have no critisizm at all.

People think it's weird that I don't get freaked out by watching Air Crash Investigations, reading aviation crash novels and writing aviation crash stories. It's just a topic that I've always been fascinated with.

Skylar threw herself against the door again, but it was wedged tight. She got up, her legs shaking with fear and frustration, and went to try and open the door again. But as she moved, her feet slid. Skylar fell against the sink hard, and knocked herself unconscious.

 

...

 

Jake's eyes fluttered open. He was lying on a gurney, an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. The gurney was on the apron, waiting for the paramedics to take him in the ambulance. Jake looked over to the aircraft. The outer shell was completely blackened. From what he could see, there were a lot of people who had perished lying about. Jake wanted to cry for all the souls that were lost, but he couldn't. He drew in a deep breath, but then coughed so hard he almost threw up. A few seconds later he realised he was moving. They were taking him to the hospital. He would finally feel at ease, like a weight would be lifted. That weight was watching the aircraft burn.

 

...

 

4 DAYS LATER

 

Mike looked at the screen in front of him. Full of dull colours and simple shapes, it wasn't fun to watch. But it was in his job description.

"SQ371 is requesting permission for landing", came over the headset on Mike's ears. He qucikly positioned it right, and sat up straight.

"SQ371 this is Perth International Airport Control Tower. What is your current flight level?" he asked, following the guidelines set in the voiceover handbook.

"Our current flight level is 20,0. We are descending at a speed of 150kt. We can keep our flight level balanced until you grant us permission. Over", was the reply from the jet.

"Permission granted. Land on runway 6/25. Keep the descent speed as you are. Maintain flight level 20,0 until further notice", Mike replied. The plane came down shortly after that. A tap on the shoulder startled Mike so much that he dropped his headset.

"We need to speak to you Mike. You were on duty the night SQ223 crashed on the runway. You guided that plane, which makes you a suspect in the crash", said Senior Manager Robert Micheals.

TBC...

Sorry I couldn't write more, I had to hurry this lot.

"Sir, how can I help?" Mike asked.

"Can you tell us what you told the pilot of SQ223 on the night of the crash?" replied Michaels.

"I told them the usual commands Sir. Nothing out of the ordinary. The weather was very wet though. That's all I can remember", Mike said.

"Thanks Mike. Appreciate it. But keep this in mind. 26 kids all under the age of 10 died that night. That might help you remember", Michaels told Mike as he turned to leave. Mike sighed. He wished he could help, but there was literally nothing he could do.

 

...

 

Jake lay on the crisp white sheets of the hospital bed. The hospital was very full, so he was sharing a ward with the other crash survivors. There was a 14 year old girl, her 13 year old cousin and an older girl who didn't talk. Jake looked over to Taylor's bed. He was playing with the Rubix cube one of the nurses had given him.

"Hey...mate", Jake said softly. Taylor turned.

"Yeah?" he said, giving Jake a look as though they were quizzing each other.

"Your cousin, Katie. She's 14, right?" Jake asked.

"Yeah. You're 15, aren't you...Joel?" Taylor replied.

"Jake. Jake Longstrom", Jake said, laughing. Taylor laughed as well. Katie reached over and swiped Taylor's pudding.

"Hey!" Taylor cried, all his attention on Katie, who was eating the pudding. Jake watched. Katie was very pretty. Her silky dark brown hair fell to her waist. Her skin was smooth and fair, with not a spot on it. Her eyes were so entrancing that when she looked at Jake, he could barely tear himself away. She was beautiful...and Jake was in love with her.

 

...

 

Katie finished off the pudding, then threw hers at Taylor.

"Here you go whinger!" she said, making Jake laugh. Taylor scowled, but quickly ate the pudding. Katie climbed out of her bed and went over to Jake's. The four teenagers had been incredibly lucky. The worst injuries and ailments suffered had been Jake's broken arm, and an asthma attack from Katie due to the dust.

"Hi", she said gently, batting her eyelashes. Jake sat up and grinned. Katie reached over to have a look at the magazine Jake was reading.

"Top Gear. I love that show!" she said. Jake looked at it.

"Yeah, I quite like it myself", he replied.

Is love blossoming? Will these teens soon realise that they lost all their relatives in the crash? Will friendships bloom...or arguments? Find out in Chapter 2

 

I'm sorry, I just had to add that cheesy stuff at the end.

Just a small note; don't type your chapters on TamaTalk. Write in Microsoft Word, or any writing program you have, and write the WHOLE chapter. And then post it. It's more better, and it gets the whole chapter out. It pleases the readers more? Posting small bits may add LOTS of suspence, but it's alright to tone down the suspense in exchange for getting the whole chapter out.

Regardless, I really like this story. So far, it's one of your best. I'll lurk this, and then pop in if I notice something, okay?

Tk, you're going to be the "guardian angel" of the story. xP.

But I agree with Claire, this is definately your best story yet.

I really like this story. It's very well written, and I can't wait to read more. Well done.

thanks guys! i really enjopy writing it to.

Just a small note; don't type your chapters on TamaTalk. Write in Microsoft Word, or any writing program you have, and write the WHOLE chapter. And then post it. It's more better, and it gets the whole chapter out. It pleases the readers more? Posting small bits may add LOTS of suspence, but it's alright to tone down the suspense in exchange for getting the whole chapter out.
Regardless, I really like this story. So far, it's one of your best. I'll lurk this, and then pop in if I notice something, okay?

Click to expand...

So you're saying, type it in Microsoft Word, then copy and paste it into TamaTalk? Or do I upload the chapter somehow and then give you a link or something? Does anyone maybe know like a site that I can post my stories on? Like a LiveJournal type of thing?

So you're saying, type it in Microsoft Word, then copy and paste it into TamaTalk? Or do I upload the chapter somehow and then give you a link or something? Does anyone maybe know like a site that I can post my stories on? Like a LiveJournal type of thing?

Click to expand...

This, exactly...

I don't get how people don't get it? Putting it in Microsoft Word can help you, for it keeps track of spelling and grammar...

ok. the rest of the chapter will come soon, i just have to get my school work outta the way!

This is... really, really good. I can't wait to read moree!

Dam.n

Haha. I like it.

Let's just say I'll be stalking this story for a while xD

stalking. lol.

Flying to Singapore again when I finish school. Decided that yesterday. Then from there to LA. That's a total 21 hours and 32 mins on average of flying time, not to mention waiting in Perth International and Changi. So total time between leaving home and reaching hotel in LA will probs be about 27 hours. dang. Doesn't bother me, I love airports and flying.

Anyways, I have a tap exam tomorrow that I need to practise for. Will type more story on the weekend.

You have no idea how excited I am for the weekend now. Haha.

You have no idea how excited I am for the weekend now. Haha.

Click to expand...

Totally lol'd at that!