A very old thing I wrote about wolves...

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mew0099

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Yeah... I wrote this quite a while ago. It's based off of that series "Warriors" which I stopped reading a while ago.

Here we go. Note that this is copied and pasted. I might post some pictures of the characters on my album. I'll alert you if I do.

MIDNIGHT

Book 1- The Night Culprit

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Wolf Dictionary

Moonlight- nighttime

Shadowmeeting- a meeting for every team to meet and discuss matters at dusk deep within a forest, but challenging and/or fighting is strongly restricted

Den- strongly built stick dome, covered with weeds as shelter (from rain, hail, snow, etc.) and soft grass on the inside

Pack- a pack of 5 wolves or more

Pup- baby wolf

Healer- 1 wolf (or more) that takes care of herbs, berries, leaves, and healing ointments/liquids

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Camps

Moon’s Camp-

Almost all members here have moon shaped hair. These wolves are almost always black or grey, and often extremely good and skilled at fighting.

Sun’s Camp-

All the base is very dirty and some places in it are very bloody. This camp has extremely good healers, despite their muddy appearance.

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Chapter 1

2 Pups

The moon shimmered in the water like a crystal. On the riverbank, two wolves patrolled, both carrying a shadow-black pup gently in the scruff of it's neck. "Well, Moonlight, any ideas yet?" moaned Sunset. "Just where will we put these pups before the others see their moon-like hair? It's like they’re part of the moon itself! Its going to be an offence to our pack! We’ll get kicked out!" "Well, for your information," Moonlight said, throwing back her hair, "I'm going to give these pups to good strong packs to protect the sweeties!" The male wolf shuddered. "Are you crazy, Moonlight?! Don't you even remember what some evil packs did to us? In battle, most of our pack was killed! What do you think would happen to the pups?!” Moonlight looked at him. “They’re pups, Sunset. They’ll probably be accepted as new recruits,” Moonlight explained. “I know it from… experience,” She trailed off while looking up, hiding a small tear. Sunset shrugged. “Okay, fine. I think a good place for them would be Moon’s Camp- the pups’ hair just looks perfect for them!” Moonlight licked the pups gently, while smiling. "I'll name them...Midnight and Xut." Midnight stared at the shimmering water going down the ravine, like someone stroking it gently. She lapped up some of the clear water. It was cool and refreshing. It made her think, (What dangers will I experience in life?)

Chapter 2

Midnight’s Home

Midnight and Moonlight came to the entrance of Moon’s Camp. It was huge, and since it was raining, it seemed even more scarier. Everything was silent, except for the rain patting the ground softly. Moonlight nuzzled Midnight, and a large tear dropped from her face. Midnight was pushed forward. Instantly, a loud voice boomed. "Raah! Who goes there?" Midnight slinked back in fear. Just then, loud thunder rumbled. A dark shadow came out, and Midnight noticed it was a rather large male wolf with a huge slash right across his eye. "I'm Scar," the wolf said, loudly. "Why are you here? It's the middle of the night." Scar said, and yawned. Midnight noticed his huge, sharp fangs. "W-w-well, we came here to drop this pup off." Moonlight stammered. Scar nodded quickly. "We'll need it. It would be a good addition to our team. Reinforcements, you know," Midnight slowly walked forward, feeling braver. Scar accepted the gesture, and walked into the camp. Midnight crept in. (If these wolves are bad tempered,) Midnight thought, (I wonder what they'd be like if they were woken up...) Dens were spread across the rocky area. "Go ahead kid," Scar said. "Choose any den you want." Midnight noticed Scar wasn't that bad. Midnight peeked at an amazingly large den, then smiled at Scar. “Sorry, kid!” Scar apologized. “That’s my den- I am the leader of the clan!” Scar bragged. Midnight shrugged. (Oh well,) She thought. (Can’t have everything you want!)

So, she went over to a den which looked good and soft. She walked over to it, went in, and made it hers.

Chapter 3

Xut’s Courage

Xut saw the sun rising over the rusty red sky, and hoped his sister was OK. As he got closer to the entrance, he sniffed a strange scent. It smelled of fresh prey. As he got closer, the scent got stronger. He raced ahead of Sunset, and at that time, Sunset couldn't even catch up. So he gave up. Xut looked back and saw Sunset clambering over a large boulder. (It'll be fine,) He thought as he walked. (I’m strong, and I’ll make it on my own. Plus, fresh food! I can’t miss a chance like this!) He put up his head and smiled proudly. Then, a red, half-dead looking wolf clambered over a rock ahead of Xut. “Hey, boss,” the wolf wheezed. “Dere’s a lil’ pup comin’ to our camp.” A deep voice replied. “Very good, Wheeze.” “Boss, do I get some foods? I’m so starvings.” The wolf’s eyes largened. Then he fell to the ground with a gasp. The ‘boss’ or so he was called by that strange wolf, smiled at Xut. “Come here, child. You can be the first pup to join our... err… wonderful pack. Enjoy, kid.” Xut gulped. The terrain of this place was like the Grim Reaper’s home itself. No grass, scorched trees, and even broken glass. It was scary, but Xut eventually got used to it and knew how to sidestep so well he could easily avoid the tiny bits of glass. Xut knew this was the perfect place for him, since he could be as evil as he wanted.

Chapter 4

Mysterious Fire

A few days later, Midnight had really gotten used to the camp. She had met everyone, and she had made quite a few friends about her age in the pack. The moon slowly rose over the grass. A slow, low-pitched howl rang in Midnight’s ears. Midnight drowsily raised her head.

She ran outside, and easily noticed in the middle of the area there was a blazing tree. Something- or more likely someone- set the tree on fire. Wolves all over were panicking for a good reason, since the tree was relatively close to the dens. "We're all going to die!" A wolf screeched. Other wolves agreed, and tried to help one another. Midnight caught sight of one of her friends too petrified to move out of the den, so Midnight went into action, and swiped him from the den. His name was Swiftly, a young pup that looked like a huge dark rabbit, since he had long skinny legs and tattered fur. He ran out, and walked over to Scar, pressing against his long, warm fur. Midnight gasped in terror while the fire got bigger. She looked up, at the moon. It was glittering faintly, and all its craters made it look like it was staring at her. Scar frowned. “We should go get the others. They may be scared to death or even unconscious. Midnight, Swiftly, I’m afraid we may have to move the pack. If we want to survive, we’ll have to start moving.”

That's it... so how'd you like it? Please rate it, and say anything that could benefit. I appreciate the comments in advance.

 
Basically Warriors but with wolves. Get some originality. Basing off something =/= taking the plot and changing characters.

Another thing; you need a new paragraph when a new person is talking. Like this, for instance;

The moon shimmered in the water like a crystal. On the riverbank, two wolves patrolled, both carrying a shadow-black pup gently in the scruff of it's neck.

"Well, Moonlight, any ideas yet?" moaned Sunset.

"Just where will we put these pups before the others see their moon-like hair? It's like they’re part of the moon itself! Its going to be an offence to our pack! We’ll get kicked out!"

"Well, for your information," Moonlight said, throwing back her hair, "I'm going to give these pups to good strong packs to protect the sweeties!"

The male wolf shuddered. "Are you crazy, Moonlight?! Don't you even remember what some evil packs did to us? In battle, most of our pack was killed! What do you think would happen to the pups?!”

Moonlight looked at him. “They’re pups, Sunset. They’ll probably be accepted as new recruits,” Moonlight explained. “I know it from… experience,” She trailed off while looking up, hiding a small tear. Sunset shrugged. “Okay, fine. I think a good place for them would be Moon’s Camp- the pups’ hair just looks perfect for them!”

Moonlight licked the pups gently, while smiling. "I'll name them...Midnight and Xut."

Second, short chapters, need to pan it out, yeah, not going to give the usual long rant, I don't feel like tearing you a new one on that...

But, third, I like how you know when to use a comma before a word tag. Nothing wrong with your grammar, which is good. And you spell right, as well. Your spelling and puncuation needs no improvment.

 
...THANK YOU! You are a total writing MASTER.

And sometime soon I'll probably writing something other than a copy of something already published. Like this.

 
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