The One Who Snores The Loudest

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Lexi~Gotchi

Lexi~Gotchi

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The One Who Snores The Loudest

We have this dog that is a snorer,

When we found out we glared in horror,

"Could that be him?"

"Is dad asleep?"

Why?

Because most of our dogs don't make a peep,

At night we lay awake,

And instead of sleeping nicely in Grey,

In Yellow we laugh the night away,

​



Edit: I know, I suck at writing, but we have this poem theme going on in English and I just kind of wanted to write a poem, also, this is supposed to be short and just kind of amusing.

Nothing special.

 
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Oddly the rhyming seems rushed and forced. This is a problem with aspiring poets, it takes a while to work on rhyming.

My suggestion is to not rhyme at all. Poems may rhyme alot, but if you're going to try and practise to rhyme, I suggest submit non-rhyming poems to your teacher, and in your own time, work on rhyming. "Snorer" isn't a word, is it? And you can't really 'glare in horror'. When you glare, you're usually angry, or trying to obscure the sun from your eyes.

"When we got a dog, we found out he would snore" would flow much better. And the next line doesn't have to rhyme. But, if you want this to rhyme, make the third line a rhyme to the first. It would go;

First line

Second line

Third line, rhymes with first line

Fourth line, rhymes with second line.

Also, the last two lines make no sense. Are you trying to seem artistic and creative? I suggest if you want to interprent colours representing something, make the poem much longer so you can show this. What's "Yellow"? What's "Grey"? Tell is these things, make your poem much longer. Or, if you were restricted to this many lines, don't add them in at all. It just doesn't flow nicely.

Other than that, a quirky poem you have here.

 
Goggle-Face said:
Oddly the rhyming seems rushed and forced. This is a problem with aspiring poets, it takes a while to work on rhyming.

My suggestion is to not rhyme at all. Poems may rhyme alot, but if you're going to try and practise to rhyme, I suggest submit non-rhyming poems to your teacher, and in your own time, work on rhyming. "Snorer" isn't a word, is it? And you can't really 'glare in horror'. When you glare, you're usually angry, or trying to obscure the sun from your eyes.

"When we got a dog, we found out he would snore" would flow much better. And the next line doesn't have to rhyme. But, if you want this to rhyme, make the third line a rhyme to the first. It would go;

First line

Second line

Third line, rhymes with first line

Fourth line, rhymes with second line.

Also, the last two lines make no sense. Are you trying to seem artistic and creative? I suggest if you want to interprent colours representing something, make the poem much longer so you can show this. What's "Yellow"? What's "Grey"? Tell is these things, make your poem much longer. Or, if you were restricted to this many lines, don't add them in at all. It just doesn't flow nicely.

Other than that, a quirky poem you have here.
Click to expand...
Thank you!

No, Snorer is not a word.

Heh.

 
I liked it~ It's a nice little poem :)

 
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