Okay so I am going to answer my own question since I've figured it out

and just in case someone else is having the same problems.
I am running Windows Vista, btw. For the ir device, I just installed it with windows generic driver instead of using the cd it came with. Seemed simpler.
First off, I had to mess with the configuration of the ir device itself. I went into the device manager, under advanced options. I changed the "transceiver". There were three options, so I just tried them all. The second thing I messed with was the "speed enable". The default setting was the highest option; I brought it down one notch.
At this point, the device was detecting my ID L, albeit not well, or consistently. I activated the receive button on my ID L several times, until a notification popped up on my computer. When you double click on the notification, a window pops up allowing you to browse your files and pick which one to send. By this time, the tamagotchi has given up on connecting, and the notification is gone, but you can still mess around in the sending window. When I had selected the file to send, I again activated the receive option on my tama(fourth option in the connection menu). Took a few times again. Finally, a notification pops up that there is a computer within range. HIT SEND FAST!!! If you wait just a second too long, the tama gives up again, and you have to make your computer recognize it all over again. It takes ALOT OF TRIES sometimes.
A few notes on troubleshooting; sometimes if the computer was just not recognizing the tama for a long time, I would hit the second option on the tama's connect menu that says ID. For some reason the computer had an easier time recognizing that signal. And although you can't send anything that way, it seems to kick-start the computer into recognizing you the next try.
UGH. So yes, my advice to anyone considering purchasing an irda device- don't. Mine was cheap ($7) but it took me three days of fiddling around to get anything to work AT ALL, and even then, it takes maybe 15 tries to get anything transferred. Just get a cheap phone on ebay and save yourself the trouble.
I am SUUUPER excited though to have these downloads. They are all fabulous, and I love the new games. It adds so much content to an already great tamagotchi, and it is by far my favorite version thus far.
If anyone else trying the irda has a specific question, feel free to pm me!