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Help with Writing


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mimitchi ^o^

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Posted 06 October 2011 - 07:39 PM ( #1 )

I love to read stories, and it makes me want to write my own, but I cant do it. I feel like its really bad and noone would like it, so I was wondering if anyone could help me with writing.

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06 Oct 2011

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15 Oct 2011

mimitchi ^o^

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Posted 06 October 2011 - 08:10 PM ( #2 )

Well heres an example:

"Lets do this" were the only three words James wanted to hear from Sarah that dark, chilly night. As the wind blew through his long brown hair, James took out his oujia board and began his first question. "Is my family really go-" he started, but before he could finish Sarah butted in. "Wait! What if some freaky thing happens and we become hypnotized like it said in that one story?". "Do you really believe that stuff? This is just your brain making you move the pointer around, Duh". "Well, fine.". Once more James began "Is my family really gone?". Y...E....S..... it spelled. "Where did they go?! Please tell me!". I... KILLED.... THEM.... Then, as if on que, an icy breeze slapped against their cheeks as the glow of the moon peaked through the clouds.

A tall man with no eyes and half his face peeled off hovered before them. Sarah screamed and ran as if she was trying to win a race, and then James followed. They didnt stop untill they reached Stop And Shop at the end of the neighborhood. They fell to the ground and caught their breath, Sarah wishing she never got dragged into this in the first place. James always was the leader, ever since they were kids.

Sarah and James were friends since the third grade. Sarah was a shy, sweet girl with black curly hair. Her eyes were the color of clover, and her breath has always smelled of a strong peppermint. James was always the popular one. Captain of many school clubs such as sports, art, and reading. He always made A's and never missed a day of school. He was known as "Kid Wonder". They just happened to bump into eachother one day, got interested in eachother and became freinds since, But alot has changed though since elementary school. Now they were in junior high, and James is not as he used to be.

"This is probably the worst day of my life. You owe me for this". "Yeah whatever, just go inside incase the ghost-whatever-he-is comes looking for us. It felt like an hour before they thought the coast was clear. "I wonder who's ghost it was.." Sarah said, standing up from one of the chairs. "Whatever IT was, that thing must have gone through some big accident to have his face torn off". "A face torn off, you say?" The manager bellowed as he walked around from the other aisle. "I think I know who your talking about".


Yeah. Sorry if my grammer/ puncuation is bad. im just in the sixth grade..

SugaryGoesRAWR

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Posted 06 October 2011 - 10:54 PM ( #3 )

Okay, I have made some edits to yours, and hopefully you will see the differences :)

"Let's do this" were the only three words James wanted to hear from Sarah that dark, chilly night. As the wind blew through his long brown hair, James took out his oujia board and began his first question. "Is my family really go-" he started, but before he could finish Sarah butted in. "Wait! What if some freaky thing happens and we become hypnotized like it said in that one story?" she babbled, eyes wide. "Do you really believe that stuff? This is just your brain making you move the pointer around, Duh"he replied with a roll of his eyes. "Well, fine." the other grumbled. Once more James began "Is my family really gone?". The pointer moved around, spelling "YES". James felt butterflies racing in his stomach. "Where did they go?! Please tell me!" he begged, chewing his lip. 'I KILLED THEM". James' heart leaped into his throat. Then, as if on queue, an icy breeze slapped against their cheeks as the glow of the moon peaked through the clouds.

A tall man with no eyes and half his face peeled off hovered before them. Sarah screamed and ran as if she was trying to win a race, and then James followed. They didn't stop until they reached Stop And Shop at the end of the neighborhood. They fell to the ground and caught their breath, Sarah wishing she never got dragged into this in the first place. 'This was such a stupid idea' her brain whined. James always was the leader, ever since they were kids.

Sarah and James were friends since the third grade. Sarah was a shy, sweet girl with black curly hair. Her eyes were the color of clover, and her breath has always smelled of a strong peppermint. James was always the popular one. Captain of many school clubs such as sports, art, and reading. He always made A's and never missed a day of school. He was known as "Kid Wonder". They just happened to bump into each other one day, got interested in each other and became friends since, But a lot has changed though since elementary school. Now they were in junior high, and James is not as he used to be, and it upset her.

"This is probably the worst day of my life. You owe me for this" Sarah squeaked, frowning. "Yeah whatever, just go inside in case the ghost-whatever-he-is comes looking for us" James replied, sighing in irritation. It felt like an hour before they thought the coast was clear. "I wonder who's ghost it was.." Sarah said, standing up from one of the chairs. "Whatever IT was, that thing must have gone through some big accident to have his face torn off" James chuckled. "A face torn off, you say?" The manager bellowed as he walked around from the other aisle. "I think I know who you're talking about". James and Sarah glanced at each other, wondering if they should talk to him or not.

Hmm, I'll forgive you with spelling :3

Whenever someone speaks, be sure to put word tags after.
For example, if they're angry it could be like this;
"How dare you accuse me of stealing!" the older woman snarled, pointing a finger at the store keeper. "You don't even have proof!"
Embarrassed:
Anne felt herself flushing, as she stared at her feet. "N-no, I was just wondering if you'd like to picnic with me sometime" she stuttered, avoiding all eye-contact
Happiness/Excitement:
Lola squealed, wrapping her other friend in a tight hug. "I can't believe it!" she chirped, eyes sparkling. "We're going to the concert! We're going to the concert!"

Also, when explaining what the ouija board says, you don't need to go 'Y...E...S"
;)

Jadeie

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Posted 15 October 2011 - 12:39 AM ( #4 )

GoggleFace has written a really good guide and It's pinned on this board, have you looked at that yet?

SugaryGoesRAWR

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Posted 15 October 2011 - 03:51 AM ( #5 )

GoggleFace has written a really good guide and It's pinned on this board, have you looked at that yet?

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