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Leo the Desert Cat


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The Watching

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Posted 17 February 2012 - 12:54 PM ( #1 )

Far away, in the land of Imagination, was a large, vast desert. And there was a small kitten, Leo, and his best friend, Rose. Leo had fur as bright as the sun, and dark, chocolate colored spots. His right eyelid was brown, and his left front paw was also brown. He was a strange kitten.
Rose was also a bit strange. She had dusty-colored fur. There was nothing very special about the way she looked. However, she always wore a vibrant pink flower -- the Flower of Life -- behind her ear. It never wilted, and kept the land of Imagination alive.
Rose would always admire Leo's beautiful fur, and large brown eyes, and Leo would always stare at Rose's pink flower and baby blue eyes. They were always together, and when they were apart, they felt as if death were soon to come. Often they would be thirsty, and if Leo found nothing, Rose's flower would keep them alive till they found something to eat.
It was a strange connection, these two. They weren't similar, and they weren't different. They were strange and foreign to the vast desert.
One day, Leo and Rose decided they wished to explore the desert until they reached the very end and find the Tree of Life where Rose's flower came from. They yearned to find a rest to the boring desert.

So Rose and Leo, indeed, they wandered away from their home and didn't even turn back. Not even once.
No one knew where they ended up. Some say the two grew old and their imagination was not enough for the land of Imagination to give them their wish. They died together, despite how hard the Flower of Life tried to keep them awake.
Some saw that they froze to death, as their imagination wandered too far. Instead of reaching the cool forest, they ended up in thee freezing tundra and the Flower of Life wilted from the cold, despite its immortality. Some even say their frozen bodies are still there.
But none of these myths are true.

Leo and Rose had written their diary and adventures in a book they had found and they had buried it deep beneath the surface. There, they had died together. No one knows where this diary is hidden. It is probably decomposing with their bodies. But if your imagination is good enough, perhaps you might find out. When you go to sleep, think about Leo and Rose. Try to remember where they hid the diary. Why say remember? Your imagination can roam endlessly. So why not give it a shot? Imagination is what ended Leo and Rose, or maybe imagination is what started them. We do not know.

P.S. Think of this as the 'Imagination' series. I am making a minecraft map and i will allow it for download once it is finished.

Edited by The Watching, 17 February 2012 - 07:17 PM.


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17 Feb 2012

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26 Feb 2012

.:SnazzyPizazz:.

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Posted 26 February 2012 - 03:24 AM ( #2 )

This is good! You've got some interesting concepts that make reading the entire story easy, and that is very good! However there are two issues I see that I think you should work on :)
First, you tend to write but do not elaborate. You mention many times that both characters are strange but never say why. Go into detail. What makes them so strange? Is it the way they behave? The way they look or smell? What made them this way?
You only briefly mention their time in the desert. Again more details are needed here. How did the pair feel walking through the desert? Describe the sweltering heat or the dryness of their throats as they walked. Details like this add depth and character to your story. They make your writing more interesting and pleasing to read.
Because your story is so absent of details it went by a little too fast for me. There really was no climax. The cats were in the desert then poof they're gone just like that.
Your concepts are good and your storyline is very interesting! Add (a lot) more details and this will be awesome! I'm looking forward to reading more!
-Snazzy