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My love, forever.


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Nazotchi25

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Posted 20 February 2012 - 05:17 PM ( #1 )

Two people with similar life problems, similar intrest, similar TV series that were liked. with the only major diffrence in those two people being Gender, and past

she being the one who moved around alot, parents split, then living with mother and step-mother, but for mutiple reasons being depressed, not from parents. He being a boy whom lived with his parents all his life, lost many close family members, and not having a soul purpose but to love and be loved.

the girl and boy, whom both lived difficulties, share similar intrest, would be joined by the love of being each one's soulmate, the highest form of love to exist

marriage would be the option if age wasn't a problem, thus waiting for the years to pass, is the only option, accompinied by the strong love, and emotional bond between the two.

im in a deep emotional time right now, because i told her that she is literally the reason that im alive today, her love gives me hope

we both cried earlier, with tears of happiness


he was always a very emotional boy, she knew this. its been admired from November of 2010, she was always an insecure girl, he knew this, but admired her since Februrary 2011.

secert love between the two

fear of rejection, the only cause of cowardness to even dare ask the other.

from the date of July 25th 2011, an e-mail was received from the girl, it was summer vacation, the boy opened it, reading "M****** i have something to ask you"

(note: i censored the names)

he replied: "sure ask me anything, M******."

a week went by before another reply appeared.

he opened it and read: "well, M******, i...i sorta like you."

instant reply

"im gald you said that, its been awhile but i loved you for quite sometime."

the two were now happier then they could ever be. the first relationship, for him, and for her.
the girl has loved others before, but never went out or even asked them.
for the boy, this was his first love, now also his first girlfriend.


months went by, which came up to the first kiss.
it was a nice evening, they came back from bowling with a couple of friends, those two friends were in a relationship together as well, so this was sort of a double date.
after returning to the girl's house awaiting for his parents to pick him up.
they both sat and hugged and talked for a bit.
the cute couple starred into each of the other's eyes, went in for a quick kiss, which sparked the love to a stronger bond.

with the more months went through the love increased, longer kisses and such. the bond was so high that neither of them could. withstand one day without the other, which caused some long sleepless night crying alone, wishing the other was there. this also caused the next day to be happier then ever, cause it seemed like forever since that sleepless night, so seeing the other was like receiving $100,000,000 if not better.

as more months go by, trust built between the two, each respecting the other's boundries. with a trust at 100% in each, the two decided to never leave the other.


With the saying the two made, they always repeat to each other:

i love you, Forever and Always <3

Replies

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Started

20 Feb 2012

Last Post

02 Jul 2012

Nazotchi25

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Posted 22 February 2012 - 05:12 PM ( #2 )

feel free to post comments on about if you like


NOTE: im very bad with grammar and such

haleyhashats

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Posted 23 February 2012 - 02:37 PM ( #3 )

What a cute little story / poem. (:
A little love story that I think everyone wishes they could have.
Lucky, lucky you! Haha (:

.:SnazzyPizazz:.

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Posted 26 February 2012 - 03:02 AM ( #4 )

I liked your story and I feel it has lots of potential. If you really worked out some kinks this could be a real work of art.
This is perhaps your biggest issue. Your grammar and sentence structure need work. You tend to use a lot of run on sentences and words that do not exist. For example, cowardness (as far as I know) is not a word. If it is in fact a word, I wouldn't reccomend using it again. It just doesn't sound good to me. Cowardice would be a better word choice in my opinion.
On a smaller note, which is a pet peve of mine, your punctuation is . . . lacking. I'm sure you're aware of this already. I mean this is not a publishing site or a graded homework assignment but it is always good to practice properly. My old coach always used to say "How you practice is how you perform". Proper grammar, sentence structure, and even punctuation use make your writing presentable and professional in appearance. People will take your pieces more seriously if you present yourself professionally.
Your story line was very nice. It was interesting and had me curious as to what came next. That is always your main goal in writing; to captivate your audience and leave them wanting more. However large and frequent grammar errors tend to hinder that effect. So that's something you have to work on :)
-Snazzy<3

Edited by .:SnazzyPizazz:., 26 February 2012 - 03:38 AM.


Nazotchi25

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Posted 05 March 2012 - 04:47 AM ( #5 )

I liked your story and I feel it has lots of potential. If you really worked out some kinks this could be a real work of art.
This is perhaps your biggest issue. Your grammar and sentence structure need work. You tend to use a lot of run on sentences and words that do not exist. For example, cowardness (as far as I know) is not a word. If it is in fact a word, I wouldn't reccomend using it again. It just doesn't sound good to me. Cowardice would be a better word choice in my opinion.
On a smaller note, which is a pet peve of mine, your punctuation is . . . lacking. I'm sure you're aware of this already. I mean this is not a publishing site or a graded homework assignment but it is always good to practice properly. My old coach always used to say "How you practice is how you perform". Proper grammar, sentence structure, and even punctuation use make your writing presentable and professional in appearance. People will take your pieces more seriously if you present yourself professionally.
Your story line was very nice. It was interesting and had me curious as to what came next. That is always your main goal in writing; to captivate your audience and leave them wanting more. However large and frequent grammar errors tend to hinder that effect. So that's something you have to work on :)
-Snazzy<3




yeah i know, my English teachers tell me the same :P
and thank you for the tips :D

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Posted 08 June 2012 - 08:50 AM ( #6 )

*Instead of cowardness,cowardess! ^_^

dazzilitchigirl

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Posted 01 July 2012 - 12:08 PM ( #7 )

I was never too keen on love stories, but this one is good for my least favourite writing genre. I don't understand much of it because as you say the punctuation isn't the best, but it's the right level of romance. It doesn't go over the top but it is still emotionally moving for people who aren't as hard-hearted as me. Improvements? Better punctuation and make it flow better. It isn't really smooth and chronological and there are a lot of random phrases that aren't even put into sentences.

Eternal Mametchi Fan

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Posted 02 July 2012 - 02:18 AM ( #8 )

I think it's a nice story. The bad grammar and puncuation really doesn't matter, it's the story that counts in my opinion. :)

Nazotchi25

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Posted 02 July 2012 - 02:58 PM ( #9 )

thanks guys, i wrote that a few months ago, my writing skills are better now though