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Random poem 2


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dazzilitchigirl

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Posted 02 October 2012 - 10:45 AM ( #1 )

Okay, here's another random poem...please don't get offended if you think it's directed at you, the person it's directed at will certainly not be reading this for lots of reasons.

I'm not sure what to think or feel when I look back
Half of me knows I should turn away and forget
But the other half wants to stop my life in its tracks
And both halves, they just want to make ammends.

I know that what I did was wrong, for me and for them
They just will never ever forgive and forget and leave me alone
I know that what I did was not right, I will take the blame.

I have apologised so many times it's become worthless,
They just won't forget what happened, accept that I've moved on.
They haven't apologised one single time, not yet
Not apologised, though they too did things wrong.

They know what they did was not right, for me and for them
I just will never ever forgive and forget and leave them alone
They know that what they did was not right, they should take the blame.
  • The Ultimate Doomer likes this

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Started

02 Oct 2012

Last Post

04 Nov 2012

The Ultimate Doomer

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Posted 02 October 2012 - 11:38 PM ( #2 )

I like it. You should write lyrics for songs. Seriously. :)

GotchiGuardian

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Posted 03 October 2012 - 05:39 AM ( #3 )

I like it. You should write lyrics for songs. Seriously. :)


^^^^^^^^ this!!!! I think that:

You've found your destiny, kiddo



dazzilitchigirl

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Posted 03 October 2012 - 10:55 AM ( #4 )

I'm surprised you like this...it's one of the best things I've ever written, but being only 11 I thought that wouldn't be much good. Maybe I should show it to my parents and see what they think.

In case anyone's interested, it was sort of a lie that the person it's directed at won't be reading this, because it's directed at everyone. It is based on something that happened to me a while ago, but what it's really about is how nobody can ever truly forgive and forget. In a bad situation, you can either try to block it out or stop to solve it, as the first verse says.

Edited by dazzilitchigirl, 03 October 2012 - 11:01 AM.


GotchiGuardian

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 05:29 AM ( #5 )

Wow. There's a great message there. I really think you should go into song-writing :) Its so so cool!!

tamatown123

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 09:54 PM ( #6 )

This is really helpful and also sad. Great poem! You should teach poem lessons...

P.S: Glad your not calling them "fail stories" anymore...XD

Eternal Mametchi Fan

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Posted 06 October 2012 - 05:54 AM ( #7 )

You're directing it at me because of our random war about Ikemen Mametchi and Kiraritchi, aren't you? :(

dazzilitchigirl

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Posted 06 October 2012 - 09:22 AM ( #8 )

No, it was not! Don't think that everything I write is something to do with you, because it isn't. Nothing I write is to do with any specific person or group of people who are still on TamaTalk or at my school - all my poems are about on old friends and enemies who left TamaTalk at least a year ago.

EDIT: Please give constructive criticism for my poems...I think I've said before that I don't like sarcasm or smileys such as :rolleyes: or -_-

Edited by dazzilitchigirl, 06 October 2012 - 09:25 AM.


Eternal Mametchi Fan

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Posted 07 October 2012 - 04:00 AM ( #9 )

Okay, constructive criticism...um...the lines are too long and rambling? I prefer poems with lots of short lines...but maybe that's just me. :>

dazzilitchigirl

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Posted 20 October 2012 - 07:05 AM ( #10 )

If you like poems with short lines, this is a copy of exactly the same poem but I split each line in two:

I'm not sure what to think
Or feel when I look back
Half of me knows I should
Turn away and forget

But the other half wants to
Stop my life in its tracks
And both halves,
They just want to make ammends.

I know that what I did was wrong,
For me and for them
They just will never ever

Forgive and forget and leave me alone

I know that
What I did was not right,
I will take the blame.

I have apologised so many times
It's become worthless,
They just won't forget what happened,
Accept that I've moved on.

They haven't apologised
One single time, not yet
Not apologised,
Though they too did things wrong.

They know what they did was not right,
For me and for them
I just will never ever

Forgive and forget and leave them alone

They know that
What they did was not right,
They should take the blame.

I put the chorus in italic in case you have trouble distinguishing it from the rest...do you prefer it like that, EMF?

Eternal Mametchi Fan

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 07:51 AM ( #11 )

No, that sounds off. :/ Only certain types of poems can be written with short lines, and that one certainly can't. xD Furthermore, all the lines are different lengths. Sorry, I'm just fussy when it comes to poems. :P

dazzilitchigirl

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Posted 04 November 2012 - 07:29 AM ( #12 )

I've thought of a title for this. It's called Forgive And Forget.