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the kitten

why not

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tamagirl1017

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 01:40 AM ( #1 )

here is a poem written my me!

once there was a kitten that had no furr
it would always sit outside and go ''burr''
then a man came up too her
and said '' you look like a kitten that needs some furr"
the kitten said yes with another burr
and then the man gave the kitten some furr
then the kitten jumped on is lap with a purr
and said thank you thank you for the furr! 
they were very happy, both him and her. 
the end!
i know it sucked...but i got bored while cleaning and came up with it. ya it sucksXD lolz


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Started

15 Feb 2013

Last Post

09 May 2013

Stefan Bauwens

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 06:50 AM ( #2 )

It's kinda fun, but I, who knows nothing of poems, find that it's to many times "ur" sound(each line). It's probably a certain style, but when there so many lines it kinda feels repetive to me.

Maybe there should be like be between, each 2 lines another line that doesn't rhyme?

But it's pretty good actually already. (I personally wouldn't go editting this poem, but start writing others :D)



Eternal Mametchi Fan

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 07:10 AM ( #3 )

It's about a kitten, that's good enough for me!  I love cats! :D  It doesn't suck but it isn't perfect. :)


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riririn

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 11:31 AM ( #4 )

It was a little bit repetitive, but I thought this was really cute. :) (I wish I had a kitten now D:) 



What?

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 06:49 PM ( #5 )

I liked it, but I would recommend making a couplet, every two lines rhyming, instead of what you did where every line rhymes.



tamagirl1017

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Posted 18 February 2013 - 11:11 PM ( #6 )

ty ppl soo much for you comments! yes i am very sorry about anything wrong with it, its my first on. ty you again. i have ten cats my self!


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tama<3IDL

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Posted 03 March 2013 - 01:09 AM ( #7 )

ty ppl soo much for you comments! yes i am very sorry about anything wrong with it, its my first on. ty you again. i have ten cats my self!

i have 7! they are called, madam, mo, shanti, irene, meela, left and right (we havent thought of names for the last 2 yet) :)



TAMAmaybeth

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Posted 03 March 2013 - 04:58 AM ( #8 )

I had a cats family too... Can I say our story?

 Well... I'll try and hope you won't dislike it...

 

Long long time ago... I was with my family in my contage! I was playing around the trees while my mom was watering the plants... All of a sudden, I heard kitten's meowing...[is this word right?] I love cats [and dogs...] so I runned there and found out there were three really cute newborn kittens!!! I made my parents accept that we couldn't let them alone in the cold and rain... and- and- alone... [ I did also the doggy face and I think it helped me to faith them] so, we put them in a box and get back home. My father kept them as I couldn't[I was too young and the house didn't had a graden... it was a flat] After some months I was glad to know that they were two males[black] and one famele[grey] they were adorable and I played with them a lot. Soon, the female [let's call her janet{ i haven't gave them names so you may be confused}] liked me and she always run to me to pet her! The males? well... they run away from me and I think they disliked humans in general. So after some time My dad announced me that  Janet had five kittens. He didn't knew which was the father but unfortunately the very next day there was no need of it...

Blood was all round the yard and the five kittens all killed... The one black male was gone and the other two were behaving too strange... I felt so sad that I cried for days. Until later on some months I learnt that Janet was pregnate again. This time she had five beautiful kitties that you couldn't resist not to look! I was happier than ever and I soon loved one really special  of them... a boy called blacky! He had black and white stamps all over his fur and he was the smartest kitten I've ever seen! But luck wasn't with my side... My dad donated all of them except the one I hated most... He was confused and thought it was the one I liked. So, this was a female.. a white cat with grey stamps... so stupid and wild... When she grew up and no more needed her mother's [janet's] milk My dad took Janet to a vet and he removed with a surgery her... her...

 He made a neutering  to her... 

Something must have gone wrong... cause after that, she went nuts. She was wild and left the home... she was rarely coming and it seemed she was interested in other cats now... at least she couldn't have more babies... When the vet  did the same to the black cat he was fine. He was getting fatter and fatter and the only thing he wanted was to pet him. He was so cute! the other female, [let's call her kacie] went nuts too! She was leaving home and one day she came back with five kittens. She was really crazy and she wasn't taking a proper care of her babies. One of them lost an eye and one other got killed. After a long time, my dad decided it was time for her to leave and the family to get smaller. He said me that he had taken the three kittens away on a local forest area and their mother with one kitten in an other area. Meanwhile the kittens had grown up they could take care of them self! He said that it would be beter like that as their mother could't afford to care for all of them... And so now, I only have Poufi! My cute and adorable mr. cat who is by the way in the same size with Garfield and the only thing he wants is to sit and sleep and eat!

 

he he he... hope you liked our story... hope it wasn't so boring or huge...

Please forgive me if you see any terrible grammar mistakes or strange words...

So, I love your poem tamagirl1017 :D  :D  :D  :D  :D  :D 


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~SailorMoon~

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 08:29 PM ( #9 )

omg that was so funny! i laughed. it was repetitive, but i still liked it :lol:


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tamagirl1017

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 11:11 PM ( #10 )

TAMAmaybeth i think your story was very very cute ans sad and funny at the same time. lol i have a cat named blacki and she is a female. it is a long story so i am not going to put it in this comment but make another topic for it. your story was not boring btw. and ty guyz very much for the comments again!  :)  ^_^  ;)  B)  :wub:



tamagotchialice

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Posted 09 May 2013 - 06:32 PM ( #11 )

Love it! :D