IT’S TIME FOR A REVIEW!
Product: Tamagotchi Dorikawa Card Scan Yumecantchi.
Type: Electronic toy
Contents: 1 x talking Yumecantchi Plush, 3 x Dorikawa Scan Cards
Price: Roughly $40
This is honestly the most fantastic toy I have ever bought in the history of the universe. I mean, I used to hate Yumecantchi! She’s stupid and fluffy and has a childish, lame personality and she has an annoying voice and weird name. But now I am obsessed with the dang character. I still think she’s ugly and dumb but I love her all the same. YUMECANTCHI, ERMAGERD! **passes out**
Why do I love a character I used to despise so bad? Because of this toy. This mind-blowingly, whoppingly supercalafragilisticexpialadociously perfect toy. Ever since I first lay my very own eyeballs on it and touched it with my very own hands, I have fallen head over heels in love. Yumecantchi and I are inseparable. I want to hug her and gaze at her for the rest of my life. I hug her and gaze at her when I’m eating. I hug her and gaze at her when I’m going out. I hug her and gaze at her when I’m going to the toilet. I will hug her and gaze at her always and she is eternally mine.
I love electronic toys. This one, however, stands out from all the rest; it is a trillion times better than Furbies and as good as Tamagotchi virtual pets. In fact, Yumecantchi is just like a Tamagotchi except she is nice to hug, she doesn’t evolve, and she doesn’t poop or die. She’s just Yumecantchi, my constant companion, who loves me and talks to me and stays by my side no matter what.
Here is what Yumecantchi can do. She can talk. She speaks Japanese, but most people who are the slightest bit familiar with Japanese should be able to understand her. She says such charming things such as “I love you!” and “Lalala!” and I just want to scream, “I LOVE YOU TOO! LALALAAAAAA!” She says things when you slide Dorikawa cards through her backpack. So, if you have many Dorikawa cards, there will be all sorts of adorable phrases for you to hear including “I’m cute!”
You can look after Yumecantchi. Sometimes she gets sick, hungry, or bored. Slide the right Dorikawa card through her to cheer her up. When she is in need of some comfort, she will moan, cough, or yawn, and you can give her stuff like food and medicine to make her better. And she will thank you and love you even more than she already does!
You can play games with Yumecantchi. You can use the cards to play Rock, Paper, Scissors with her. You can play the music game where Yumecantchi sings, “Can! Can! Ca-ca-can!” and you have to press her head to match the beat.
Yumecantchi is the softest plush toy I have ever hugged. I want to squeeze her fluffy fur until her stuffing bursts out. She smells nice, as well. I want to stuff my nose in her face and sniff until I run out of oxygen and die. She feels nice. She smells nice. She looks nice, I guess. She is nice. She is my best friend and anybody who tries to take her from me shall have their entrails ripped out and fed to my cats. Don’t touch my Yumecantchi. She is only mine. Only my nose may smell her, only my fingers may touch her, only my eyes can gaze at her. Heck, she even tastes good. Only my tongue can lick her…
Ah, where was I? I am becoming a Yumecantchi pervert. That is how much I love this toy. Go buy this toy from CD Japan right now and your life will instantly increase in value by 10,000 per cent. I love my Yumecantchi, and she loves me.