this is my story called jen ginger

*MOVED* from What's On Your Mind? to Tama Fan Fiction*

this is my ghost story! part 1:

Elizabeth Ann Stone looked out of the window of the carrage. The rain trinkling down from the grey sky was in duet with the troting of the horse.

"You are going to love it at the Ron's Miss. Stone!" said Timothy, the carrage driver. Elizabeth groaned. She wished her parents would have sent her to Rachel's house for Christmas vacation, instead of her cracky great aunt Lucy. Rachel was Elizabeth's favorite 13 year old cousin, one year older then 12 year old Ellie. Yes, Ellie. Rachel came up with this short name for Elizabeth. Although most everbuddy, acually, everybuddy frowned upon this system of shorter names and insisted on calling her, "Ms. Elizabeth Ann". Ellie thought about Rachel's house in camparison with Aunt Lucy's. Rachel's was a beige house with marble staircases and a white grand piano in the white livingroom, that they played together on. Ellie smiled thinking about the fun they had together. but that smile setted when she thought of Great Aunt Lucy's old mantion. Every time Ellie went there she would be lost in the cobwebed rooms. One Particular time she got so lost she began to scream, but no buddy could hear her in a house so large. And she was forced to climb out the window to get outside.

that was part 1. there are 5 other pages. there are some spelling erros so be warned! what do you think?

That was really good! I think if all the parts you have got to that story are as good, you are well on the way to becoming a writer! Please put the rest of your story on here for all us lot to read, and I look will forward to hearing from you!!

You GO GIRL!!!!

Giraffagotchi

I like your style of writeing!

It's a bit fast paced and a tad bit confusing. No harm is done. We all love to write. :3

Some helpful tips.

Try to make the chapters a bit longer.

I dunno what a "Mantion" is. but do you mean Mansion? As in the bigger houses for rich people?

It's not a bad story. Just slow down a bit and use a new Paragraph when someone speaks. GOod luck in your next chapters!

It's a bit fast paced and a tad bit confusing. No harm is done. We all love to write. :3
Some helpful tips.

Try to make the chapters a bit longer.

I dunno what a "Mantion" is. but do you mean Mansion? As in the bigger houses for rich people?

It's not a bad story. Just slow down a bit and use a new Paragraph when someone speaks. GOod luck in your next chapters!

Click to expand...

well that is not chapter one it is part one of chapter one. yeah that would be short for a chapter! thanks everyone! here is part 2:

This thought sent a shiver down Ellie's spine. She sighed.

"Whats the matter Miss. Stone?" Asked timothy.

"I don't want to go to Lucy's house! I want to go to my cousin Rachels!" Ellie exclamed.

"Why Miss. Ron is your great aunt! You'll have a good time. The carrage began to slow down. "and i am Sure Jen Ginger's gone."

"Who?" Ellie sat up.

Timothy gulped. "Oh no one Miss. Stone. I mean nothing." Ellie sat back. But the name Jen Ginger stayed with her.

The carrage pulled up to the house. Ellie thanked Timothey, opened her umbrella and walked up to the doorway. The doorbell echoed through the entire house and in Ellies ears. A young woman opened the door.

"Hello! why you must be Miss Elizabeth Ann. We have been expecting you."

more later!