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Do you like the starting of my story?


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Poll: Do you like the starting of my story? (8 member(s) have cast votes)

Do you like the starting of my story?

  1. IT'S AWSOME! (2 votes [25.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 25.00%

  2. It rocks! (2 votes [25.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 25.00%

  3. Yep! (2 votes [25.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 25.00%

  4. No! (1 votes [12.50%])

    Percentage of vote: 12.50%

  5. No way! (0 votes [0.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 0.00%

  6. IT IS THE WORST! (0 votes [0.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 0.00%

  7. *shrugs* (1 votes [12.50%])

    Percentage of vote: 12.50%

Vote

Tamagirl_Desy

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 05:24 PM ( #1 )

Ok I'm writing a new story....guess where I got the first paragraph from? A dream I had last night. In my dreams words were being read, and I was staring into a book. I used the words from the book in my dream and I'm actually writing a story about it. ;) Whadda think? It's called, "The Horror"

Me and my fellow men raced on horseback in the direction of the lost city. The frigid air brushed my face, as I clutched on tighter to my horse. All at once, people started calling me "King" and the actual one "Mister". It had felt good to be significant to others. The grey sky and the freezing wind wasn't quite appealing as we headed into the city, but we had no choice. "Gather all the men! Round 'em up!" I squalled as I slapped the horse with my rope. The horse neighed and dashed faster. I could only hope for the best. The people around me let out battle cries, their faces hot and scarlet. I peered around me. I looked into the others’ eyes. They were bloodshot and bromidic. For a spilt second, I thought maybe this wasn’t such a seasonable idea after all.....

Replies

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311

Started

05 Dec 2006

Last Post

05 Dec 2006

dj-lynx

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 05:25 PM ( #2 )

hmm i liked the very well used adjectives so that deserves a yep

Tamagirl_Desy

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 05:34 PM ( #3 )

Here's more ;):

Me and my fellow men raced on horseback in the direction of the lost city. The frigid air brushed my face, as I clutched on tighter to my horse. All at once, people started calling me "King" and the actual one "Mister". It had felt good to be significant to others. The grey sky and the freezing wind wasn't quite appealing as we headed into the city, but we had no choice. "Gather all the men! Round 'em up!" I squalled as I slapped the horse with my rope. The horse neighed and dashed faster. I could only hope for the best. The people around me let out battle cries, their faces hot and scarlet. I peered around me. I looked into the others’ eyes. They were bloodshot and bromidic. For a spilt second, I thought maybe this wasn’t such a seasonable idea after all.....

dj-lynx

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 05:40 PM ( #4 )

thats the same ads the first paragraph in a nice way

FallenLeaves

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 06:06 PM ( #5 )

OMG POOR HORSES.

BichonFrise'Lubber

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 06:19 PM ( #6 )

OMG POOR HORSES.

OMG That is what they did back then, well around the time it sounds like this was happening, no need to get your undies in a bunch...


Quite nice! I love it!

FallenLeaves

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 06:33 PM ( #7 )

But.. What time is it?

BichonFrise'Lubber

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 06:44 PM ( #8 )

But.. What time is it?

To me it sounds like it was around midevil times, I might be wrong though.

But anyways two thumbs up to your story! (that is only cause I only have two thumbs by the way...)

Tamagirl_Desy

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 06:59 PM ( #9 )

Your right BichonFrise'Lubber! :D It's in the Medivel times. Hehee...I got the idea from a dream. xD

Oh, and FallenLeaves, it's a story. ;) No horses were hurt.

Here's more:

I held up my rifle, and shouted, “ATTACK!” There was no time to waste. For minutes I shot vigorously at the enemies, watching in horror as my men fell to the ground. They fell like dominos; one by one, one by one. The King and I were the only one’s left only after an hour had passed. I felt disgusted with the fallen and dead men. They hadn’t served me well. I took out a long, gleaming crossbow from the saddle pocket and quickly attached a crisp arrow onto it. I aimed and fired, knocking an opponent down. I had not noticed the King falling from his horse. He had been shot in the heart. Fear filled through my body. I was all alone. The enemies closed in on me.....and that was all I remembered.

RachelGotchi

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 07:02 PM ( #10 )

OMG That is what they did back then, well around the time it sounds like this was happening, no need to get your undies in a bunch...


Quite nice! I love it!

Can I idolize you for a while? xDD

Anyway, nice story start off, TGD! I love to read all of your stories! :3

Tamagirl_Desy

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 07:38 PM ( #11 )

Thanks guys! :) Here's more.

I woke up in a cell hours later. Or, at least I reckoned it was hours. It could have been days for all I knew. The cell was damp and cold. I felt shivers run down my spine. I was a prisoner. “Ciao. Benvenuto alla prigione..” said a hefty looking guard outside of my prison cell. He was talking in a language I didn’t understand. I didn’t bother pounding on the bars or pleading for forgiveness; there was no use. I slumped down in the corner and buried my face in my knees.

“Eh....they got you too?” said a sudden grylle voice. I shot my head up. Sitting on the vile bed was a young women. She had wild red hair, a few freckles, and rather dirty face. I was surprised to see a women locked up; what had she done to cause so much trouble? “Those beastly guards are always on your trail aren’t they?” she muttered. “I’m sick of ‘em. I want out. I didn’t do anything,” Her eyes were to the floor, and she was kicking her feet back and forth. Finally, she looked at me. “I-“ she stopped. Repulsion filled in her weary eyes. “You’re the one....that got me in here.” she whispered. I was utterly confused. “What do you mean, ma’m? You must be mistaking me for somebody else.” The women shook her head. “It....it was you. You’re the one who killed King of Vipers.”

yo!allyrox

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 07:44 PM ( #12 )

wow. that is actually guite good... how old are you?

Tamagirl_Desy

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 07:46 PM ( #13 )

wow. that is actually guite good... how old are you?

Thanks! :) I'm ten.

*Tgd*

yo!allyrox

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 07:48 PM ( #14 )

Thanks! :) I'm ten.

*Tgd*

im 10 2. pretty good for a 10 yearr old. have u ever comsidered bein an author?

Tamagirl_Desy

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 07:50 PM ( #15 )

im 10 2. pretty good for a 10 yearr old. have u ever comsidered bein an author?

Yes I have. :)
I'm thinking of becoming a teacher, and in my spare time write books. :D That way I'll have to jobs I love.

*Tgd*

Jamie__Rox

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 07:54 PM ( #16 )

Ooh.. very descriptive!! :) It's almost like I'm actually riding the horse (although I'm not screaming my head off) I haven't had that good experience with horses. *shivers* When I was little, a horse flung it's back leg and wacked my head.. O.o I love it when you go "Here's more" it's like your putting cushions around me.. Eeee heehee! XD :D

Tamagirl_Desy

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 07:55 PM ( #17 )

Lol thanks JR! :) I'm glad I can make you feel warm and cosy heehee...xD

More coming soon!

*Tgd*

BichonFrise'Lubber

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 07:58 PM ( #18 )

Can I idolize you for a while? xDD

Anyway, nice story start off, TGD! I love to read all of your stories! :3

Hehehehe, hey wait, what is that supposed to mean?
lol.
I love your stories TGD!
I am considering becoming an author myself.
It is my ultimate dream.
My friends say I could because I write such amazing stories.

Jamie__Rox

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Posted 05 December 2006 - 08:03 PM ( #19 )

Lol thanks JR! :D I'm glad I can make you feel warm and cosy heehee...xD

More coming soon!

*Tgd*

Yay! MORE CUSHIONS :P

I would write a story.. but I'm sure that "My story is about giraffes. Once there was a giraffe, but he didn't have friends, so he was lonely, probably." isn't too exciting for you guys :)