Please look at my

[metcalf 0]

ok i have a few poems 4 u,, (these r separate poems)

 

There once was a bleeding heart

So it was taken away in a cart

It had a bad feeling

as if its life were peeling

something had torn it apart

</3

 

There once was a very large cloud

Who was not very proud

It had taken the form of a thunderstorm

It had been much too loud

0_o

 

Often times I cry

For the love will die

He broke my heart

Tore it apart

Now love, I shy

 

 

Often times I think of stillness

Though they think it’s an illness

Everything is still

Until the finale chill

 

The times he waits

For his fate

He may think

Life will turn with a single drink

But he eternally must debate

 

You can not feel

What I have seen

You can not watch

What I have felt

Watch your self

You never know who

is behind you……..

</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3

 

 

 

 

 

i have more

Edited June 15, 2008 by metcalf

[Notes. 0]

I really do like the ending.

To me, the rest seems to sound like a nursery rhyme. The first two lines rhyme, the next two rhyme, so on.. Most poems with a nice rhythm skip a line and rhyme in the next. Otherwise, they may not rhyme at all, which is what I go for most of the time.

That's really all I've got.

[cek 0]

its great!

Edited June 15, 2008 by cek

[Ichigotchi_Piggy 0]

I like them!

[metcalf 0]

thanx guys!