^Lovely.
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings." - Unknown
"No, please don't eat me. I have a wife and kids, eat them!" - Homer Simpson
"Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality." - Clifton Fadiman
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin
"Your clothes'll look good on my bedroom floor" - Cheesy chat-up line, usually said when the person just meets some one.
"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde
"Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother." - Ken Dodd
"Lawyers are like rhinos: Thick-skinned, short-sighted but always ready to charge." - Dunno
"A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation" - Unknown
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." - Whitney Brown
"Operator! Give me the number for 911!" - Homer Simpson
"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room." - Woody Allen
"You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears." - Geri Jewell
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes." - Anonymous
"Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken." - Anonymous
"I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids." - Johathan Raban.
Wow, that's a lot of quotes XD
