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Tamatoshu2

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Watching you through your window O.O
Angel stared at her reflection in the mirror, and sighed. Thoughts raced through her mind like a pack of stallions, am I not pretty enough? What does she have that I don't besides a big chest? What's so special about her? What is it he doesn't see in me?. She slid to the floor, and breathed deeply. He never looked at her, he always looked through, over, around, or under, just so he could see that other girl. She ran a hand through her hair and thought he doesn't know what he's missing...yet. She Dressed up in her ripped mini shorts, a black scoop neck tank top, a black leather jacket, and her black pair of Converse. She pulled out a party invitation that she'd gotten, though she hadn't wanted to go just so she'd see him oggle the other girl again. She walked out of her house and walked out the door, before walking to the house where the party was being hosted, and she saw him with the other girl, through the bathroom window, locking lips. She felt like crumbling again, but instead she held her chin high and walked in through the door. Inside, she hurt, it felt like he'd shredded her heart, but she wasn't going to let it show. Instead, it was her time to shine... and she was going to blind him this time.

She strutted into the center of the "popular" girl group and said "This isn't a party till someone starts dancing, you know", and she started dancing. They joined in and He happened to be walking down the stairs when the quarterback started dancing with her, and His eyes widened. She smirked Bet you want me now, don't you?. He pushed his way through the crowd toward her...

Should I continue? Thoughts please!

 
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ooc: Aw thanks peoples! ^-^ And so it continues...

Her smirk fell a tiny bit when she noticed the other girl following him, and their hands locked. He continued to advance towards her, looking only at her. He's actually looking at me! Not around me, over me, through me, or anything! He's looking right at- "Hey D!" called out the quarterback.

"Hey man where have you been? And who's this girl you're with?" he asked, and her smile fell, along with her heart.

The quarterback... not me. He doesn't even know me! How does he not know me? We've been in the same classes together since kindergarten!, she thought, biting back a sob.

"This is Angel, she's in all of our classes remember?" sked the quarterback, Rico.

"Thanks Rico, it's nice to know someone I care about knows me" she smiled, her words coming out sharper than she'd meant for them to. The girl behind His back glowered at her, like some sort of evil blonde demon in a flawless human body. He smiled at Angel, and tilted his head.

"Right... you look different I guess. " He said, holding out his hand.

"Probably. I dressed for the occasion." Angel replied, shaking his hand. Mentally, she slapped him and cried. He took his hand away, and she tucked the slip of paper he'd slipped into her hand into her back pocket, her spirits soaring. Maybe it was a note about how much he liked her or something! "Um... I'll be right back".

She rushed outside and opened the paper, and his number was written out clearly, along with Call me soon!. Someone touched her shoulder and she screamed and turned around, only to face someone who wasn't even half as great looking as Him, but there was something about the stranger that drew her to him. "'Scuse me for scaring you miss, but you're the loveliest girl here... may I have this dance?"

 
You'd better add some more cous... you should put Tiana and Syphon in too |: D

 
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You'd better add some more cous... you should put Tiana and Syphon in too |: D
Okay, I'll have to comment on this little post.

I know you two know eachother in real life, but you shouldn't tell her who to add and who to not add. Besides, this is her story; there's a fine, fine line between cosntructive critisizm and downright telling them what to do. This comment isn't critisizm, you're basically saying "Hey, do this to the plot because I want you to."

I hope I don't come off as rude, but telling her to add characters isn't helping, it's forming the story to your own liking. You don't tell a writer what kind of characters or plot twists to add, you tell them ideas to fix those characters or plot twists.

 
I agree! I like to write and I definitely don't like people telling me how to write my books......................anyways... I think you should continue. :furawatchi: It's super great! -Shorty

 
Haha it's fine people... we were planning her story out in real, and I was reminding her about... a certain scene. I didn't mean to seem rude or anything.

 
ooc: Thanks people for stepping in to try to correct a possible annoyance -glomps Cheshire- but it's fine. But now I have to change that scene because of someones' non-stop chatter

Angel looked at the guy, who wasn't even near as beautiful as Him, but there was something about this guy that made her heart flutter lightly. She felt a warmth in her cheeks, and she realized she was blushing at his compliment. He had pale skin that seemed to give off a glow as the moon hit it, silky platinum hair, deep blue eyes that sparkled as he smiled, and she realized that maybe this guy was just as heartstopping as Him. She tucked the note in her backpocket, and she looked back up into his eyes. "I'm sorry for taking so long to reply... it's just no one has ever said anything like that to me before" Once again, she blushed "And that made me sound like a total loser, didn't it?"

"No, actually that was rather... cute. Was that a yes?" he asked. She smiled happily and nodded, glad that he didn't think she was a total moron. A slow song started, and they swayed back and forth on the porch, with the moonlight as their spotlight. She wondered momentarily if He could dance like this guy could, and wouldn't mind her squashing his toes -she felt kind of bad for Mystery boy, who was getting his toes stepped on repeatedly. They danced for another two songs, before he held her hand and said "I've got to go... until we meet again"

She watched as he walked down the unlit street, hoping that he got home safely before wandering back to the party. The moment she went through the doorway she realized something: She'd forgotten to ask for his name. She wandered over to a popular girl name Kioki (Ky- Oh- Key) who knew almost every student in the school.

"Kioki... do you know the name of a boy who has light skin, platinum hair, and blue eyes? He's about... 5'10 at least " She asked. Kioki paused and thought for a moment, tapping her ruby colored fingernail to her pale pink lips.

"Nope. Dosn't ring a bell at all, sorry hon. Maybe he goes to another school, though this party is only for IBS students only. Maybe you'll run into him tomorrow at school, because for all I know he could've just enrolled or something. Anyways, I have to go, there's a prize in my eyes" Kioki replied, eyeing a tall, tan brunette. Angel sighed and ran a hand through her hair. Great, I find a guy who actually might like me and I don't even have his name. Just. Friggin. Great. Someone tapped her shoulder, and she turned and found herself face to chest with Him. When did He get so tall?

"Hey I've been looking for you... " He smiled, using his Crest- commercial- worthy smile.

"Wish I could say the same about you" she mumbled under her breath. "What do you want?"

"I was wondering if you need a ride home. Someones busting out some alchohol and I don't want to be here if the cops come" He smiled.

"Fine" she said, and as he drove by the "Haunted Haven" she saw Mystery Boy letting himself into the house. She made a mental note to stop by and see what was going on, and she was deep in thought until He dropped her off at her house.

"Thanks for the ride" she smiled, closing the door.

"No prob... see you tomorrow" he said, before driving away. She snuck behind her parents and into her room. Who was Mystery Boy... and why was he living in the haunted house?

To be continued...

By the way, do any of you have suggestions on what His name should be? And what about Mystery boys' name? I would sure appreciate your ideas

 
I like the names Seth, Michael, Jay, Steven.......idk but that;s my two cents.... ;)hope it helps! love the story! keep the good work up! -Shorty

 
Angel rolled out of bed and continued rolling until she'd rolled down the hall and into her bathroom. There, she dragged herself to her feet and washed her face, brushed her teeth, and all else to make herself presentable. She stumbled to her room and changed into a white t-shirt, black skinny jeans and white Converse. Yawning, she then walked down the hall, down her stairs and grabbed her backpack before leaving the house. She noticed His truck in her driveway, and she pranced over there, grinning.

"Hey Seth" she said, opening his door and jumping in.

"Hello Angel" He smiled, barely waiting for her to shut the door before backing out of the driveway and speeding down the street. She yelped and held on to the headrest, watching the speedometers arrow rapidly approach 100 mph.

"Slow down!" she cried out as He almost took out a stop sign. He slowed down to 70, and she let out a sigh of relief. "Aren't you worried about crashing the car, or getting a ticket?"

"Nope... girls, always overly cautious. Yeesh" He mumbled, waiting for the stoplight to turn green. Tapping along with a rock song on his steering wheel, He glanced at her as she ran a hand through her hair and stared out the window. She seemed to be intently studying the Haunted House, but he smiled. She probably wasn't, no one did. "We're almost there"

"I know" she replied, as the stoplight turned green. He drove another two blcks before pulling into the school parking lot and parking. Angel grabbed her bag and turned to find him on the other side of the door, holding it open. She smiled and thanked him, before jumping to the ground and walking to the school door with him. "Thanks for the ride"

"No problem. " He replied, before turning to go to his locker. She went to her locker, opened it, and grabbed her stuff. Someone slammed her locker door shut, and just as she was about to give whoever it was the lecture of a lifetime, she stopped. Kioki stood, leaning against the locker and smiling her I-know-something-you-don't-know smile. Angel raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, out with it. What is it you know, and why does it concern me?" Angel asked, raising an eyebrow and leaning against her locker.

"I think I found your mystery boy. I hacked into Josh's security camera system that he had on at the party, and then into the school enrollment system." Kioki smiled, playing with a strand of her hair.

"You did?"

"Fine, one of the geeks I found peeking in on the party did. But it worked, right? Do you want the info on him or not?" Kioki asked, putting a hand on her hip.

"Sure, give me all the info you've got on him" Angel replied, rummaging through her binder.

"Okay, His name is Sylis Johannson. He transferred here from somewhere in that place... ugh I forget where it is, you know the used to be Translyvania?

Anyways, his address is unlisted, his parents are named Lillisa and Peres, and they have no record of their lives that I could find." Kioki said, with a smug smile.

"Kioki, I knew I could depend on you! You never let me down! What's his locker number?" asked Angel.

"665" Kioki replied, picking up her purse. "But the bell's about to ring"

"Oh no..." Angel moaned, before sprinting through the halls towards her homeroom, on the other side of the school. The bell rang just before she got to the door, and she groaned. But she saw Sylis in the back row and the desk by hers, and she brightened... is that a voodoo doll on his desk???

To be continued...

 
Hey, you're really good at writing, but I have some advice. Now, I'm not trying to tell you how to write your book or anything, but be careful when you "use" voodoo. It is SO VERY real! I find it as an act from the devil...which it, in fact, IS! I think it will be fine if you use voodoo in your book, as long as you "condemn" it, in a way of putting it. Like I said, I don't want to tell you how to write your book, but (as kindly as I can put this) don't expect me to read your book if you use voodoo and do not say that it is wrong and what not.

I don't mean to come out as a "goody freak" or anything, but I don't take voodoo lightly! Like I said,it is from the Devil, and the Devil is powerful! But, obviously, not more powerful than God! God can defeat ALL evil!

Anyways, I wish the best for you as you write your book! ;) -Shorty

 
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Thank you Shorty for notifying me of this issue. Don't worry, it's not actually a voodoo doll, and this story will have nothing to do with voodoo, but it will have a religion that is entirely fictional (don't worry, still not devil related). If my including a fictional religion offends you, please let me know. I'm glad you told about you're being offended by that, because it will help me in my future entries for this book and for my future books. ()_() - TT2/ Salsa

 
You're welcome...I wasn't really offended, but I was just trying to warn you about the seriousness of voodoo... lol :furawatchi: -Shorty

 
As Angel neared the table she was relieved to see that it wasn't a voodoo doll... she wasn't sure what kind of doll it was. She sat down at her desk and passed a note to him while the teacher wrote on the whiteboard.

What is that???

He wrote on it and handed it back to her. It's a Faya doll, used for good luck, and to keep harmful spirits away.

Oh cool... do u have a cell?

Yeah, the number is 867-5309*

K i'll be texting you instead

Angel pulled her cell out of her pocket and added him to her contact list, before texting him.

Angel: Hi xP

Sylis: Hey...

Sherri: Do u have anymore of those dolls? They're cute... in a weird way.

Sylis: Not yet... but you can have mine

Angel: Really? Thanx!

Sylis: No prob.

Angel: So, why'd u move here?

Sylis: Idk, pretty much b-cuz my dad needed a change in "scenery"

Angel: Oh... fun?

Sylis: Not really... here comes the teacher

Angel slid her phone under her leg, and breathed out a sigh of relief as the teacher passed them, and Sylis slid the doll in her hand.

 
My only other critisizm is that your chapters are a bit too short. This new one seems like it should be apart of the last one. I'm not saying it's bad, just that they seem too short to be called chapters.

 
Yeah, I know. I'm going to edit this and add more on pretty soon, but my brother keeps walking by the computer and being nosy. As soon as he leaves i'll add on more, but thanks for your opinion.

 
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