MY 2nd SONG

This is my second song called 'hypocritical'

It's about a girl l singing about this punk guy who she just broke up with.

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1...2...3...4...

(Chorus)

You're hypocritical

You wear nothing formal

You think I'll play all your games

You play your air guitar

while I look at the stars

You think I'm really lame

(verse 1)

You're just not

my guy

I don't know if I'll survive

You and me

weren't meant to be

(Do chorus)

(Verse 2)

I've moved on now

But I still go wow

When you come my way

I said I was

over you

But I still love you Anyway

(verse 3)

I thought you were my dream come true

and now I am feeling sad

I really am feeling blue

And I never met your dad

(Chorus)

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Yeah,It's pretty lame but I thought I'd post it.

Ha,ha.The last line of verse 3 is so random.

I Don't mind If people give me a 1/10 or anything like I used to.

Um, yeah, the last line of verse three is random

This is good but it could use a lot and a lot of work.

It doesn't really make sense either because it's first about this girl who doesn't like the guy and then in the 2nd verse the girl acts like she still likes him..

Don't like, flame me or anything, it's just advice, okay?

Thanks for the advice froggybebe.

I guess It is sort of more like she doesn't like him and they break up but then she likes him again.

And yes,It does need alot of work.I just sort of made it up on the spot.

I told you I got over it. *wink*

This could be a great song with improvement. I give it an.... 8/10.

Thanks froggybebe. This means it is better than my last one!

Oh! I forgot to mention...Please also post ideas of wht to do to improve for my next song.

I think these have definitely got potential to be a pop/rock-esque commercial song, random lines and all.

Personally, though, writing words before any chords or backing seems insanely difficult to me. I mean, it's easier to mould your words to fit the music rather than rearrange the music for your words.

Still, some people do prefer to write words first, so that they know what kind of vibe they're looking for.

^ I agree. It's crazily difficult.

The rhyming seems rather forced. But I guess everyone has to start somewhere.

Keep writing and you'll improve.

This sounds like a pop or rock song. Something Lily Allen or maybe Katy Perry would sing.