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Ripcurl

Dawn

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I wrote this not long after the Fort Hood shooting occurred.

 

Dawn

 

The sun has set within the walls of these distressed souls

No fragment of the light that once was can be seen through the pain that quakes within their livid spirits

God hears their infuriated cries and weeps with hot tears as he watches his children suffer

The mountain that stood before them stands now as a pile of ashes that steams with the heat of tragic malice and brutality

The question that many have resting on their lips is now pouring out like an angry flood

Why?

The answer to this we may never comprehend

However there is something to be remembered

Tragedy is the blow that shakes our world and laughs in the face of everything good

But the love and warmth that follows is the dawn of the next lovely day

Edited by Ripcurl

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It seems like you're trying to embellish the poem at the end by using the word "beautiful". Your poem would have been OK without that at the end, but I understand that it would be a bit bland if so. Perhaps you could try a synonym of beautiful to replace it? Other than that, your poem is amazing.

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Thank you. And yes, I totally agree with you there. I tried to find something else that would work, but nothing that I had tried really sat well with me. 'Beautiful' was all that sounded decent in my opinion. lD Any suggestions maybe? (I had the same problem with 'good' in the line above it. It just sounds so . . . bland. But nothing else really worked.)

 

Maybe lovely instead? Hadn't thought of that one until just now.

Edited by Ripcurl

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