Kazumii Olsin's Day Off

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KareliaTheTama

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So I'm thinking of writing a story about a sophomore girl who, with the help of her best friend and her best friend's boyfriend, get out of school for a day, and disguise themselves as adults. I have already written the rough draft of the first chapter. So what do you think?

 
Why don't you share it before people can critique the idea?

 
Oh, alright. This is just a rough draft, I may make changes later.

1.) Sick and Tired

Kazumii slowly opened her eyes, and saw the sunlight stream through her bedroom window. She sighed. Today was the day. It was the middle of April, the nineteenth to be exact, and school was obviously still in. But she didn't care. Her blue digital clock read 7:49 exactly. By now, the other students at Roosevelt High would be crowded around their lockers. Around this time, her parents would always come up to her bedroom just in case she overslept AGAIN. But oddly, they were not here yet. Kazumii rolled over to the side, and sleepily pulled her iPod from it's place on the charging dock. She swiped through a couple of pages of apps, and tapped on the one that looked like a security camera. Not long ago, she installed a security camera on her door that would give her a nice 180 degree view of the second floor. She carefully watched the screen of the iPod. No parents yet. She set the iPod back in its place, and began to carry out her secret plan. She picked up her modified water bottle, a metal bottle with a plastic bottle cap with holes in the cap, from on top of her room heater. Kazumii felt around the water bottle, it was definitely warm enough. She proceeded to shake some of the hot water out onto her forhead, all over her short, dark brown and blond hair, and on her hands, which she proceeded to dry with her bedcover until they reached correct moisture level. "This will do!" she laughed to herself, when her parent's thundering footsteps came up the stairs. She immediately covered up all of the evidence, slipped a little pouch under her pillow and fell onto the bed, pretending to be asleep as best as she could. Sure enough, a few seconds later, Kazumii's dad flung open her bedroom door, her mom following close behind. Kazumii, still lying in bed, crossed her fingers and hoped her evil scheme would work. Her dad flung the covers off of her bed, and was about to pick up the 16-year-old and force her to get ready, but her mom grabbed his shoulder. "Stop that! Can't you see she's sick?" Her mom reached over and felt around her forehead. "Poor baby. She's got a fever!"

Kazumii twitched a bit and sniffled in response. Underneath her pillow, where her parents couldn't see, she took the aforementioned bag and opened it. It was sneeze powder. Kazumii put a little on her hand and rubbed her nose. She sneezed several times. "And just listen to how she sneezes!" her mother said sympathetically. "Poor thing." She picked up Kazumii's right hand and felt it. "Her hands are clammy! Let's take her to the doctor!"

"No thanks Mom," Kazumii pleaded and moaned in her best stuffy nose imitation she could muster. "I'll be fine."

"Oh, alright, we'll let you stay home and sleep."

"Thanks."

She groaned and laid over, and when her parents were finally out the door, she smiled to herself. Her evil plan worked. Not soon after, her older sister Alise stormed into her room, and spat, "I know you're faking it, delinquent baby sister. I'm onto you."

Alise stormed out the door.

"Heh, I guess you're right for a change, nerdy older sister," Kazumii said once she was out the door, and laughed to herself. Her phone rang right on cue. She sat up and checked the caller-ID. It was Sara Warner, her partner-in-crime and genius best friend. She had followed the same plan as Kazumii. She picked up the phone. "Hey Sara, what's up? Did it work?"

"Like a charm!" Sara laughed on the other end.

"So, did you hack the computer and change our days out?"

"Sure did."

"Great, so now all we have to do is get your boyfriend out of school, and we have six full hours of free time. We're gonna need a car, some disguises, and a jar of peanut butter."

"Okay, but why the peanut butter?"

"I'm hungry. Pick me up in five?"

"Sure, be right there."

Kazumii hung up the phone, and sprang up off her bed. She slipped on a leather jacket, leather four-inch high boots, a white tank with lacy straps and an abstract black

ink Paris design on the front, and pulled on a pair of tight black jeans to go with it. She applied her smoky eyeshadow, some concealer, and blood-red lipstick. She dried her wild-ish short hair and fixed it just right. Kazumii turned to see herself in the mirror. She looked amazing and very adult-like. She was admiring herself in the mirror, when her phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me, Sara. Which car do you want?"

"What do you mean, 'Which car do I want?'"

"Well, my dad DOES buy and refurbish old cars, you know."

"I know. I meant you should already know what car I want to drive."

"No, Kami, we are NOT taking the special car."

"Why not?"

"No! You know I can't look directly at that car, let alone drive it!"

"Please?"

"No. That's that and that's FINAL!!"

Sara angrily hung up.

Kami rolled her eyes. "What a wimp."

She continued to admire herself in the mirror, when her stomach growled. "Better eat breakfast," she murmured to herself and walked downstairs into the kitchen. She quaffed a glass of milk and shoved down two cookies-and-cream poptarts. Kami took a napkin and wiped the crumbs off of her face, taking extra care not to wipe any lipstick or makeup off as well. She began to get worried, for Sara still wasn't there yet, and she was only across the street. She called her up, just in case. "Sara! Where are you?"

"I'm at my house, the car won't start!"

"I'm coming over to check it out, okay?"

Kami ran out the front door, across the street, and into Sara's garage.

 
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I think it's good, but you may want to change Kazumii's last name to something more japanesey if you're going to use the name "Kazumii.."

 
Alright, I'm just not familiar with Japanese last names, and her dad may be american, I'm still brainstorming. Her nickname is Kami, just in case anyone was confused.

 
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If you're not familiar with how Japanese names work, I have a simple solution.

Don't use them.

 
Yeah, just change her name, since Kazumii Olsin sounds odd, if her dad's american, then just give her a full american name. Most of the time, giving a person an american last name with a japanese first name makes it sound really bad.

 
The reason I came up with the name is because somewhere I heard the name "Kazumi" from somewhere, and I could not get the name out of my head.. Maybe I'll just write the rest of the story with her nickname Kami. Other than that, how was it? I'm still an amateur writer, and I need all the help I can get..

 
Yeah, just go with Kami. A nice, Italian name. Using Japanese names for a story set somewhere other than Japan without proper reason just seems...weeaboo-ish, to be honest

 
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