Is this ok?

[rosie12]

Just the very first bit of my book called Trauma:

Chapter 1

My heart was pounding.Tears streamed down my face. They were fighting, as usual. I heard the front door slam. I looked out the window and saw mum pace down the drive. She looked up and I tried to hide but she saw me. Through tears I mouthed "I love you mum," and ran to my room. I dived onto my bed. Was this the end? Had mum and dad finally split up? Part of me wanted to go downstairs but the other part wanted to stay up here and cry on my bed. I cuddled my cat Tibbles and prayed that I would get a happy ending. A few minutes later there was a thudding on my door. I jumped and sat up. My dad came storming in, his face a picture of rage. "Why were you born?!" he yelled at me before his gaze landed on my hair straightners. They were on and heated to the max. He picked them up and grabbed my hand. I pleaded for him to stop but he wouldn't. I yelped with pain as the steaming hot irons burnt the tips of my fingers. The skin was begining to peel off and they were throbbing and red. The more I screamed the harder he squeezed. Finally he tossed them to the ground and turned on his heel and walked away.

 

[Trilby]

This feels very painful to read. It is easy to identify with the narrator because people have either had parents split up or know that they wouldnt want their parents to.

That having been said, the part at the end involving the abuse was difficult. I hope that she manages to find a way out of this situation because an entire story involving a parent torturing their child is unpleasant.

I like that you opened with a bang though. This seems like a tough situation for the protagonist and I am already rooting for her.

Also, I would like to point out that not all stories have to be happy. Not all stories have to talk about easy, acceptable things. My favourite story I have written deals with these more 'taboo' subjects. I can tell that some people may not like this simply because of the subject matter so far. Dont let that discourage you. If you have a story to tell, go ahead and tell it!

Keep writing.

 

[Missbehave]

It's really sad...but I don't think a dad would do that because if they split up they'd be all nicey nicey to the girl, wouldn't they? Or maybe not since they'd be angry and want to take it out on some one. I don't know, keep writing it's really good, remember to brighten it up with happy and funny bits-well, if you want to ofcourse