Story Idea

Last year I started writing a story called 'Hoshi no Pasu (Path of the Stars) about a 15 year old girl named Aki Hoshimori who has no family and lives in an abandoned house and pays for her school bills with her grades. She lost her memory of when she was younger, all she remembers is waking up on a street with her two dogs Hana and Yukio along with a katana.(it helps later) She has a very strange personality, she's apathetic and normally doesn’t say a word. Her eye easily adjust to the dark allowing her to see and has great sense of smell and sight. One day she decided to run away from everything, try finding another place to live as she's running she falls down a hole into another world called Rerumu. (Realm)

It's got kind of a Alice in Wonderland/Alice no Heart no Kuni theme though it's not a dream and there's probably few parts that have/would have no PG themes like violence, swearing, etc. If I were to upload the story it probably wouldn't be to TT due to these things but yeah....I just wanna know peoples opinions on what you think like is it a bit predictably, if I should change the storyline a little, etc...

It sounds pretty good - on my old forum site, everyone was writing stories... But not very good ones. One person actually made a twilight look-a-like. That hurt my head even more than twilight <-< (No bad feelings to people who like twilight - I just don't personally) And the fact they weren't very literate, and the story was way predictable. I think your idea is really good ^_^

My only suggestion is to drop the Japanese. Unless the story takes place in Japan, I really suggest dropping it. And even then, maybe use a weapon different than the katana? There's different weapons from Japan.

However, despite my vendetta towards misuse of Japan and it's culture, I still think this is a nice story. As long as you have a nice amount of detail, this would be a very enjoyable read. I have such a soft spot for Alice in Wonderland-esque stories.

Oh yes, please drop the whole Japanese thing. I cringed when I read that. Unless it takes place in Japan and you are well-read about it's culture ande geography- DON'T. Manga/Anime characters have been grossly misused lately. I like the idea- but you need to be more creative.

I like it, write it please. But you could change the names unless it is in Japan (It adds onto being a Mary-Sue). I really hope you write this. :3