am i becoming depressed?

[pighat09]

ok i don't want to self-diagnose because only stupids do that. and mods, please please PLEASE upload this because this is extremely important!

ok for the past week school has been the worst thing. i cant bring my electronics to school because i put my headphones (which are beats) on a kids head because he wanted to know how they felt and i got caught and apparaerbntlk thats a rule and i got them taken away for 2 weeks and i snuck them in and i got caught and now i cant use them till the 20th and now the teacher is gonna go through my bag everyday. heres the thing though. my bus ride is 45 minutes in the morning and 50 minutes going home. thats almost 2 HOURS. i cant survive that long. I'm starting to self harm by giving myself eraser burns. i currently have 3 and will probably have more soon. also, this is kinda TMI, but i pee my pants a little because i still have pressure in my bladder even i go pee so i let it out. sometimes its 2-3 drops. sometimes, though, it leaks. and smells. this kid (who we will call ken even tho thats not his real name) says "what smells like pee?" sometimes when I'm around him. the teacher even knows, and we meet and we try to figure out something but i genuinely don't know what to do. she says she'll call my mom and i CANT. this is putting for stress on me. i kept crying today and got caught putting my pencil back in my desk after i came out of the bathroom. i brought it with me so i can give myself more eraser burns. and today a kid told me to shut up. I've been told worse by my brother and haven't reacted, but i was on the verge of tears when he said this and i just started BAWLING. i cant take it anymore. my parents aren't letting me get $200 from a friend, even though he wants to buy my iPod for that much.

my parents are forcing me to go to school even though my mental health is getting worse. they think I'm "lying" and "faking". i've been thinking about suicide tbh. i've also been thinking about getting some drugs from my friend. he smokes marijuana and sells it. i need to ease the pain.

and lets not talk about youtube. people are calling me all sorts of rude crap just because i don't like rape jokes.

my only escape is through tumblr, biking, and Neopets. but because its been getting colder and darker, i cant bike as much.

im afraid of telling my parents all of this because they might turn me into the mental hospital or something.

everyone hates me. i cant do it anymore.

please help.

 

[NineMouse]

I'm not sure how old you are, but it seems that you are very young. Experimenting with drugs like marijuana is not something you want to get into, especially at your age, because it can affect you very, very differently than someone older than you. You don't want to even think about drugs or alcohol - they don't numb pain, they add to it because you only add to your worries (hiding it from parents or other friends, living with guilt and fear as a result). As for the self-harm, I understand that in the moment it can feel like a release of your feelings, but this can also add even more worry and stress to your life through having to hide it from people. What if someone noticed and called your parents? Have you thought about what you'd say to them?

Depression is a very serious mental illness that affects you through an imbalance in the chemicals in your brain. If you have been experiencing these feelings for very long - at least over a year - then you may want to speak to a doctor about whether you might be depressed. If it hasn't been that long or you don't think it's very serious, I'd urge you to wait and try to deal with things through alternative methods like speaking to your school counselor, because medication can be expensive and I don't know if you feel comfortable talking to your parents about going to the doctor. If you are feeling suicidal, I'd ask you to PLEASE at least try speaking to a school counselor. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You have to realize that even talking about suicide, even thinking about it is very serious. Suicide equals death. If you can't think of yourself being dead, your family having to deal with your death, your friends and school having to deal with it, and how PERMANENT it is, then know that you most likely do not want to actually commit suicide, but may just be feeling very upset and need an outlet for that negativity.

If you can't speak to a counselor or don't like your counselors (I know mine weren't very helpful when I was in school), try talking to an adult that you trust. You can speak to a friend also, but someone your age or under a certain age may not know how to properly talk to you about your problems, and they may not help you very much.

If all else fails, talk to someone on here. Talk to me if you need to. Stop hurting yourself - it doesn't solve any problems or get rid of any anxieties you may have. It just makes things worse.

The other problems you've mentioned here are NOT WORTH hurting yourself or thinking of suicide. Money? Headphones? Really? The issue with peeing yourself could be solved by a visit to the doctor. I know it's a really embarrassing problem, but you could probably easily solve this by talking to a doctor. I've known multiple people with incontinence (peeing) problems who just had to take medication to stop it. In the meantime, if you think you might have trouble with it, wear a light pantyliner or at least put some toilet paper in your underwear to absorb any leaking. This should at least help with the smell.

 

[Bitbot]

I think this is not despression. Maybe its just a hard time? Please do not think about suicide maybe something AWESOME will happen? You never know... Talk with a counselor or something similar ok?

Don't do drugs! Drugs are stupid and only for junkies. It can ruin your life. So for short drugs don't help they make it worse. And if your parents see it you have BIG problems.

About the peeing thing. This may sound really weird. Before you can see a doctor. Use saintary pads. Refresh them regulary. They are really cheap.

The headphones yeah... Surviving without electronics is not hard. After a few days you will get used to it. And beats are just normal headphones.

 

[pighat09]

hey everyone i've been getting better. thanks for your help!

 

[FurbyTamagotchiGizmoFijits]

jesus christ. i'm so sorry. I've been dealing with depression for a while and it's only getting worse.

for one think don't even think about buying the marijuana. just don't.

I've dealt with suicidal thoughts and I highly recommend a therapist. Not being rude, just saying.

The bullying: get the principal. If he/she does nothing then get the school board. If they do nothing just sue them.

and...that's all I have to say on the matter.

 

[Kiruu]

I've been there with depression and I can tell you now relying on substances to get by will not help at all. I've seen people go through that myself and it never helps. Neither does self harm. I rip at the skin around my nails fairly often so trust me it's not good.

The bladder issue, it might be worth while to try incontinence pads, they're fairly cheap I think and might help.

Counselling helped a little for me but now that I'm out of school I've been seeing a psychiatrist. my parents are the same as yours, so I know what you're going through. If you ever need someone to talk to you can PM me any time you like.

I hope things continue to get better

 

[pighat09]

update: life is getting such better! i know I'm gonna jinx it, though. although my BF broke up with me yesterday (he got back with his ex?!?!?! come on!) everything is ok. i've been sick and have had a well-needed break from school, and i'm getting the 50 dollars for the con! i'm going tomorrow (ye).

the bad news is that my teacher found my iPod

but my parents talked and now i might be able to use it!

i'm also able to bring my 3DS to school, and i got smash. the eraser burns are healing up nicely; there's barely any scars.

thank you all for the support!

 

[Princess Lavuli]

I went through a short time of depression over the summer I got over it though i told my mom it helped but seriously

for one think don't even think about buying the marijuana. just don't

Any way Suicide never solves anything

( a few days ago a girl jumped in front a train my friend was real close to where she did it, my freind was THERE, she felt really bad for not doing anything she just heard screaming and a train honk then ambulances, it freaked her out a lot)

Allo-sy!

<3

 

[NineMouse]

I went through a short time of depression over the summer I got over it though i told my mom it helped but seriously

I just wanted to mention that clinical depression is not an illness that you can just "get over", and certainly does not last for only a summer and then disappear. It is a lifelong mental imbalance which can be managed through medication, therapy, affirmations, and other kinds of behavioral therapy, but it doesn't go away - it just becomes manageable. I'm only saying this because when people give the impression that depression is something that is possible to just "get over" it makes it even harder for people with actual, clinical, diagnosed depression to talk to people about it because they have this assumption that they should just get over it and move on - even though that's impossible for someone with depression.

 

[Bitbot]

update: life is getting such better! i know I'm gonna jinx it, though. although my BF broke up with me yesterday (he got back with his ex?!?!?! come on!) everything is ok. i've been sick and have had a well-needed break from school, and i'm getting the 50 dollars for the con! i'm going tomorrow (ye). the bad news is that my teacher found my iPod

but my parents talked and now i might be able to use it!

i'm also able to bring my 3DS to school, and i got smash. the eraser burns are healing up nicely; there's barely any scars.

thank you all for the support!

See? Was that a depression, no despression is for a way longer time. This was just a hard time. Good luck and keep happy!