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lainabug01

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Okay there is a problem with one of my friends...

The friend's name will be "S" and the boy's name will be "B".

So, last year in the sixth grade, a new kid came to school, B. And as soon as S saw him, she was obsessed. Ever since then, she has been throwing tantrums when he wouldn't say "I love you" to her, and she had gone to some very bad extremes, like attempted suicide... Over the summer, I thought she had gotten over him. Anyway, things pretty much were normal. But then... S got a little weird. She started to sit by B every day, trying desperately trying to get his attention in anyway, like purposely breaking her fingers. Yes, purposely. I got worried, and i decided to keep a close eye on her. Now, she came to school and... At lunch she showed me something kind of scary. She had cut B's name into her arm. I need to know what to do! She has threatened suicide if he doesn't say "I love you," and as a friend, I don't know what to do! I feel like I can't stand by and do nothing...

Help? :)

 
She sounds pretty disturbing to me. And it's difficult to know what to do in these situations!

The lame tip is to talk to a teacher. Maybe this girl has other issues, like, divorce in the family, death or a disease? If she needs help, you're doing the right thing. You can only be expected to do so much, even if she is a friend. A suicide threat is always serious. Talk to your teacher. If your friend has a problem, your teacher will probably know about it. S is as intense as you say, and other people in your class has probably noticed her behavior. so no one needs to now you talked to anyone.

And this "B", how does he feel about all this? you forgot to mention that.

Other people's self-harm and suicidal thoughts is NOTHING YOU SHOULD TRY TO "HEAL". You seem like a very good friend, and the best thing you can do is to be supportive, but draw your own lines. You can say "no" in a polite manner without being perceived as a moron. good luck :(

 
You need to talk to an adult. Any trusted adult. You can't be expected to let her put her problems on your shoulders. Perhaps something happened, at home, wherever - and she just wants someone to love her. I think you should talk to B, as well.

But yeah. My advice would be to tell an adult. Suicide threats and self-harmingness to the extremity of breaking her own bones in serious - you're only in grade seven now, aren't you? Go to an adult.

 
If you have a counsellor at your school, go to him/her.

Don't hold back. I know you may think this is private to S but the counsellor won't tell anyone but S's parent's and can help alot.

If there isn't, tell a teacher. Her form tutor, head of year etc.

You seem like a good friend, but this really isn't your problem to worry about and get upset about. I suggest telling someone to sort this problem out, put a rest to your mind.

 
Like said in above posts, you need to tell an adult. Counselor, parent, teacher, any trusted adult. Your friend needs help NOW. You need to tell someone before she hurts herself or someone else. This is not normal, and I'm not saying your friend is crazy, but she needs help from a psycologist. And if you don't tell someone now, it might be to late.

 
Thank you for the advice. I called her last night, and her mom picked up. I asked if I could talk to S, and she asked who I was. I told her my name, and she screamed at me, "Stay away from my daughter!", and hung up. So, then I called B to see what he thought. We talked for a while about what we should both do to help in any way, and he said he would talk to S. I said I would tell our school's counselor. Then, about 20 minutes ago, she called and said she's coming over and needs to talk to me. I'm really afraid of what she might say. And honestly, I think I might have made things worse... I just don't want anything to happen to her. :)

 
Thank you for the advice. I called her last night, and her mom picked up. I asked if I could talk to S, and she asked who I was. I told her my name, and she screamed at me, "Stay away from my daughter!", and hung up. So, then I called B to see what he thought. We talked for a while about what we should both do to help in any way, and he said he would talk to S. I said I would tell our school's counselor. Then, about 20 minutes ago, she called and said she's coming over and needs to talk to me. I'm really afraid of what she might say. And honestly, I think I might have made things worse... I just don't want anything to happen to her. ;)
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Jeez, its hard being a good friend... But it's great that you took the initiative to try to help her . ;) what was "S"'s mother so upset about? She just yelled to a you, 7th-grader, as if you were a monster. Seems there ARE some problems. Please tell us how everything went! :)

 
They were never going out, correct? Geez Why is she so obsessed then O_O

Also, Why did her mom say "Stay away from my daughter"? I don't recall you doing anything wrong.

She needs help. I don't know what to tell you. My only options are to see the guidance counselor or talk to B about her actions (but that might make it really worse..)

 
I don't really know anything i could have done to her mom to yell at me like that...

When S came earlier today, she had tears in her eyes, and told me she needed to talk with me now, and that she was P***** off at me. I told my mom I was going in the backyard. S talked to me, and she told me that B had told her what I said to him. And she took it the wrong way, and thought I was saying she was crazy. Then, she smacked my face and said that I ruined everything for her and B, and that she never wanted to see my ugly face again. And I yelled as she was walking away that I was only trying to help her. She just kept on walking.

Now... I just have no clue if I can help her anymore.

 
I would talk to a teacher or counselor, preferably counselor. They have a confidentiality policy, meaning your friend wont know you're the one who brought it up. Suicide isn't something to mess around with, regardless if you think they're serious or not.

I've never been in your position, but I've been in hers. I didn't have friends I could trust or talk to about my problems, and they didn't try to really help. They just tried to make me stop, which by the way, wrong way to approach the situation.

She should really seek some kind of therapy. Whether it be something at home or a personal problem she can't get past, it sounds like she really needs to talk to someone she can trust.

If she finds out you're the one who said something, she may resent you for a while, but I can almost guarantee she'll thank you for it later.

The only other thing I can really say is you honestly can't help someone if they don't want it. If it turns out she doesn't want help, don't push the issue. Doing so will only make her trust you less.

 
I say just let her go. But she needs some serious help.

Clearly, she cares about B more than to even work things out with you. Like SK Said, Suicide isn't something to mess around with. Her mom doesn't really seem to be helping her, either. She just yelled at you, so she is obviously on her daughters side. Even though she is your friend, and you hate to just abandon friends, let her go. She won't be able to say you are "Ruining things between her and B" if you don't talk to her or B.

My advice is just to tell a school guidance counselor about this issue.

 
I don't care what this girl or her mother said to you or did to you; if you really want to help you have to talk to a counselor. I can't say more than what was already said, but she really needs some help. I don't know about you, but I'd feel really guilty if one of my friends actually did attempt suicide for this kind of an issue and all along I knew about it.

 
Oh dear.

One thing to do,TELL AN ADULT!!!

Its really important,and do it straight away,as if you don't,it may be too late. As soon as you can,tell that adult. May seem lame and immature,but you need to save that friend.

Make sure its a trusted adult. Either your school counseller,your parents or her parents. Explain to them,when they have as much time as possible.

Your friend,will probably not be happy about this. But,explain to her,that that its the best thing to do,and why you did it,and if she doesen't understand,she will later,and appreicieate you saved her life.

Good luck.

 
Awhile ago I had a small brush with depression and anxiety. Seeing a therapist at 11 was the last thing I wanted to do. I came in for the meetings expecting nothing, but I came out so relieved to see the world in a new light.

You need to tell an adult. Your friend could potentially kill herself, and you DO NOT want that to happen as her friend.

She most likely WILL be mad at you for some time, but after she will be relieved you helped her heal an live again.

Good Luck,

-Rachel

 
I told the counselor on Monday. He asked me all sorts of questions about her behavior lately. I answered them, obviously, then something strange happened. He asked me the most idiotic question I've ever heard. He asked me, "Did you tell her to commit suicide, or anything like that?". Obviously, I said, "No.". Then, he sighed and said, "Thank you for telling me, I will talk to her.". Then, after school, she punched me full into the face. I yelled, "What was that for!?". She said, "That's for telling B I hate him!!" and she ran away. I'M SO CONFUSED!!! I think she may have lost it... But, I do feel better that I told someone. Whether she decides to be my friend or not, I hope things will get better now...

 
You don't need to just tell a consuler. Tell your teachers. tell any adult untill tell listen. She soulds like she has something called --- i forgot. well i know what it is. i'll try my best to explain it. from another point of view. There was this girl who was adpoted. she always felt alone even where her mother gave her some atteiont , she craved more attetion. When she met a stranger she ran up to them , even for talking to them for 5 minutes , and gave them a hug. When that person started rejecting the attetion she hurt herself in a sign of a cry for help. she would keep hurting herself a little bit more and more each time they didn't give her atteion or if she felt rejected by them. Ok now take the girl and the stranger. Replace the girl with S, replace the stranger with B. Does it seem simalr? If it does she need theropy. The girl in this stroy commited sucide. i don't want that to happen to your friend.

 
Does your mum know about it? I think you should tell her. Because maybe she can talk to the counselor too. Because maybe that will push the counselor to do more about it. Your mum wouldn't be happy about her keep hitting you. I think it's not fair you having to face this alone, even though you've told a counselor, you need someone close to you to talk to. I know the whole situation is about you friend, but you need to be happy, not punched in the face.

 
Oh my.

Talk to a teacher, or a an adult. Talk to her parents. It is a little strange, because you can't make a guy/girl like you. She is in love him, or is she not? I would say talk her out of it, or try to make your friend stay away from the boy as much as possible.

 
I told my mom, and now she also went to the school, so now since I was tangled in this, me, S, B, and our parents talked to the counselor. Now she will make regular visits, and talk to B about what's going on. They found out she had some disorder like the one xxXEmoXxXLoveXxx </3 explained. So now she is being kept from suicide, but something still seems strange... After getting help, she seems... Well, lifeless. She talks like nothing is exciting or anything, she seems uninterested in life whatsoever. Now I'm kind of afraid, but my mom said there's nothing I can do.

If you still have any advice, go ahead, but I don't think it can help now... <_<

 
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