Is this even normal?!

[~SkrillexGotchi~]

I told my Mom that she has to let me go do my own things when I become 18 years old, and she's making me feel like I'm going to stay with her until I die. She even treats me like I'm 5 years old!

She says these ridiculous things when I say that "she needs to let me go SOMETIME":

1. You need a lot of help. (My thoughts: Uh, I can do things on my own, you know. You're just holding me back.)
2. I want you to be at a college close to home. (My thoughts: How about no?)
3. You can't be a DJ. It's all about drugs and stuff. (My thoughts: Nice job stereotyping, Mom.) (She always drags that away from our conversation...)
4. I'd rather you be on broadway or be a zookeeper. (My thoughts: Oh my god, what am I? 12 years old?) (She does that every time I talk about animals or when I hear stupid-sounding broadway music)

Oh my god...What can I do? I can't stay with my mother forever. I NEED to be out in the world doing things that I love to do! She can't just hold me back from it.

Every time I tell her that I want to be a DJ and to work with Skrillex, she shoves that aside and talks about something else I should do. What should I do now? Should I just stay with her forever, or go out in the world and do things?

 

[Eternal Mametchi Fan]

Well I'm sure she's just worried and protective of you. When the time comes, I'm sure you'll be able to make your own choices.

 

[-melody-]

Put yourself in your mom's place. Lots of moms are worried about leaving their children and maybe she doesn't like the thought of it.

Keep chasing the dreams that YOU want to chase, not for anybody else. It's your life, and you can live it any way you want to. People are going to tell you to not do something, but that can't stop you.

 

[NineMouse]

If you're the oldest or only child, she's never experienced empty nest syndrome or having her kids leave her and it's pretty common for parents, mothers especially, to dread the day their children will move out. Some parents are especially dramatic about it, but as you get older and grow up she'll probably warm up to the idea of you being out on your own. Then again, she might not! Everyone's parents are different, and if you do feel that your parents or mom are holding you back from what you really want to do, then cut those connections as gently as you can and strike out on your own when you turn 18. Your mom can't make you stay, you don't have to go to a college you don't want to, and in fact I implore you to PLEASE go to a college you want instead of one your mother chooses. If you go somewhere you're not really into, your grades will suffer. Go somewhere where you can get the experience and the degree that you need to obtain your goals. In your case, you should find a college with a good music program where you will be able to learn to DJ. You can start out by DJing from a laptop with speakers at parties and such, before you move on to actual equipment (which is very, very expensive).

 

[~SkrillexGotchi~]

If you're the oldest or only child, she's never experienced empty nest syndrome or having her kids leave her and it's pretty common for parents, mothers especially, to dread the day their children will move out. Some parents are especially dramatic about it, but as you get older and grow up she'll probably warm up to the idea of you being out on your own. Then again, she might not! Everyone's parents are different, and if you do feel that your parents or mom are holding you back from what you really want to do, then cut those connections as gently as you can and strike out on your own when you turn 18. Your mom can't make you stay, you don't have to go to a college you don't want to, and in fact I implore you to PLEASE go to a college you want instead of one your mother chooses. If you go somewhere you're not really into, your grades will suffer. Go somewhere where you can get the experience and the degree that you need to obtain your goals. In your case, you should find a college with a good music program where you will be able to learn to DJ. You can start out by DJing from a laptop with speakers at parties and such, before you move on to actual equipment (which is very, very expensive).

Well, she needs to believe that I can be out on my own. But no, she says I have a lot to learn.

Now she said when I turn 18 I can't have a Twitter. WHY?! What if I'm a DJ? I can't have Twitter then, either? Heck, I'm gonna have to tell my Mom that I'm going to Full Sail or AI without her trying to pull me out. I can't let her take me out of being a DJ. I'm not living on her rules when I turn 18. I'm telling her that I'm going to college, and then I'm joining Skrillex's record label "OWSLA", whether she wants me to or not.

 

[Myiko]

The thing is that she will obviously not ''let you'' do what you want because you are not focusing it properly, if you just say '' I'm joining Skrillex's record label "OWSLA" '' she is obviously not gonna let you, I wouldn't if I were her either.

If you wanna be a DJ then try to be a DJ for the sake of being a DJ, for making music and composing for people to enjoy it, if you say you wanna do it because you love Skrillex and you want to be like/with him nobody will take you seriously, you shouldn't care about who or what company you are going to work with, if you wanna be a DJ is for the music and because you would enjoy doing so.

If your mum understood you are interested in music and want to make a life out of it she would be more positive about it, but in the way you are focusing it now she will of course worry.

It's not bad to have the dream of meeting your favourite artist and working for your favourite brand, but you can't base your life around that xD

 

[NineMouse]

Well, she needs to believe that I can be out on my own. But no, she says I have a lot to learn.

Now she said when I turn 18 I can't have a Twitter. WHY?! What if I'm a DJ? I can't have Twitter then, either? Heck, I'm gonna have to tell my Mom that I'm going to Full Sail or AI without her trying to pull me out. I can't let her take me out of being a DJ. I'm not living on her rules when I turn 18. I'm telling her that I'm going to college, and then I'm joining Skrillex's record label "OWSLA", whether she wants me to or not.

Well, that's the whole point of leaving home in the first place, to learn what you have to learn about living on your own. You'll never learn anything about being independent if you stay with your parents. Once you turn 18, you will not require your parents' permission to create any online accounts, including Twitter. (I don't know if you even need it now, tbh. I don't remember Twitter's terms and conditions.) It's good that you have a vision and you have the drive to achieve it. You'll have to establish a name for yourself before legit record labels will even give you the time of day. If you have a particular label you want to land, see what kind of experience the artists under that label had when they joined and work towards gaining that experience. You'll probably want to be an independent DJ first - Skrillex was probably independent and built up his reputation from there before he joined, too. After working on your own for a few years and proving yourself, with original tracks of your own composed by you, you can send examples of your work to the label to see if you can gain interest in your work. Most labels will not look at a music artist unless they have a repertoire of original tracks to show their experience with composing.

 

[~SkrillexGotchi~]

Well, that's the whole point of leaving home in the first place, to learn what you have to learn about living on your own. You'll never learn anything about being independent if you stay with your parents. Once you turn 18, you will not require your parents' permission to create any online accounts, including Twitter. (I don't know if you even need it now, tbh. I don't remember Twitter's terms and conditions.) It's good that you have a vision and you have the drive to achieve it. You'll have to establish a name for yourself before legit record labels will even give you the time of day. If you have a particular label you want to land, see what kind of experience the artists under that label had when they joined and work towards gaining that experience. You'll probably want to be an independent DJ first - Skrillex was probably independent and built up his reputation from there before he joined, too. After working on your own for a few years and proving yourself, with original tracks of your own composed by you, you can send examples of your work to the label to see if you can gain interest in your work. Most labels will not look at a music artist unless they have a repertoire of original tracks to show their experience with composing.

I always use this app called eDJing and I try to test out my skills on DJing, but I keep flunking and I have to start over. But I'm still gonna try hard and work my way in.

 

[Awkwardo]

The thing is that she will obviously not ''let you'' do what you want because you are not focusing it properly, if you just say '' I'm joining Skrillex's record label "OWSLA" '' she is obviously not gonna let you, I wouldn't if I were her either.

If you wanna be a DJ then try to be a DJ for the sake of being a DJ, for making music and composing for people to enjoy it, if you say you wanna do it because you love Skrillex and you want to be like/with him nobody will take you seriously, you shouldn't care about who or what company you are going to work with, if you wanna be a DJ is for the music and because you would enjoy doing so.

If your mum understood you are interested in music and want to make a life out of it she would be more positive about it, but in the way you are focusing it now she will of course worry.

It's not bad to have the dream of meeting your favourite artist and working for your favourite brand, but you can't base your life around that xD

*quotes 100 times*

This is precisely true. It's not healthy to have that kind of obsession and to expect to make a career out of it. Whatever you choose to do in life, it should be for yourself, for what you know to be what you want, rather than the vague pursuit of another person.

 

[BlueCheeseMonkey~]

The thing is that she will obviously not ''let you'' do what you want because you are not focusing it properly, if you just say '' I'm joining Skrillex's record label "OWSLA" '' she is obviously not gonna let you, I wouldn't if I were her either.
If you wanna be a DJ then try to be a DJ for the sake of being a DJ, for making music and composing for people to enjoy it, if you say you wanna do it because you love Skrillex and you want to be like/with him nobody will take you seriously, you shouldn't care about who or what company you are going to work with, if you wanna be a DJ is for the music and because you would enjoy doing so.

If your mum understood you are interested in music and want to make a life out of it she would be more positive about it, but in the way you are focusing it now she will of course worry.

It's not bad to have the dream of meeting your favourite artist and working for your favourite brand, but you can't base your life around that xD

 

[NineMouse]

*quotes 100 times*

This is precisely true. It's not healthy to have that kind of obsession and to expect to make a career out of it. Whatever you choose to do in life, it should be for yourself, for what you know to be what you want, rather than the vague pursuit of another person.

Half of the time, I would absolutely agree with you. Making life decisions based on celebrities that you admire when you're young can lead to wasted time more often than not, and a lot of grief for parents. However, she still has a bit of time before she's on her own, and those flights of fancy don't typically last very long. If she's serious about wanting to be a DJ, she'll still want to do it when she leaves the house and is choosing a college. If not, and it's just a celebrity crush thing, then she'll be over it by then and it won't matter anyway. However, most people who do end up going into the music business were inspired by someone, and to just say, "You don't know what you want, you're only doing it for someone else," is very dismissive. She may try learning to be a DJ and end up falling in love with it. She may decide it's difficult or just not for her. But that's a decision that she will have to make, later. For now, I think it's okay to have a dream and to be inspired to do what you want. I developed myself as a writer after admiring and emulating my favorite writers, after all.

 

[TamaMum]

I'm not sure if you're asking for our honest opinions about your home life situation or if you just want everyone to support you and say you're right and your mum is wrong

We can all post well meaning suggestions and ideas but they might not be what you want to hear right now.

Everyone is an individual and everyone (bit by bit) has to learn to deal with the way their life is turning out.

Parents and friends can be useful to help you make decisions. They can give advice, suggestions and different points of view so that in the end you can make choices and decisions based on a variety of different ideas and info.

But it's your decision and you have to be realistic.

Do research on which college courses are going to best help you become a successful DJ (not just where they're located).

Don't focus too narrowly on an app and believe that this app (plus hard work) will deliver your dream.

By all means have a dream and aim to join OWSLA when you graduate.

But be realistic and be aware that Skrillex might not be with OWSLA by then - he might have moved on in a new direction.

Be aware that you will also change and grow with new experiences - you might even have discovered (or developed) a new style of music of your own that suits you perfectly but takes you in a totally different direction to Skrillex.

Keep in mind that in real life, you won't be able to control which record label you are joining. You have to be offered a signing. By any record label - including OWSLA. That's reality.

If you just want to work for the same company as Skrillex to be near him you still have to have qualifications that will allow you to apply for and be offered a job in the same company.

That's reality too.

Maybe your Mum treats you like you're a child because she doesn't know you are taking those kinds of realities into consideration?

Maybe you feel you're not being supported because she is saying things you don't want to hear.

(That probably applies to what I am saying too...)

So... it normal for a mum to worry about her children as they grow towards adulthood? Yes, absolutely.

Is it normal for a teenager to feel like their parents try to control what they do, where they go, who they hang out with? Absolutely.

Despite appearances, the arguments you might have with your parents about your future are usually a result of their love and concern for you, not a wish to control you forever (even if it seems that way to you). They have experience and knowledge of things you have not yet encountered and they want to share it with you.

Likewise, your friends have different ideas that might be useful to help you decide on your future. I know it's kind of difficult to pause and consider other points of view, but all I can suggest is that you listen to advice. You don't have to take it.

Just like you don't have to do what your mum says when you become an independent adult.

Don't panic. There's plenty of time and the future is not fixed.

 

[~SkrillexGotchi~]

I'm not sure if you're asking for our honest opinions about your home life situation or if you just want everyone to support you and say you're right and your mum is wrong

We can all post well meaning suggestions and ideas but they might not be what you want to hear right now.

Everyone is an individual and everyone (bit by bit) has to learn to deal with the way their life is turning out.

Parents and friends can be useful to help you make decisions. They can give advice, suggestions and different points of view so that in the end you can make choices and decisions based on a variety of different ideas and info.

But it's your decision and you have to be realistic.

Do research on which college courses are going to best help you become a successful DJ (not just where they're located).

Don't focus too narrowly on an app and believe that this app (plus hard work) will deliver your dream.

By all means have a dream and aim to join OWSLA when you graduate.

But be realistic and be aware that Skrillex might not be with OWSLA by then - he might have moved on in a new direction.

Be aware that you will also change and grow with new experiences - you might even have discovered (or developed) a new style of music of your own that suits you perfectly but takes you in a totally different direction to Skrillex.

Keep in mind that in real life, you won't be able to control which record label you are joining. You have to be offered a signing. By any record label - including OWSLA. That's reality.

If you just want to work for the same company as Skrillex to be near him you still have to have qualifications that will allow you to apply for and be offered a job in the same company.

That's reality too.

Maybe your Mum treats you like you're a child because she doesn't know you are taking those kinds of realities into consideration?

Maybe you feel you're not being supported because she is saying things you don't want to hear.

(That probably applies to what I am saying too...)

So... it normal for a mum to worry about her children as they grow towards adulthood? Yes, absolutely.

Is it normal for a teenager to feel like their parents try to control what they do, where they go, who they hang out with? Absolutely.

Despite appearances, the arguments you might have with your parents about your future are usually a result of their love and concern for you, not a wish to control you forever (even if it seems that way to you). They have experience and knowledge of things you have not yet encountered and they want to share it with you.

Likewise, your friends have different ideas that might be useful to help you decide on your future. I know it's kind of difficult to pause and consider other points of view, but all I can suggest is that you listen to advice. You don't have to take it.

Just like you don't have to do what your mum says when you become an independent adult.

Don't panic. There's plenty of time and the future is not fixed.

Thank you TamaMum. You explained it better than I did.

 

[FurbyTamagotchiGizmoFijits]

Your mom is just very protective...deep inside, she really does care. She just doesn't like the fact that you're growing up and wants to get away from it (which is why despite my age my parents still treat me like i'm 11 or something)