Lost my dispensation to be a moron?

[Dead_Mametchi]

Bleedings and lamentations!

I turned 20 today, and it's horrible. i feel so old and that i'm going to die. my mom gave me diamond earrings as it's 20 - a tradition. They may be diamonds, but they are HIDEOUS. they are egg-plant shaped. call me an ungrateful b.... if you like, they are a horrible reminder that i, a living god's ceature, will die, while these already dead things will live on and on.

everyone makes a reasonable, adult choice very now and then, but when youre a teen, you can still hold onto your teenage status and let the big ones deal with the worst parts. i feel so lonely.

two days before my birthday the thoughts kept spinning. they were mostly about losing things that is dear to me, like having a crush on Doug hutchison, (please don't squeal about that), dye my hair blood red, wearing colorful overknees, chewing bubblegum and playing with tamagotchis. From all that and to be expected to grow up.

i didn't think it was a big deal until i got there. these feelings were non-present when i graduated from college, turned eighteen and had my fisrt real partner. i was happy about those things, but i'm not happy now.

that same night i spent waking hours under my desk, smoking and playing all my Frontline assembly records over and over. The panic grew and i seriously thought about ending my life. the emotions peaked and i threw up in the sink. and i can't talk to this to anyone. i was at Mass on sunday, but i didn't dare to confess, because i'm so ashamed. I feel that i have, well, lost my dispensation to be a moron and that my life is over. ("Moron" in a cute paralel.)

 

[TamaMum]

Reality check

You are only 20 years old - believe me, there's some awesome stuff still to come (including being a moron)

Stop trying to "fit" what you think is a stereotypical 20 yr old and take control.

Define yourself

Growing older is inevitable.

Growing up is optional.

If none of that helps at all, I will just add that reading through your rant, I think you are doing a pretty good impression of an "emo teen" so if you don't tell ppl you're 20 they might still think you are a teenager

Edit: OMG! Where are my manners...?

Happy Birthday!

(trust me, you can be a moron for a looooong time after 20 yrs...)

 

[Self:.:Pity]

Reality check
You are only 20 years old - believe me, there's some awesome stuff still to come (including being a moron)

Stop trying to "fit" what you think is a stereotypical 20 yr old and take control.

Define yourself

Growing older is inevitable.

Growing up is optional.

If none of that helps at all, I will just add that reading through your rant, I think you are doing a pretty good impression of an "emo teen" so if you don't tell ppl you're 20 they might still think you are a teenager

Edit: OMG! Where are my manners...?

Happy Birthday!

(trust me, you can be a moron for a looooong time after 20 yrs...)

Mmm, yes, I'm afraid I will have to agree with TM here.

The way you posted here, I wouldn't think you were twenty. I would think you were sixteen.

If you don't want to grow up, don't grow up.

haha, I don't think ill grow up mentally till long after I'm twenty. My brothers going to be thirty next July, and he still acts like a silly kid most of the time.