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VioletetchiGirl101

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prolouge: my parents abused me! so one day i ran away into a new path. my path. my way. Living on the streets so hard to find something good to eat. starving, almost dying so hard but now you'll find out how i have been living on the street.

is it good so far and ill post chp 1- 14

 
chp 1

''Go finish those chores you little bratty wezel'' said father. '' ok'' ashley said. While she was doing chores she was thinking about her plan. She was going to runaway and live on the streets.

~

It was 2 in the morning. Ashley was packing her clothes. She had saved up all the money she got from her job at the coffee shop. She worked when she got home from school. Her family was going in poverty so they couldn't pay for her to go to school. she got homeschooled by her aunt. She went there alot after work or when she wasn't working she was doing homework or texting her friends. she could only send 3 text messages a day.which sucked for her. soon she would be free and live it her way by herself. she had only told her best friend who was also runing away. Her best friend was Amanda and she had a car. but it had broke down.

 
Nice, but your punctuation could use a bit more work.

 

And if the bit you posted just now is the whole chapter 1, you might need to make it longer.

 

Otherwise, I like it. :)

 

 

Best Wishes

barky

 
It goes really quickly, there isn't any description (as far as we know, this girl considers being called a bratty little weasel abuse), you keep changing tenses, and the grammar is messed up.

The story idea sounds good, though.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
i was going to keep on going with chapter 1.....

she got a text saying i need help my car broke down. she texted back. she said i'll be there in 20 mins. she grabbed her coat and took her bike and left. her sister destiny heard her leave and woke her father. ''WHERES THAT BRATTY LITTLE WEZEL'' father said. "shes aredy gone i heard her leave.'' destiny replied. she called lindsey to see maybe where she was. of course she wouldn't answer cause it was 2am. she tried anyway. Lindsey answered. ''Hello'' ''yes do you know where my sister is'' destiny said. '' who is this?'' lindsey asked. ''Destiny'' destiny said.'' Lindsey said she didn't know where she was and said she never said anything at the coffee shop. Lindsey pretended to sob and kept saying shes gone. ''ok wait i'm getting a text. maybe it's her'' destiny insitied but instead she hung up cause she was no help. Lindsey got a text message from Ashley asking where she was. '' in t-he all-ey''

oh no here comes the idiots that have gone to jail before. they hurt people and sometimes really hurt. almost like death.

 
Ah that's a little better. The grammer could still do with some work though but if you get it published the editors will take care of that, it's the story that counts and the stories good.

 

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