I honestly enjoy the story so far. The story is a wonderfully fresh take on the beginning of a Tamagotchi story; instead of instantly diving into the Tamagotchi aspect of the story, you pull the readers in with a heated LaserQuest battle.
I see many fanfictions use the typical S-V sentence structure; however, this fanfiction reverses and varies sentence order, making for an interesting read.
The fanfiction is excellent overall, but could use a little tweaking here and there to straighten out any kinks.
"This was LaserQuest: a place for laser-tag that people
seamed to love." <- sure you didn't mean it, but had to point it out.
"Waiting for it to hatch, she went to throw out the extra packaging- but little did she know that with the packaging was the instructions. It was stuffed between two sheets of cardboard." <- You could write the sentence 'it was stuffed between two sheets of cardboard' into the first sentence. It would look like this: "Waiting for it to hatch, she went to throw out the extra packaging. Little did she know, however, that with the packaging was the instructions, stuffed between two knobbly sheets of cardboard." ...or something like that.
There's other stuff, but I'm too lazy to post it. Keep on writing!
