FKOD
Well-known member
Ch. 1- This is Why I Hate Wednesdays
Ch. 2- Beware the Wizard Mafia
“It keeps demanding cake from me!” said the panicked voice from Piter’s headset.
“Did you give it cake?” asked Piter.
“Yeah, but it wants more!”
“Did you try restarting?”
“It won’t let me! It’s vicious. I can’t unplug it either… because it’s already unplugged! It’s using its cord as a—Ow!”
Piter paused for a moment.
“I don’t think that’s even possible,” said Piter as he absentmindedly tapped a pen against his desk.
“B-but it’s really happening! I’m not even joking!”
“Okay… have you tried any vocal commands?”
“It won’t listen.”
“Okay, there’s a vocal override you can use to reset the computer. Say, “Giblet waltz.”
After a short pause, the voice squeaked out a feeble, “What?”
“Well, it had to be something not used in everyday conversation. Just try it.”
“Um, okay. Giblet waltz. Oh, thank goodness, it worked. Thank you so much.”
“No problem.”
The client hung up, and Piter leaned back in his chair. Piter worked at Mametchi Industries, the only company which still produced various goods which had faces. About forty years ago, most everything had a face and was able to talk, or at least gurgle and squeak. Houses, street lamps, cars, and many other things were able to carry on a conversation with anyone. Times had changed though, and as Tamagotchis became more concerned with privacy, things with faces became less popular. Mametchi Industries, however, still made things with faces, which were quite popular with those who liked the nostalgia and novelty of carrying on an intellectual conversation with their refrigerator.
And when the refrigerator, the clock, the microwave, or anything else decides to rebel, that’s where Piter and the others in the technical support department come in. They had an open office space with about twenty people. Each employee had their desk space, and Piter’s desk was covered in sticky-notes with doodles. A few newer sticky-notes had depictions of wizards.
Harrison, a Kuchipatchi who sat next to Piter, tapped on Piter’s shoulder and asked, “Hey, Piter, did the person calling you say his appliance went psycho on him?”
“Yeah, it was his computer.”
“Huh. Well, I was just talking to someone whose toaster tried to toast them. And Gregory said about an hour ago someone was complaining about their ceiling lamp going haywire. I think some of the others mentioned similar stuff, where only the vocal override could get their stuff working again. Weird, huh?”
“Yeah. But you know what’s really weird? You know how the Tama-Mart burned down?”
“Oh man, I saw it on the news. Good thing the building wasn’t sentient, that would have been terrible. Didn’t some weirdoes in robes do it?”
“Wizards, yeah.”
“Don’t be silly. There’s no such thing as wizards.”
“I was there. This one guy made fire in his hands and threatened to kill me! He said it was ‘Just business.’ Isn’t that just bizarre?”
“Really? It’s not like you to spout crap like that. Well, I guess it is, but at least you usually spout believable crap.”
“Hey, I was there! I saw the place come down!”
“Huh. There’s been some strange stuff going down lately, let me tell ya. I guess it’s not impossible, but I gotta see it to believe it.”
“Always the skeptical one, huh? Oh, crap, got a call,” said Piter, pressing a button on his headset.
“Hello? Is this Piter?” said a business-like female voice.
“Uh… yeah? How did you know my name?”
“Ah, good, I got it right this time. Now, I don’t have much time to explain, but I need you to meet me at Ichigotchi’s Diner tonight at seven.”
“What? Are… are you asking me out on a date?”
Harrison gave Piter a funny look.
“No. I have important business to discuss with you. Unless, of course, you’d prefer to be burned alive by wizards instead.”
“How is meeting you going to help me with the wizard mafia?”
“You’ll see.”
She hung up. Harrison gave Piter another look.
“Wizard mafia?”
“That’s what I call them, yeah.”
“You’re an odd man, Piter.”
Later, when Piter arrived home, he saw Chance sitting on the couch, with his legs propped up on the coffee table. He was watching some reality show that Piter didn’t care about. Then again, judging by Chance’s blank gaze, it was hard to say whether or not he was particularly concerned with the events of the show either.
“Ah, making good use of your free time, I see,” said Piter, sitting down next to him.
“Yup. So, how was work?”
“Well, everyone’s appliances and electronics are trying to go on psychotic rampages, and a strange woman called me up and asked me to go meet her at Ichigotchi’s Diner tonight.”
“Ooh, you got a date?”
“She said it wasn’t a date. She wanted to talk about the wizard mafia.”
“Oh. Well, in that case, can I go with?”
“I’m not going.”
“What? Why?”
“Well, considering she contacted me through tech support and knew my first name… that really strikes me as suspicious. She could be like a wizard or something.”
“Oh please. You know that girls have to be witches instead.”
“Does that make her any less dangerous?”
“Not really, she could still turn you into a newt or a toad.”
“Maybe if I get turned into a newt the wizards won’t want to kill me anymore.”
“Piter, I think that being a newt would stink.”
“Dying would stink too.”
“Hmm… well, maybe you should go. She might be cute.”
“She does seem to know something… but I don’t know, what if it’s a trap or something?”
“Piter, if anything happens, I’ll protect you. I’m like the Secret Service to your president.”
“So if she fires a newt spell at me, you’ll boldly jump in front of it?”
“Yup.”
“I’m still not sure.”
“Come on! She could be helpful! And maybe even a hottie!”
“You’re going to keep bugging me until I agree, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.”
Piter sighed. Something told him that with all the strange occurences and wizard attacks, this meeting would end horribly.
Ch. 2- Beware the Wizard Mafia
“It keeps demanding cake from me!” said the panicked voice from Piter’s headset.
“Did you give it cake?” asked Piter.
“Yeah, but it wants more!”
“Did you try restarting?”
“It won’t let me! It’s vicious. I can’t unplug it either… because it’s already unplugged! It’s using its cord as a—Ow!”
Piter paused for a moment.
“I don’t think that’s even possible,” said Piter as he absentmindedly tapped a pen against his desk.
“B-but it’s really happening! I’m not even joking!”
“Okay… have you tried any vocal commands?”
“It won’t listen.”
“Okay, there’s a vocal override you can use to reset the computer. Say, “Giblet waltz.”
After a short pause, the voice squeaked out a feeble, “What?”
“Well, it had to be something not used in everyday conversation. Just try it.”
“Um, okay. Giblet waltz. Oh, thank goodness, it worked. Thank you so much.”
“No problem.”
The client hung up, and Piter leaned back in his chair. Piter worked at Mametchi Industries, the only company which still produced various goods which had faces. About forty years ago, most everything had a face and was able to talk, or at least gurgle and squeak. Houses, street lamps, cars, and many other things were able to carry on a conversation with anyone. Times had changed though, and as Tamagotchis became more concerned with privacy, things with faces became less popular. Mametchi Industries, however, still made things with faces, which were quite popular with those who liked the nostalgia and novelty of carrying on an intellectual conversation with their refrigerator.
And when the refrigerator, the clock, the microwave, or anything else decides to rebel, that’s where Piter and the others in the technical support department come in. They had an open office space with about twenty people. Each employee had their desk space, and Piter’s desk was covered in sticky-notes with doodles. A few newer sticky-notes had depictions of wizards.
Harrison, a Kuchipatchi who sat next to Piter, tapped on Piter’s shoulder and asked, “Hey, Piter, did the person calling you say his appliance went psycho on him?”
“Yeah, it was his computer.”
“Huh. Well, I was just talking to someone whose toaster tried to toast them. And Gregory said about an hour ago someone was complaining about their ceiling lamp going haywire. I think some of the others mentioned similar stuff, where only the vocal override could get their stuff working again. Weird, huh?”
“Yeah. But you know what’s really weird? You know how the Tama-Mart burned down?”
“Oh man, I saw it on the news. Good thing the building wasn’t sentient, that would have been terrible. Didn’t some weirdoes in robes do it?”
“Wizards, yeah.”
“Don’t be silly. There’s no such thing as wizards.”
“I was there. This one guy made fire in his hands and threatened to kill me! He said it was ‘Just business.’ Isn’t that just bizarre?”
“Really? It’s not like you to spout crap like that. Well, I guess it is, but at least you usually spout believable crap.”
“Hey, I was there! I saw the place come down!”
“Huh. There’s been some strange stuff going down lately, let me tell ya. I guess it’s not impossible, but I gotta see it to believe it.”
“Always the skeptical one, huh? Oh, crap, got a call,” said Piter, pressing a button on his headset.
“Hello? Is this Piter?” said a business-like female voice.
“Uh… yeah? How did you know my name?”
“Ah, good, I got it right this time. Now, I don’t have much time to explain, but I need you to meet me at Ichigotchi’s Diner tonight at seven.”
“What? Are… are you asking me out on a date?”
Harrison gave Piter a funny look.
“No. I have important business to discuss with you. Unless, of course, you’d prefer to be burned alive by wizards instead.”
“How is meeting you going to help me with the wizard mafia?”
“You’ll see.”
She hung up. Harrison gave Piter another look.
“Wizard mafia?”
“That’s what I call them, yeah.”
“You’re an odd man, Piter.”
Later, when Piter arrived home, he saw Chance sitting on the couch, with his legs propped up on the coffee table. He was watching some reality show that Piter didn’t care about. Then again, judging by Chance’s blank gaze, it was hard to say whether or not he was particularly concerned with the events of the show either.
“Ah, making good use of your free time, I see,” said Piter, sitting down next to him.
“Yup. So, how was work?”
“Well, everyone’s appliances and electronics are trying to go on psychotic rampages, and a strange woman called me up and asked me to go meet her at Ichigotchi’s Diner tonight.”
“Ooh, you got a date?”
“She said it wasn’t a date. She wanted to talk about the wizard mafia.”
“Oh. Well, in that case, can I go with?”
“I’m not going.”
“What? Why?”
“Well, considering she contacted me through tech support and knew my first name… that really strikes me as suspicious. She could be like a wizard or something.”
“Oh please. You know that girls have to be witches instead.”
“Does that make her any less dangerous?”
“Not really, she could still turn you into a newt or a toad.”
“Maybe if I get turned into a newt the wizards won’t want to kill me anymore.”
“Piter, I think that being a newt would stink.”
“Dying would stink too.”
“Hmm… well, maybe you should go. She might be cute.”
“She does seem to know something… but I don’t know, what if it’s a trap or something?”
“Piter, if anything happens, I’ll protect you. I’m like the Secret Service to your president.”
“So if she fires a newt spell at me, you’ll boldly jump in front of it?”
“Yup.”
“I’m still not sure.”
“Come on! She could be helpful! And maybe even a hottie!”
“You’re going to keep bugging me until I agree, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.”
Piter sighed. Something told him that with all the strange occurences and wizard attacks, this meeting would end horribly.
