Should I tell?

[SonicBlades]

My little brothers just got home from the dentist and one of them (Joey) told me their dad (my stepdad) was being very rude to them while he drove them there. Joey said he was driving about 10 miles over the speed limit and was "jerking the car around" while yelling at them.

He basically told them they're losers and will grow up to be poor no matter what they do. He said he was going to make them quit their art classes at school because he thinks art is for losers even though both of my brothers love art. He then said some rude things about me because I still live at home, and said my mom should have kicked me out of the house the moment I turned 18. He then told my brothers if they told anyone the things he said to them they'd "regret it for the rest of their lives."

Joey felt safe telling me but he made me promise not to tell our mom what my stepdad said and was doing. I now feel like I shouldn't have promised that. No parent should talk to their children like that, and the way Joey said he was driving is just dangerous. I told Joey he should tell our mom himself, but he said he didn't want to because that will just make his dad angry if he finds out which will only make things worse. To me, this is bullying. It wouldn't be right for some kid at school to say these things to them. Why should it be okay for a parent to?

 

[oddsandendswithlove]

as a parent, this is something that i know your mother would need to know for your brothers safety, this step father seems unstable and this poses a concern. I know your brother asked you not to tell but in this situation hun the safety of your family is most important. you can explain to your mother that your brother didnt want you to tell that way she can pretend that she found out else where. but please tell ehr because this is very important!

 

[triforceman]

I would tell like dang thats kinda scary.

 

[Amat Gotchi]

I would tell your mother as well, telling the story just as you did here, mention that your brother said he didn't want to tell her. If your mother is aware of it she can deal with your stepfather and your brothers will hopefully be safe from what he does afterward.

And mention to your brother that if your stepfather ever does something like that again, he needs to tell your mother (preferably) or tell you. What your stepfather did is totally not ok and no kid should have to deal with parents who do that.

 

[SailorRosette]

I think you need to get your brother over to your home to "stay the night" That way, you can have your brother tell your mom their self since she will likely have questions. The stay the night will give plenty of time to discuss, processing and allow a discision to be made about this.

 

[x.//StoryTeller//.x]

Um, that's abuse right there. Saying that they're losers and will be poor no matter what? Yelling in the car and saying rude things? Joey being scared to tell mom because "he'll find out" and it'll get worse? That's emotional abuse. And if any of y'all wanna say it isn't and he's just being mean, I'll have you know that i speak from a lifetime experience as an abused child. So yeah I kinda sorta know this stuff.

Definitely, definitely have a talk with mom and Joey. Sit down to talk about it. Make sure you're there with Joey because he definitely is going to be scared to tell but since he trusted you enough to tell you, he probably will feel safer. And honestly if it escalates at all or you feel that where it is at this point could be mentally scarring, report it to athorities. Abuse lasts a lifetime even if it's no longer going on. But if you notice the signs early, it might not affect the mentality as much as others.

 

[SonicBlades]

I think you need to get your brother over to your home to "stay the night" That way, you can have your brother tell your mom their self since she will likely have questions. The stay the night will give plenty of time to discuss, processing and allow a discision to be made about this.

Unfortunately I still live with him and my mom.

This isn't the first time he's done something like this, and he's done it to me too. Whenever our mom isn't around he'll insult us and yell at us, sometimes clear outta the blue. We used to always tell my mom about it which would lead to her and my stepdad getting into a fight. This is the first time Joey didn't want our mom to know, but I'm pretty sure this is the first time a threat has been involved.

The thing about my stepdad is that he thinks he's perfect and everything he likes is perfect. If you like something else, he'll insult it and put you down for liking it. He tries to force my brothers to be like him. He knows how to fix cars and other "man" things, and if they don't do those things to he calls them names. He also hates technology (mostly because he refuses to learn how to use anything more advance than a 90's cellphone) and insults everyone in the family for using computers or playing video games.

My mom has told me several times she'd leave him if she could but money is way too tight to afford divorce fees, along with many other complications our family is going through right now. It feels like he's almost purposely trying to make life harder for everyone, knowing we can't get out of the situation.

 

[TamaMum]

I think it is great that so many members have posted replies to try to help you solve your dilema.

Whilst it is good to check things out with friends, we are just random people with no background knowledge or experience of your family situation and no professional qualifications to help you.

If you are concerned about your brothers' safety, talk to a professional - your doctor? your pastor/priest? or if you don't have access to that kind of help, you can contact a professional Child Help organisation: https://www.childhelplineinternational.org/where-we-work/

This will give you links to organisations in your own country or locale who you can talk it through with - as a first step.

Later, maybe your brother could go online with these professionals and explain what is happening.

So.. whilst our intentions are really good, we might (accidentally) suggest you do something that could put you or your step brothers in danger.

Please, I really recommend that you get help from ppl who can gather all the facts and make an informed judgement about what advice they should give you (it could even be a suggestion as to the best way to let your mother know what is going on without your step father knowing, so it may be helpful to her too).

 

[SailorRosette]

If you live together, maybe go for a long walk with them. Its important to tell your mom what is going on. Its possible she already knows, but getting it out in the open might help the tension of holding it in.

She doesn't have to have a divorce to move out. Has she considered getting a restraint or protection order for you guys? If he comes within the distance or closer, he can be arrested. I believe that is how it works... It creates a file for him and you guys will be protected by the law.

 

[SonicBlades]

Thanks for all of the advice, everyone. I decided to tell her this morning and she found a way to confront my stepdad about it without letting on that anyone told her anything. Of course, he didn't admit to the threat or any of the insults. The two of them had a long talk and he seems like he's going to stop acting like such a jerk, for now at least.

We may actually be moving out sometime early next year. My grandpa passed away in April and left my mom his house. We haven't moved in yet because it needs some work done, but she said that if my stepdad keeps acting this way he won't be going there with us. Hopefully we do move out away from him because I highly doubt he'll ever change. In my experience, jerks stay jerks forever.