Cinderpelt
Well-known member
Well, there's a lot that's bothering me right now, that I need to get off my chest.
So, I'm warning you - be prepared for a long post. I doubt that many people will actually take time to read the whole thing. And that's okay. Any support, comments, advice, or response is appriciated.
I honestly think that I am beginning to have some anxiety issues, especially in the athletics department. So I'm going to get all that is stressing/freaking me out in relation to track. (And, for anyone who asks, I'm currently participating in INDOOR track. Yes, I know it's winter.)
I just get... terrified before meets. Mortified. Scared stiff.
When I was a sprinter (I'm now a jumper.), I'd even get this way before practice. 7th period (And sometimes even 6th), I'd get really, really nervous. Scared.
When I'd run, I'd start to panic. I'd hyperventilate. My eyes would start tearing up, and I'd have to fight them back so I didn't start bawling. And I wasn't good at it, either.
Then I switched to jumping, which helped a lot. We don't run near as much, and there aren't a bunch of super-duper-competitive guy jumpers. It's much more relaxed, and I'm actually starting to get good at it - and really enjoy it.
In indoor track, it was advertised as conditioning for the (much more competitive) outdoor season. All practices and meets were optional.
I was so terrified of meets originally, I wasn't planning on participating any. Maybe one, if I felt up to it.
Then I found out that we were EXPECTED to go to the meets.
I went to my first meet about two weeks ago. I was long jumping. Before my event was up, I actually start crying - near hysterical sobs - because I was so scared.
When I started going, it was alright. Did I do good? No, not really even good. But I figured it out. It was my first meet, and things could only improve. I knew what was going on now, and I knew I wouldn't be so terrified next time.
There is another meet this coming Friday. I was kind of excited - I got new long/triple jump spikes. I knew what was coming, and I could prepare for it. Things could only get better, right?
BUT. Then I found out that there is no long jump at this meet. Just high and triple jump. Since I don't high jump (Which is VERY different from long and triple.), I thought that I'd give the triple a shot. An upperclassman said that I should try triple on for size.
I've done triple a few times during practice. Am I good at it? Once again, no. But I just keep telling myself it's my first season. And I'm a freshman. I can, and will, improve.
So I signed up for triple jump.
But then I heard one of the BEST jumpers on the team (Another freshman, but she's like, a freaking prodigy or something. She places in the high and long jump, EVERY TIME.) asking Coach if she could triple jump at a different (Ooo, and exclusive~!) meet on Saturday (One that I'm not going to, haha.). He told her no. She was like, "What? C'mon! I'm not as bad as you think I am! I promise! I jumped like, 30 feet last year!" (She did Junior High track? Me, nope.) Coach was like, "We want to make sure you have it down pat before we send you out there."
I was like, craaaap. MY Coach doesn't really know that I'm planning on triple jumping Friday. I just told the head-sign-up coach that I was triple jumping. I don't know how to triple jump really. I'm not good at it. I'm not practiced up at it. I guarantee that the little jumping prodigy I just mentioned would kick my butt at the triple jump. And Coach won't even let HER jump it. So why would he let me?
Still didn't talk to him about this. Whoops.
And when I signed up for triple jump, and was talking to THAT coach, he was like, "Okay, you'll also run the 4 x 4." I was like WHAT? COME AGAIN~?! I quite SPRINTING because I hate RUNNING. So you want me to RUN at a MEET? o:
Of course I didn't say that. I just nodded.
A 4 x 4 is a relay. Which sucks already, because that means if I suck, that doesn't just damage ME. No, I get to bring another three people down with me. Fantastic.
AND I have to pass a freaking baton! I don't know how to do that! I've never touched a baton in my life. And knowing me, I'll drop it and get us all disqualified.
AND that's a 400 meter per person race. For ME, 400 meters is a pretty long race. My friend ran a 400 last meet. She looked like death when she came off. And, for a 400, I SHOULD run it in 70 - 75 seconds. That ain't happenin', folks!
So, now I am FREAKING OUT about Friday. Worse than I would a normal meet. I mean, two events, in which I have no freaking idea what I'm doing. Wtf. I'm scared stiff. That's all I can worry about, all I can think about. I'm not even freaking out about the dance on Saturday anymore. That seems like a very, very small matter compared to the meet.
I've already cried over it, and I found out less than three hours ago what events I'm competing in Friday. I've already had a slight (Or near) panic attack over it. I start hyperventiliating just thinking about it.
The worst part is, I DO know how to put things into perspective. It just DOESN'T HELP ME.
I mean, it's INDOOR track. To help you learn and build for outdoor, where things are super competitve. So, if I mess up, it shouldn't be a big deal, right? These meets aren't even real, I guess you could say. They don't really count for anything. It's just for people to practice, try stuff out, see where they stand compared to other school districts.
And it's one measly little track meet. In the whole big scheme of life, what does it matter? When I'm 30, married, and have a family, what is one little freshman high school track meet going to matter to me? I probably won't even remember it.
And I am capable of triple jumping, running 400 meters without dropping a stick. And besides, I can LEARN from my mistakes or my victories, no matter how things turn out.
But that still doesn't really help me. Maybe for a few hours, yes. But in the long run? No. I'll end up crying myself to sleep tonight over this, and probably that will happen until the meet. It will be a dark storm cloud, lingering over my head. I will be dreading Friday. And who on the planet ever dreads FRIDAYS?
Well, WHY DON'T YOU JUST QUIT TRACK?
Outstanding question.
Well, I won't let myself quit. I already opted out of sprinting and started jumping, telling myself that sprinting just, "wasn't for me," and that jumping may be what I'm looking for in a sport. THAT was even tough to get past me. I'll never, ever forgive myself if I quit.
If I quit, what will my coaches think of me? It will be even lower that what they probably already think of me. I'll be labeled a quitter.
And, I have to prove my dad wrong. He doesn't think that I can do it. He says that this is all just, "short lived," and that it won't last. He's banking on me giving up. He thinks I'm too short (I'm 5'1), and not physically determined enough. Well, NEWS FLASH. There are TONS of short jumpers~! This one girl, she's also 5'1. And she can JUMP man. So it doesn't matter how tall you are really. It's how STRONG you are that matters, Dad. And he thinks that if you aren't THE BEST at a sport, than you shouldn't even be doing it at all.
And I mean, I get along well with my dad. He never said these things to my face - he told my mom this, and my mom, being very upfront about EVERYTHING, told me.
I also have new jumping shoes. Sports equitment is not cheap people. I don't want my parent's money to go to waste.
And, I DO enjoy track. The practices are improving for me, and I don't mind going so much. I love feeling strong and healthy after practice. I love feeling like I did something worthwhile with my time.
But I still can't shake the anxiety it sometimes gives me. And, looking back, I've gotten anxiety from other sports, too. I used to play softball. ANYTIME, before I went up to bat I'd have a near panic attack. I remember being really scared. I remember getting this way before I played an in field position, too. Until I became a regular starter. Then, things became okay.
So... I'm not sure how bad this is. Is it really anxiety? Or is it just regular anxiousness that comes along with sports?
I'm hoping that as indoor season comes to a close and outdoor seasons starts up, I'll get better with this. Maybe I won't get so completely terrified before every meet, before practice. Maybe things will get better in the future.
So... just whatever information you could give me. Advice, responses, commentary, personal experiences with these types of situations... whatever you can give me.
Oh, and I think I have a small bit of social anxiety. It's not NEAR this bad, but it shows up from time to time. Otherwise, I don't think I have an anxiety problem. I've NEVER gotten test anxiety in the my life.
So am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? Is this real anxiety, or is it something that's all in my head?
It feels good getting this all off my chest.
Thank you in advance, for anything and everything.
So, I'm warning you - be prepared for a long post. I doubt that many people will actually take time to read the whole thing. And that's okay. Any support, comments, advice, or response is appriciated.
I honestly think that I am beginning to have some anxiety issues, especially in the athletics department. So I'm going to get all that is stressing/freaking me out in relation to track. (And, for anyone who asks, I'm currently participating in INDOOR track. Yes, I know it's winter.)
I just get... terrified before meets. Mortified. Scared stiff.
When I was a sprinter (I'm now a jumper.), I'd even get this way before practice. 7th period (And sometimes even 6th), I'd get really, really nervous. Scared.
When I'd run, I'd start to panic. I'd hyperventilate. My eyes would start tearing up, and I'd have to fight them back so I didn't start bawling. And I wasn't good at it, either.
Then I switched to jumping, which helped a lot. We don't run near as much, and there aren't a bunch of super-duper-competitive guy jumpers. It's much more relaxed, and I'm actually starting to get good at it - and really enjoy it.
In indoor track, it was advertised as conditioning for the (much more competitive) outdoor season. All practices and meets were optional.
I was so terrified of meets originally, I wasn't planning on participating any. Maybe one, if I felt up to it.
Then I found out that we were EXPECTED to go to the meets.
I went to my first meet about two weeks ago. I was long jumping. Before my event was up, I actually start crying - near hysterical sobs - because I was so scared.
When I started going, it was alright. Did I do good? No, not really even good. But I figured it out. It was my first meet, and things could only improve. I knew what was going on now, and I knew I wouldn't be so terrified next time.
There is another meet this coming Friday. I was kind of excited - I got new long/triple jump spikes. I knew what was coming, and I could prepare for it. Things could only get better, right?
BUT. Then I found out that there is no long jump at this meet. Just high and triple jump. Since I don't high jump (Which is VERY different from long and triple.), I thought that I'd give the triple a shot. An upperclassman said that I should try triple on for size.
I've done triple a few times during practice. Am I good at it? Once again, no. But I just keep telling myself it's my first season. And I'm a freshman. I can, and will, improve.
So I signed up for triple jump.
But then I heard one of the BEST jumpers on the team (Another freshman, but she's like, a freaking prodigy or something. She places in the high and long jump, EVERY TIME.) asking Coach if she could triple jump at a different (Ooo, and exclusive~!) meet on Saturday (One that I'm not going to, haha.). He told her no. She was like, "What? C'mon! I'm not as bad as you think I am! I promise! I jumped like, 30 feet last year!" (She did Junior High track? Me, nope.) Coach was like, "We want to make sure you have it down pat before we send you out there."
I was like, craaaap. MY Coach doesn't really know that I'm planning on triple jumping Friday. I just told the head-sign-up coach that I was triple jumping. I don't know how to triple jump really. I'm not good at it. I'm not practiced up at it. I guarantee that the little jumping prodigy I just mentioned would kick my butt at the triple jump. And Coach won't even let HER jump it. So why would he let me?
Still didn't talk to him about this. Whoops.
And when I signed up for triple jump, and was talking to THAT coach, he was like, "Okay, you'll also run the 4 x 4." I was like WHAT? COME AGAIN~?! I quite SPRINTING because I hate RUNNING. So you want me to RUN at a MEET? o:
Of course I didn't say that. I just nodded.
A 4 x 4 is a relay. Which sucks already, because that means if I suck, that doesn't just damage ME. No, I get to bring another three people down with me. Fantastic.
AND I have to pass a freaking baton! I don't know how to do that! I've never touched a baton in my life. And knowing me, I'll drop it and get us all disqualified.
AND that's a 400 meter per person race. For ME, 400 meters is a pretty long race. My friend ran a 400 last meet. She looked like death when she came off. And, for a 400, I SHOULD run it in 70 - 75 seconds. That ain't happenin', folks!
So, now I am FREAKING OUT about Friday. Worse than I would a normal meet. I mean, two events, in which I have no freaking idea what I'm doing. Wtf. I'm scared stiff. That's all I can worry about, all I can think about. I'm not even freaking out about the dance on Saturday anymore. That seems like a very, very small matter compared to the meet.
I've already cried over it, and I found out less than three hours ago what events I'm competing in Friday. I've already had a slight (Or near) panic attack over it. I start hyperventiliating just thinking about it.
The worst part is, I DO know how to put things into perspective. It just DOESN'T HELP ME.
I mean, it's INDOOR track. To help you learn and build for outdoor, where things are super competitve. So, if I mess up, it shouldn't be a big deal, right? These meets aren't even real, I guess you could say. They don't really count for anything. It's just for people to practice, try stuff out, see where they stand compared to other school districts.
And it's one measly little track meet. In the whole big scheme of life, what does it matter? When I'm 30, married, and have a family, what is one little freshman high school track meet going to matter to me? I probably won't even remember it.
And I am capable of triple jumping, running 400 meters without dropping a stick. And besides, I can LEARN from my mistakes or my victories, no matter how things turn out.
But that still doesn't really help me. Maybe for a few hours, yes. But in the long run? No. I'll end up crying myself to sleep tonight over this, and probably that will happen until the meet. It will be a dark storm cloud, lingering over my head. I will be dreading Friday. And who on the planet ever dreads FRIDAYS?
Well, WHY DON'T YOU JUST QUIT TRACK?
Outstanding question.
Well, I won't let myself quit. I already opted out of sprinting and started jumping, telling myself that sprinting just, "wasn't for me," and that jumping may be what I'm looking for in a sport. THAT was even tough to get past me. I'll never, ever forgive myself if I quit.
If I quit, what will my coaches think of me? It will be even lower that what they probably already think of me. I'll be labeled a quitter.
And, I have to prove my dad wrong. He doesn't think that I can do it. He says that this is all just, "short lived," and that it won't last. He's banking on me giving up. He thinks I'm too short (I'm 5'1), and not physically determined enough. Well, NEWS FLASH. There are TONS of short jumpers~! This one girl, she's also 5'1. And she can JUMP man. So it doesn't matter how tall you are really. It's how STRONG you are that matters, Dad. And he thinks that if you aren't THE BEST at a sport, than you shouldn't even be doing it at all.
And I mean, I get along well with my dad. He never said these things to my face - he told my mom this, and my mom, being very upfront about EVERYTHING, told me.
I also have new jumping shoes. Sports equitment is not cheap people. I don't want my parent's money to go to waste.
And, I DO enjoy track. The practices are improving for me, and I don't mind going so much. I love feeling strong and healthy after practice. I love feeling like I did something worthwhile with my time.
But I still can't shake the anxiety it sometimes gives me. And, looking back, I've gotten anxiety from other sports, too. I used to play softball. ANYTIME, before I went up to bat I'd have a near panic attack. I remember being really scared. I remember getting this way before I played an in field position, too. Until I became a regular starter. Then, things became okay.
So... I'm not sure how bad this is. Is it really anxiety? Or is it just regular anxiousness that comes along with sports?
I'm hoping that as indoor season comes to a close and outdoor seasons starts up, I'll get better with this. Maybe I won't get so completely terrified before every meet, before practice. Maybe things will get better in the future.
So... just whatever information you could give me. Advice, responses, commentary, personal experiences with these types of situations... whatever you can give me.
Oh, and I think I have a small bit of social anxiety. It's not NEAR this bad, but it shows up from time to time. Otherwise, I don't think I have an anxiety problem. I've NEVER gotten test anxiety in the my life.
So am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? Is this real anxiety, or is it something that's all in my head?
It feels good getting this all off my chest.
Thank you in advance, for anything and everything.
)
