Story Prologue

[~»tamagirl101«~]

Here is a prologue of a story that I wrote in English class. I would like to know if I should expand on my idea or lose it altogether:

He sat in the bleak light of the crowded bus. His head was spinning from the events of the past. The other poeple were loudly talking and cussing at each other. He pressed his head against the foggy window and stared out at the landscape, or at what the dimness of dusk would let him see. Lonliness stuck in his heart and sorrow filled his mind. Nothing would ever be the same again. The lights of the bus dimmed, and all that he could see was an eery glow coming from the front of the bus. It was too dark to see the tears falling down his face. He tried so hard to forget all he had seen and heard from last night, but since he had nothing else on his mind, he remebered everything in spite of himself. The blood curdling screams that seemed to creep from behind and shake out his name in a mere echoing whisper, penetrating his mind like an iron fist in a convulsing pulse, and the ghostly silence that followed, tearing at his soul with the frozen, hideous grin that is known only by the name of death. These sounds would haunt him for the rest of his life. His family was gone, and it was all his fault. He knew it.

 

[mimitchi&hanatchilover]

Cool! Keep going! ^_^

 

[Korium_Zipper]

Two words: TOO. SHORT. If that is meant to be a chapter, then I am seriously let down. Honestly, a chapter should be at the LEAST a thousand or so words! What is that, 70, 100 words? Although there are some altogether enraging typos in there, I'd say the style is a head above the rest, at least. If you can make it longer, then I'd be a fair bit more satisfied. Seriously, though. Too short.

Another thing to note would probably be the blatant pathos in there. Seriously, that thing has wrist-slitting amounts of angst.

 

[Tacgnol]

Why are most stories I see are about angst?

Anyway, try to make it longer.

 

[mimitchi&hanatchilover]

That's why it's called a PROLOGUE and not a CHAPTER.

 

[Xima]

That's why it's called a PROLOGUE and not a CHAPTER.

A prologue is an "opening". Something that happens before the actual story. In other words, it's a chapter in and of itself. I've seen prologues in excess of 20,000 words. There is no actual relation between chapters and prologues. A chapter IS a prologue. There is no actual relation, both being in different niches. A chapter is a chunk of reading that cuts off at some point, cutting the story into smaller, manageable chunks. A prologue, I reiterate, is something that happens before the actual beginning of the story.

 

[Medicham12]

Here is a prologue of a story that I wrote in English class. I would like to know if I should expand on my idea or lose it altogether:
He sat in the bleak light of the crowded bus. His head was spinning from the events of the past. The other poeple were loudly talking and cussing at each other. He pressed his head against the foggy window and stared out at the landscape, or at what the dimness of dusk would let him see. Lonliness stuck in his heart and sorrow filled his mind. Nothing would ever be the same again. The lights of the bus dimmed, and all that he could see was an eery glow coming from the front of the bus. It was too dark to see the tears falling down his face. He tried so hard to forget all he had seen and heard from last night, but since he had nothing else on his mind, he remebered everything in spite of himself. The blood curdling screams that seemed to creep from behind and shake out his name in a mere echoing whisper, penetrating his mind like an iron fist in a convulsing pulse, and the ghostly silence that followed, tearing at his soul with the frozen, hideous grin that is known only by the name of death. These sounds would haunt him for the rest of his life. His family was gone, and it was all his fault. He knew it.

It be awsome! Whats his name? Bob?

 

[blue♣slip]

psh. forget know-it-all skeptics. i like it.

 

[~»tamagirl101«~]

Ouch. I get it, I won't continue...

btw, as mimitchi&hanatchilover pointed out, it is a PROLOGUE!!! It's supposed to be short!! If it were a chapter, I would have SAID SO!

And if there are typos, please point them out. The point of me posting this is for others to help improve my stuff... and I didn't see any...

 

[tamtamkitty07]

Two words: TOO. SHORT. If that is meant to be a chapter, then I am seriously let down. Honestly, a chapter should be at the LEAST a thousand or so words! What is that, 70, 100 words? Although there are some altogether enraging typos in there, I'd say the style is a head above the rest, at least. If you can make it longer, then I'd be a fair bit more satisfied. Seriously, though. Too short.
Another thing to note would probably be the blatant pathos in there. Seriously, that thing has wrist-slitting amounts of angst.

It's not quantity, it's quality.

NEVER judge something on how long it is, that's just being arrogant.

 

[Self:.:Pity]

btw, its 227 or something words.

Its okay. I'm not impressed. Its not that its to short, but the sentences are short and choppy, which gets on my nerves a bit. Your sentences need to be constructed better; either combine two into a working sentence or work on improving one you cant.

As pointed out before, way to much angst in one paragraph. its a common subject these days anyways, and improper use of it really gets on my nerves. If theres going to be angst, spread it out, or mask it.

for the character development, before you write anything else, I suggest you take this and answer truthfully, because if you dont your only lying to yourself.