This just isn't home

[Goggle-Face]

...

Off a cliff?

Where the hell was this talent show?

 

[user 189013]

^Said it right there.

First of all, how big is the cliff?

Is it big and steep, and a hella long way down if you fall?

Or is is more like a hill?

Right now, I'm imagining that it was a deep and steep cliff.

But if that were to be it, Sarah would have far more than a broken arm.

But no, that's not the case. So it must have been a small cliff.

Mention sizes. A lot of people will question this.

Compare the cliff. Is it a small hill, or a big steep hill? Or bigger?

If I confused you, I'm sorry.

I just can't find a non-offensive way to word this that makes much sense.

 

[TAMAGIRL2008]

It's a really good story! I like how things happen when you don't actually realise and think they are.

But yes, Punctuation is a thing that could be improved but hey, everyone has room for improvement.

 

[sarah8]

I'm sorry guys, but one of these moderators have deleted Chapter 13 after I spent about 2 hours on it, what a nuisance, so this chapter won't make sense, although I've tried re-writing it so it will make more sense. The other chapter, 13, I'm not re-writing, because I can't be bothered, and don't you DARE complain, because I spent all morning writing this and if you comment, you should show how much you care for my time being wasted, maybe offer me something to cheer me up, anything. I want this for my mood-booster.

CHAPTER 14-Happy birthday to you

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

I woke up to see my parents and little sister with a huge birthday cake with 13 pink candles. I can't believe it. My birthday, already? I'd lost track of time, what with the stress of Manchester and that. Now, I was back at home, in London which I was happy in. It was home. But again, Manchester was home.

"A teenager already!" says Dad. "My little girl is growing up!"

"Hey, hey," Mum said. "Happy birthday, my darling. Want some cake now"

"Yes please," I say, and my mum cuts up some birthday cake for me and my little sister. It was so tasty.

When I got downstairs, I opened my presents. My nan had given me some needlework which I didn't think I'd ever use in my entire life, but I pretended to be pleased anyway. My mum did better, she gave me a shiny, cool mobile phone. I loved it! And I was so glad she actually listened to me.

Katie, my auntie, gave me a really fashionable outfit. It was so cool, Katie's got an awesome fashion sense, and is a lot richer than me, so she gets better stuff than me. I raced to put it on.

"Hmm....." Dad said. "I'm not so sure. I mean, stylish black boots and a really short skirt and crop top?"

"It's summer, Bob ," Mum said.

Dad sighed, and agreed to let me wear it, seeing it's my birthday.

Then it was time from one more present. It was from Lynn.

The label said "Missing you from Manchester, but we'll keep in touch for ever and ever. Love, Lynn xxxx. PS.Enjoy this gift!

I unwrapped the silver wrapping that had the words "fragile" on it. Then I opened the box. It was 2 tickets to go to a very special gig with Lynn. There were loads of big names there, Lady Gaga, Kylie, JLS, Justin Bieber, but most importantly, the big act, Jenny Jean.

"Oh my god, oh my god!" I squeal.

"Hey, hey, don't offence god, please." Mum said. "Anyhow, wow! So, are you and Lynn going to that gig in October then?"

"Yeah!" I say. "If that's okay with you, of course."

"Oh Sarah, of course it's okay for me! It is your birthday present anyway."

After breakfast, I had a huge family party. It was way too late to invite my friends like Lynn, but all my family was invited, like my cousins who I get on well with, like Betty, Tia and Lola. I had to say thanks to everyone for the presents before being allowed in, but that's easy. There was drinks, although I had to stick to smoothies like the other kids, and yummy sweets. At this occasion only, I could eat as much as I felt like. It was fun, until there was a display, showing all my baby and toddler pictures. Everyone in the room was laughing there head off, and I couldn't wait for it to end after that.

Long after the party, Mum and Dad sat me down at the table looking serious. "We want to ask you something," Dad said looking really serious. I was worried.

"We understand how much you loved being in Manchester, with all your friends, and it was maybe a pleasant, more comfortable environment." said Mum.

"So we re-thought about living there, and wondered whether you preferred it to London. Of course, London is also a very special place to you, too. We thought, if you prefer Manchester to here, we could consider moving back." said Dad.

"But, you may like London better. That is up to you. Only one person can make this decision. And that is you." said Mum.

Well, what would I choose. Manchester was amazing, what, with Rachel and Lynn, and finding it meant so much to me.

On the other hand, Manchester may be good, but London was really home. I liked it, but I didn't feel comfortable there at home.

Come on Sarah. You have to make up your mind.

"I choose..........London."

And that is that. I chose what was really home, London. I live in London, but I visit Manchester loads in the holidays. Sometimes, Lynn comes to visit me in London and we have really big sleepovers. Staying up until Midnight and eating popcorn in front of movies, awesome.

I also left my old school, where people were bullying, and joined a new school. I was nervous at first, but soon I settled in, and made loads of new friends. Dianne, Victoria and Chelsea were just a few of my friends I made. I was popular at my new school. Everyone was so sweet to me. Everyone actually, was nice to everyone. Nobody got bullied which was good. All these mates weren't my best friend. The only person that will ever be my best friend, is Lynn. I miss her so much, but we keep in touch nearly everyday. And not forgetting Rachel, who I also keep in touch with, despite the age difference.

However, tragedy was around the corner.

"Sarah. Sit down." Mum and Dad said, seriously. Mum looked like she'd been crying. I could tell it was bad news.

"But I'll be late for school!" I say.

"Don't worry about that. After this news, you probably won't feel like going to school, which is fine, just for this day."

"What is it?" I say shaking.

Dad held hold of my hand. "Sarah, I heard from one of Rachel's mates that she had been involved in a fatal car crash last night and had seriously bad injuries. She was rushed to hospital, and they tried there best, but it was too late. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid Rachel died last night."

No. I could not believe it. It was too sad to be true. My friend-dead. I couldn't believe it. I felt the tears run down my cheek.

Mum gave me a big cuddle. " I know, I know. It's so sad. You can cry all you want. You probably won't want to go to school, and that's okay, I phoned your school and they said it was okay."

I was so devastated. I texted Lynn, and she was so sad for me. She told me that she tried sending chocolates to me, but she sent it to the wrong address, AND it had gone all mouldy, so those people weren't very happy. It made me laugh a bit, but nothing would really cheer me up. The funeral would be next week, and I wasn't sure if I would go. I mean, I've never been to a funeral before and it sounds scary. I'd rather be at home, crying in my bedroom.

Rachel was such a good mate, and I'd never forget her. RIP, my mate.

I took a look at the silver necklace I found at her house, or my house, depends. It felt really cold.

I took one look at it, then put it back in my closet.

THE END

I really hope you enjoyed it!

 

[Goggle-Face]

You don't have this story in an MS Word document?

So this whole story was made up as you went along?

That's poor story making. You have to have a plan, did you not?

Chapter 13 could just be repasted if you had written it down once before.

I'm sorry, but this story just didn't flow nicely. I can see potential in the plot -- from what I could salvage from it -- but the way it was written and played out didn't work. It was a cute story, I know, but the whole say you wrote it out... I don't know, I haven't seen any other fully-fledged story you've written, so I can't say it doesn't 'suit your writing style'.

 

[Tamatoshu2]

You don't have this story in an MS Word document?So this whole story was made up as you went along?

That's poor story making. You have to have a plan, did you not?

Chapter 13 could just be repasted if you had written it down once before.

My thoughts exactly. It made me upset that I couldn't read 13. I would've had it in a word documant so I could take out the part that made the moderators take it down... I was actually enjoying this ; - ;

All in all, that's my only criticism for this. sorry if I sounded mean.

 

[sarah8]

Okay. I actually are not sure whether the moderators put it down, I think it was an error in posting.

I'm thinking, as Goggle-Face didn't think it really worked out, of re-writing this story. But, I'm really busy at the moment, so I'm not sure.