now how the fiddly diddly do i get bonding points?
The bonding level you see is from 0% to 100% in steps of 10%. Internally bonding ranges from 0 to 1000 points. Each 100 bonding points equates to 10% that you can see in the status screens.
Bonding-level-increasing items reward 3 points. So, to get 100 bonding points, you need to use a bonding-level-increasing item 34 times. After that, you will see the bonding level go up by 10%.
In addition to the bonding-level-increasing items, you can earn bonding points by providing your V5 with training when they call for it. It's random whether they call for training or not, but if they do call for training it will be at the top of an even-numbered hour. (10:00 AM, 12:00 PM, 2:00 PM, 4:00 PM, 6:00 PM) Unfortunately if you don't respond when they call for training, it seems you can lose bonding points. If you keep your V5 within hearing range, you should be able to increase bonding to 100% by the time the characters become ready to mate.
P.S. I think I've read somewhere that playing the built-in games also rewards you with bonding points, but I might be wrong in that regard.
Remember that an action you take to earn bonding points may not have a visible effect at that point in time, because the points you've just earned haven't pushed your total above a multiple-of-100 threshold.
example
start: points total 0, level shown 0%
use a bonding-level-increase item: points total 3, level shown 0%
perform some training: points total 53, level shown 0%
perform some training: points total 103, level shown 10%
play a game: points total 123, level shown 10%
play a game: points total 143, level shown 10%
use a bonding-level-increase item: points total 146, level shown 10%
use a bonding-level-increase item: points total 149, level shown 10%
use a bonding-level-increase item: points total 152, level shown 10%
perform some training: points total 202, level shown 20%
perform some training: points total 252, level shown 20%
(Note the amount of bonding points I have shown for various actions are just numbers I made up, to illustrate the example.)