Would you continue to be friends/ interact with people that have done you wrong?

[Durch_den_monsun]

Well, I already posted the back story to this in the bullying topic, but, back in my freshman year (senior now) I had this best friend, and we did everything together. We were sooo close, that we considered each other sisters. We could even finish each other's sentences if we wanted. There is this boy one grade lower than us, that is very, VERY attractive. Jessica had sex with him a few times, and unbeknownst to me, she had very deep, very unhealthy feelings of attachment for him. He showed interest in me, and she found out. She thought I liked him and went behind her back to be with him (he had a gf at the time), so instead of hearing my side, she dcsides to end the friendship, very publicly.

So, I leave her alone, and she continued to be very hostile towards me. She becomes best friends with a girl that HATES me, and spread rumors about me doing things of sexual nature with other boys at school (to which many people believed, and still don't like me because they think it's true) and she even resorted to cyber bullying. It's like I was a pariah and she just wouldn't stop attacking me mentally and emotionally. Then,she comes up to me and apologizes, and that SAME DAY, everything was back to normal, as if the 8 months of hostility never happened.

So what I'm asking is, would you continue to be close friends with a person who woke up every day just to hurt you? I personally always believe in second chances (I'd want one, so I have to give to get, right?), but I also feel like she went TOO far. If anyone came to me with a story like this, I'd think they're CRAZY to talk to a person that caused them so much pain, but it's different when you're in a situation like that. What do you guys think?

 

[TamaMum]

The most important thing here is what YOU think. Do you really want to forgive and forget?

Or do you want some kind of payback so that you can feel you're "even stevens" before you can move on with the friendship?

Difficult questions to ask yourself, but be very honest with your answers.

No matter what anyone else thinks the answer to those questions will probably go a long way to help you go on with this relationship.

The "payback" may be as simple as a heart to heart chat about some of the things that happened during this 8 month hiatus. You can decide if you want to explain how much it hurt to be bullied like that or even ask if she would be prepared to tell the truth about what kind of person you really are and start to squash some of the lies or rumours you believe she spread about you.

If you don't want to discuss it and "drag up the past" then just pick up where you left off, see how things go and forget about the feelings that she went too far with the hostility.

If you really need to clear the air between you both then you're probably not completely ready to forgive her - but you need to let her know pretty soon.

Sounds like a really difficult situation. I hope you manage to sort it out happily. Good Luck :]

 

[Durch_den_monsun]

To be honest, I don't WANT to forgive her. I want to be mad and angry forever, and I honestly want her to feel as bad as I felt those last 8 months, but I can't. She's the type of person you can get along with easily. It's like, whenever she's around I can't help but want to talk to her and stuff. I don't want to bring it up, because he'll get defensive and try to change the subject. It's like, she doesn't recognize when she hurts people and gets mad at them or being hurt by something she did.

If I tried to talk to her, it won't go at all the way I would like it to. We'd get nowhere and end up arguing for something that has NOTHING to do with anything... She knows me very well, and she knows the rumors aren't true, but she went along with them just to hurt me.

I don't really want to bring it up because we've been talking again for months, and I feel like it's too late. Like I should have brought it up sooner. I feel like I'd be starting with her since I'm bringing up past events.

 

[Try Honesty]

No. I'd throw her in a pit with a dozen crocodiles.

 

[It`s Teri]

I was in a similar situation. In Year 9 (2009), I made friends with a girl in my form class. She was a very nice girl. Or so I thought. In the middle of Year 10 (2010), she started stealing my stuff, lying to me, blaming me for things going missing. At the beginning of last year I just stopped being her friend. Then she tried to get me in trouble with her mother by telling her I was talking to her older sister on Facebook. I wasn't. So, no, I wouldn't continue being friends with someone like that. Funny thing is, I'm friends with the girl's YOUNGER sister xD

 

[x.Cant//Knit.x]

I've been through it before, and I've always forgiven.

To be honest I don't think I wanted to, but I'm a forgiving person, so I couldn't really help myself.

 

[Violetchilluvr3]

Personally, I wouldn't. I don't believe in revenge (Just an endless cycle...) but I also don't think that people can just all of a sudden be "sorry" after "hating" your for so many months. I wouldn't get revenge, but I also wouldn't forgive. I'd just move on.

 

[kuchipatchi.is.blue55]

It depends for me. Is this person really sorry, or is this person using me to get what they want? Have I known them for years, or only a few months? I have quite a few close friends and we've stuck it out. Personally, I think a real friendship is where you can be truly honest with each other and have a few fights somewhere along the way.

 

[tamaturtle]

I you did decide to forgive her, you'd have to remember everything she's done to you, and the fact that it could possibly happen again if you said something she didn't like or whatever gets her annoyed. You probably won't be the same ever again, TBH. Sure, talk nicely to her, because then you'll appear as and be the nice, better person in all of this, but if it was me, I'd remember what she's done and what she's capable of. I wouldn't let her COMPLETLY back into my life like old time, but I'd still be nice so no one could call me out on being nasty.