I'll Self Teach Myself!

There was once a little girl who was eleven years old. She had a brother she absolutely hated. Her brother's name was John. [although she called him Johnny and told everyone his name was Johnny, and he would get very angry.]

You see, John was a boy with autism. He would not listen to anyone's logic and insisted he was always correct. One day, he raged at his mother, being forced to play piano, saying, "I'll self teach myself piano, then teach it to my cat!" His mother, knowing he had problems, let him quit. John never touched the piano again. Nor did he try to teach him cat. The little girl laughed at him, telling him he was too stupid to self teach himself anything. He burst into tears.

A few months later, John picked up the guitar and strummed it. He then tried to play music. His father offered him lessons. John simply said, "I'll self teach myself guitar, then teach my dog!" and continued to fill the house with horrible music.

And now it's your turn. What silly self-teaching things did John say next?

•♪Rules♪•

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Make sure you say things exactly like so:

I'll self teach myself 'something', then I'll teach it to [my] 'something/one'

Make sure John is a bit stupid and cocky, too.

Have fun!

John soon got bored of the piano so he decided that he was going to learn to drive. His parents tried to convince him that he would crash but he said 'I'll self teach myself to drive, then I'll teach my sandwhich!" and then he crashed into a casino.

John, very angry at himself said, looking at the fantabulous SA2:B Chao Garden Level, said "I'll self-teach myself to play this game and then I'lll teach my CD how to!" And then he blew it up.

John then saw a Tamagotchi and picked it up. His parents told him to read the instructions, but he said "I'll self-teach myself to play Tamagotchi, then I'll teach it to my guinea pig!" But every time he started over, it died. Over 9000 times.

Jon saw his sister's flute and said,"I'll self teach myself to play the flute then I'll teach it to my dog!"

Jhon soon grew tired of that, so he said "ill self teach myself how to play monopoly, and then ill teach my sticky note!"

john learned that teaching it to a sticky note was pointless and then he saw a wii and got an idea and he said, "I'll self teach myself to play super paper mario and then I'll teach it to mimi!"

he then noticed mimi was awesome, and way too awesome for him so he said

Ill self teach myself how to eat, and then ill teach it to my food! MWAHAHAHA

then he realized he was eating his food so he said ill self tech myself to throw up and then ill teach it to peach

Unfortunately, John couldn't throw up easily and gave up. John saw a calculator and said "I'll self teach myself to use a calculator and then teach it to my sister's My Little Ponies!" [Yay! Ponies! ] John ended up breaking the calculator and number buttons lay on the floor.

then he saw a knife and said, "i'll self teach myself to use a knife and teach it to my clarence!"

But he ended up nearly stabbing himself with the knife, and realised it was dangerous. Then he saw a map, and said "I'll teach myself all the countries of the world, then teach them to my computer!"

but he epically failed at that, thinking denmark was the netherlands and the netherlands was denmark. he also thought sweden was switzerland and switzerland was sweden. he thought thaty taiwan was thailand and thailand was taiwan. so he gave up after mistakening canada for america. (WHO?)

then he saw a dress and said "i'll self teach myself to crossdress, and then teach it to my wallpaper!"

But no matter how he tried, he just couldn't put the dress on. At all. So he gave up.

Later he came across a roll of cellotape. He said "I'll self teach myself to use cellotape then teach it to my sheet of paper!"

but he epically failed at that.

then he saw a toilet and said "i'll self teach myself to throw a toilet, then teach it to my turtle!"

Was actually a joke topic making fun of my brother, but let's continue.

But John accidentally broke some of the pipes and flooded the house. So he said, "I'll self teach myself how to play guitar again! AND YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" he yelled back at his parent's protests.

It's a fun topic really xD

But John ended up breaking all the strings of the guitar when he tried to play.

He then saw his sister's flute and he said "I'll self-teach myself to play the flute, then teach it to my bowl of cereal!"

But he epically failed at that too.

Then he saw his sisters hat and said "I'll self teach my self to wear a ht, then teach it to my shoe."

But he stuck it in his mouth and choked on it.

Then he said, "I'll teach myself to be a genius, like Albert Einstein!"

But then he just lowered his to -∞