Help.

[tamaw/pants]

Ok, so I had/have to do a project on Corrie tenBoom.

You may not know who she is, but anyways, I have to write a essay on her and make a collage.

Here is the format I have to do-

My paper/rubric thing says

First paragraph: a summary of your book.

Second para.: a description and commentary on your fa. part

third para.: is this person a hero.

Please read my essay and tell me if it makes sence and/or what I can change to make it better!

Essay-

Corrie ten Boom was just a Dutch, Christian watchmaker. At the age of 50, what could she do? She changed the world around her saving people even if it ment going out of her comfort zone.

During the holocaust, she helped save many Jews by working with the underground resistance. She and her family added a wall in Corrie’s own bedroom so they could shelter Jews and hide them from the Nazi raids. She was caught working with the underground and sent to a concentration camp. She kept her strong faith in God through the good times and the hard trials. She was let out of the concentration camp and went to work to help people that were affected be the war.

Give thanks to God in all things. Fleas- they were swarming in the concentration camp’s bunk house. Corrie and her sister Betsie were able to share God’s word more freely using the ‘forbidden Book’ in the concentration camp. Because of the fleas, the guards would not even think about going into the room where hundreds of women prisoners slept every night. Corrie learned another lesson on how God can use the smallest and most annoying things to have His will done.

Corrie is a hero. She saved many people lives even at the cost of her own comfort. But above all things, she is a hero because she never turned her back on God. Even when things that seemed like it could be impossible to go on (such as getting lice, being placed in solitary confinement, and being in the concentration camp) she still followed and praised God. She is defiantly one of my role models because of her faith.

Also please check out my collage.

I need to know if it is enough pics or if I need to change/add something!

HERE!!!

Please and thanks in advance!!!

EDITED

 

[Cutiepoo2014]

Good esay!!

 

Deacon & Penny say its good to!

 

i like the pic. to!

 

[tamaw/pants]

Lol.

Thank you.

 

[born_naturalfigureskater122]

PERFECT!

 

[I like poo]

ooh, nice collage.

And yeah, the essay makes sense.

 

[The_Magic_Mushroom]

It's good, but there are a few little mistakes. Read through it again and you should see them.

Also, when you say "what could she do?" and then skip right to the "she saved a lotta Jews" part, it feels kinda rushed. Try and add more description, like "But during the holocaust, she found a way to change the world. Risking her life, she helped many Jews that were being threatened at that time" or something like that.

Hope I help.

 

[tamaw/pants]

I guess I need to explain how I was supposed to write it.

My paper says

First paragraph: a summary of your book.

Second para.: a description and commentary on your fa. part

third para.: is this person a hero.

 

[tamaw/pants]

It's good, but there are a few little mistakes. Read through it again and you should see them.
Also, when you say "what could she do?" and then skip right to the "she saved a lotta Jews" part, it feels kinda rushed. Try and add more description, like "But during the holocaust, she found a way to change the world. Risking her life, she helped many Jews that were being threatened at that time" or something like that.

Hope I help.

Oh, yeah.

I fixed those.

It was really late last night.

11 pm, heh heh.

Thanks for your advice!

 

[Gejitchi]

Give thanks to God in all things. Fleas- they were swarming in the concentration camp’s bunk house. Corrie and her sister Betsie were able to share God’s word more freely using the ‘forbidden Book’ in the concentration camp. Because of the fleas, the guards would not even think about going into the room where hundreds of women prisoners slept every night. Corrie learned another lesson on how God can use the smallest and most annoying things to have His will done.Corrie is a hero. She saved many people lives even at the cost of her own comfort. But above all things, she is a hero because she never turned her back on God. Even when things that seemed like it could be impossible to go on (such as getting lice, being placed in solitary confinement, and being in the concentration camp) she still followed and praised God. She is defiantly one of my role models because of her faith.

Also please check out my collage.

I need to know if it is enough pics or if I need to change/add something!

HERE!!!

Please and thanks in advance!!!

EDITED

The bolded lines are areas of text not formed properly or plagued spelling mistakes. My corrections are below.

Also, it's generally accepted that you should refer to people by their last names (if not their full names) in essays such as this; I'd recommend replacing "Corrie" with "ten Boom" or "Corrie ten Boom" everywhere it was used.

Try this as the second paragraph:

The concentration camp bunk house ten Boom stayed in was infested with fleas. Although this may have at first seemed like a great nuisance to the people in the bunk house, it turned out to be a blessing. Corrie ten Boom and her sister Betsie were able to share God's word more freely using the "Forbidden Book" in the concentration camp because the fleas deterred the guards from entering. Corrie learned another lesson on how God can use the smallest and most annoying things to have His will done.

Also, in the last sentence of your essay, you misspelled "definitely." It's a common mistake, because spell check always replaces mispelled versions of definitely with defiantly. :\ Go figure.

Your collage looks good; you could possibly add another picture, but you don't haveta.

 

[mimichi mametchi]

Simply amazing!

 

[tamaw/pants]

The bolded lines are areas of text not formed properly or plagued spelling mistakes. My corrections are below.Also, it's generally accepted that you should refer to people by their last names (if not their full names) in essays such as this; I'd recommend replacing "Corrie" with "ten Boom" or "Corrie ten Boom" everywhere it was used.

Try this as the second paragraph:

The concentration camp bunk house ten Boom stayed in was infested with fleas. Although this may have at first seemed like a great nuisance to the people in the bunk house, it turned out to be a blessing. Corrie ten Boom and her sister Betsie were able to share God's word more freely using the "Forbidden Book" in the concentration camp because the fleas deterred the guards from entering. Corrie learned another lesson on how God can use the smallest and most annoying things to have His will done.

Also, in the last sentence of your essay, you misspelled "definitely." It's a common mistake, because spell check always replaces mispelled versions of definitely with defiantly. :\ Go figure.

Your collage looks good; you could possibly add another picture, but you don't haveta.

Thank you so much!

I will change those!