My Book?

[kkoolbear101]

Ally strutted past Nadia, in search of her new boyfriend, Zach.

"Zach? Zach?? Zach?! ZACH?! ZACHIE?!?!" She screamed.

"What?" Zach glumfully answered her.

"Walk with me. Now!"

As Zach started to walk, his gaze met Nadias. He sighed.

Nadia had always been one of the ugliest girls in school. Nobody knew her spiecal talents and skills. Nobody cared. At this school, the only thing that mattered was looks...

Nadia boredly searched for Zach and the "Demon". Zach was staring into Ally's beautiful eyes. He looked as if he were looking into her soul. He was. At first, he looked perfectly normal, then his face twisted up. He held his hand over his mouth, holding back a scream. He pulled away, frightened.

"What??" Ally bratfully (if that's a word...) asked him.

"Uh...uh..hu...h..u..." He monosyllably muttered, and then he ran.

As he was running away from her, he tripped, slipped, and finally fell on Nadia! When they're gaze met eachother, he got closer, and stared deep, deep.....deep into her eyes. He could see beauty, and perfection, and goodness all around. He smiled a wide smile. He even chuckled a little.

"?" She was confused.

"I'm just so happy I found you" He answered.

This isn't the WHOLE story. Just a small summary. Ya like it?

 

[.:FeeBumbleBee:.]

Shouldn't this be in the "Stuff We Read" section? I think it should.

As for the review thing, it was okay. Not terrible, but cliche, and it doesn't sound very professional. Needs to be a bit more detailed.

 

[tamacrazy_101]

This needs to be moved.

Your story isn't bad, but it needs a bit more work. The part with Zach staring into Ally's eyes gets a bit confusing because you suddenly stick Ally in the story. At least introduce the characters a little and give Ally a spot in the story first and maybe a bit background information. I had to read that part twice because Ally is just stuck into the story so suddenly I didn't even realize that there was a new character.

But not bad.

 

[binary]

*Topic moved to '(Non)TamaTalk: Stuff We Read'*